HILLBILLIES CROAK CUPCAKE

"THE TELEVISION KILL," a complete vintage tale of murder, television, hillbillies, rotten dames and leftist newspapers, at What's This Comic? [Via the perspicacious Scott Saavedra!]

HELLBLAZER'S HOT PARTS

The wait is over. God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the web ministry that fights Hollywood indecency by describing it and describing it until you have to rub up against something--finally reviewed Constantine. If The Hot Parts Guy sounded like a beat poet last week, now he's hammering the keys like the chaplain of a meth lab:

The Truth is that once one is condemned to Hell there is no escape. The chances of returning from Hell are infinitely less than the chances of a frozen orb of hand-packed crystalline dihydrogen monoxide surviving unscathed, entry through exit, an excursion through the subterranean location of exceeding exo-energetic electromagnetic radiation in the thermal band.

His long list of the film's offenses does not include "turning Hellblazer into a Yank," but here's a fraction of what does bother him:

• extremely graphic pedestrian hit by a car
• tale of multiple police action killings
• graphic impalement painting
• grotesque fragmentation of flesh
• woman in underwear in bed
• camera angle to force viewer on private parts, repeatedly
• rude gaze
• use of drink to ease fears
• crawling on ceiling
• Angel Gabriel as a woman
• woman changing water into wine
• spiritual use of lukewarm in clear defiance of God's admonition against being lukewarm
• portrayal of Satan as a man
• insult of God
• false bible
• portrayal of Satan, complete with burned feet and pant cuffs

Hey! If "use of drink to ease fears" is a sin, then burn my pant cuffs and call me lukewarm!

Consume. Reproduce. Obey. The International Database Of Corporate Commands. [Via]

THE BOOK OF SPIDEY

HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED TO THINK HOW LUCKY GOD WAS TO HAVE THE HELP OF SPIDER-MAN?

Spider-Man's Greatest Bible Stories. [Thanks to Julia Stiles' Bitch.]

DRAW AS YOU'RE TOLD

Eighth graders' abstinence posters. More here. And don't look, but I think it's Captain Abstinence. I SAID DON'T LOOK!

CHRIST!

Cartoons about Jesus as today's fundamentalists see him.

SELFISH & USELESS

Not all comics people are selfish and useless. I am, of course, but Ryan Estrada isn't:

I recently spent 6 days volunteering in Bang Tao, Thailand. It was an amazingly powerful trip that prompted me to quit my job the day I got back so I could return to help some more.

Ryan's the guy who made the 72-page comic in under 72 hours awhile back, so we already know he's capable of what a comics writer would call "feats." Anyway, he's doing cartoons about the cartoon he's living, and the first one is awfully good.

GQ JOE

#10 - Matt (left) wears another simple plain but elegant black sweater that could be used on many missions. - $9.95

#11 - Jose (center) wears an ivory fisher-knit sweater with helix pattern on front, and plain in back. - $9.95

#12 - Joe (right) is wearing a grey sweater with dual rope pattern down the front and back. $9.95

Sweaters for GI Joes

[Via MonkeyFilter]

"I'll Call You"

Greg Evigan (Prime Time's Sexiest Dad!) will call you--LIVE!--for $19.95!

BOMBED.JAMES BOMBED.

The Vesper
(from Casino Royale)

• Three measures of Gordon’s gin
• One measure of vodka (preferably a Russian grain vodka)
• Half a measure of Lillet Blanc

Shake very well until ice-cold. Pour in a deep champagne goblet, and add a large thin slice of lemon-peel.

What exactly does James Bond drink? Make Mine A 007...