"America, Fuck Yeah!"

Oscar Wilde supposedly said of Dickens' writing, "One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell without laughing."

I could not get through this QuickTime music video--a tribute to America's fallen heroes by a former Star Trek stuntman--without laughing right out loud, and you can't either.

I'm Suckin' It

European billboard: bogus foodstuff suckles monstrous neohuman. [Via]

1954 comic book predicted Camilla Parker-Bowles.

The Man of Steel's three weaknesses: Kryptonite, magic and gender. 1980.

Hey. I'm "Tom."

The College of Cardinals today elected me, U.S. Congressman Dave Weldon, M.D. (R - FL), to assume the late Pontiff Carol Woitjlwkwblklka's secret role as comic book writer/SUPERFRANKENSTEIN blogger "Tom Peyer." That doesn't make me Pope (yet!); nonetheless, my staff and I promise you many hours of top-flight entertainment and spiritual uplift.

As far as anyone is concerned, I am not only the real "Tom Peyer," I am the only "Tom Peyer" ever. Yet, I am not and never was "Tom Peyer." Understand? We'll just proceed from this point as if all of those things were true. If it gets too confusing, just keep your mouth shut; I'll do the talking.

And let us never speak of this again.

'Sin City' Sins

[NOTE: Until the College of Cardinals elects the new SUPERFRANKENSTEIN, guest columnists will fill this space. Today's contributor is The Hot Parts Guy, Commander of God's Guide To The Hot Parts, the internet ministry that fights Hollywood indecency by describing it and describing it until you just gotta have it. CAUTION: Contains SPOILERS like "heads of five disembodied women mounted as trophies, victims of cannibalism, repeatedly."]

Typically an R-rated films requires two or three log sheets to record all the issues of assault on morality and decency. Sin City required 7 1/2 log sheets. Very few of the nearly 1000 films we have analyzed have earned a CAP final score of 100 (the best score possible) and very few films have earned a CAP final score of zero (the worst possible score). Sin City earned a final score of zero...

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
• multiple bullet impacts with blood, splatter and body part loss
• multiple instances of slicings, lacerations, incisions, impalements, avulsions and amputations
• cartoon images of firearm and blade assaults
• child abduction by a pedophile
• fist fighting
• assault with metal pipe
• gunfire cutting off forearm and to the male privates
• scene of multiple gunfire injuries, graphic
• scene of multiple gunfire killings, graphic
• threat to kill, repeatedly
• action violence, repeatedly
• planning murder, repeatedly
• assault on police, multiple, graphic
• assault to eyes
• firearm threat, repeatedly
• pistol whipping, repeatedly, graphic
• gunfire to privates
• dragging man by car with face against the pavement
• attempted murder by car, numerous times with sight of victim being thrown and bouncing each time
• attempted gunfire murder, repeatedly
• surviving impossible gunfire injuries that would result in death, repeatedly
• assault with sledge hammer, graphic
• heads of five disembodied women mounted as trophies, victims of cannibalism, repeatedly
• woman speaking of man who had eaten her hand while she watched
• assault with a rock
• assault with axe to the private parts
• many gunfire injuries of varying severity, repeatedly
• gore, repeatedly
• beating assault
• man hitting a woman, repeatedly
• double amputation
• dog eating stubs of amputations
• severed head, repeatedly, sometimes talking/moving
• man kissing severed head
• beating with baseball bats
• talk of eating women
• arm breaking assault
• electrocution execution
• many threats of many kinds
• illegal flight to avoid lawful capture
• firearms for offense, many
• killing/injuring with slicing weapons, repeatedly, some graphic
• beheading
• more amputation
• gushing/splattering of blood, repeatedly
• impalement injuries, repeatedly, some graphic
• bodies strewn about
• slicing up five bodies to be able to fit them into a car trunk
• semiautomatic pistol slide rack impaled into forehead
• dead bodies talking
• assault by strangulation of woman
• another severed head, repeatedly, sometimes talking
• knife impalements, repeatedly
• gunfire to kill, repeatedly
• biting gore
• brutality, repeatedly
• victim joking with spear and arrows protruding through him
• blood lust
• extortion with wife's life
• beating gore, repeatedly
• severed finger
• admission of contemplating suicide
• threat to kill with broken window pane glass
• manually ripping male private parts off a man

Impudence/Hate (I)
• 76 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
• lusting for murder
• wish to kill
• lies, repeatedly
• stuffing head in toilet with feces to intimidate, twice
• calling murder an art
• "Power comes by lying"
• sadism
• torture with whip as "foreplay"

Sexual Immorality (S)
• graphically descriptive talk of rape and murder of an 11 year old girl
• making out
• intercourse with nudity
• nudity, upper female, repeatedly
• nudity, female rear, repeatedly, some close-up
• sex talk
• thong nudity, repeatedly
• homosexual reference
• ghosting of female anatomy through thin clothing, repeatedly
• translucent nudity
• woman as toys
• sensuous dance, repeatedly
• dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure, repeatedly
• nude woman with appendages hiding gender-specifics
• anatomical references, repeatedly
• man and woman in bed together
• cohabitation
• sexual threats
• camera angle to force viewer on private parts, repeatedly
• prostitutes, many and prostitute dress, repeatedly
• soliciting prostitution, repeatedly
• talk of showing privates to each other
• offer of sex, repeatedly
• inappropriate touch
• pedophile
• threat of sexual torture
• full male nudity with privates hidden by shadows, repeatedly, many angles
• sexual innuendo

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
• smoking, repeatedly
• drinking, repeatedly
• drunkenness, repeatedly
• bar, repeatedly
• booze, repeatedly
• abuse of prescription medication

Offense to God (O)
• "Goldy [a prostitute] worked the clergy"
• speaking of eating not only flesh but souls as well
• name calling with "fool" [Matt. 5:22]
• eight uses of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive and six without

Murder/Suicide (M)
• gunfire murder, at least 13 individual plus a multiple, graphic
• axe to forehead murder, graphic
• neck twist murder
• beating murder, at least two, graphic
• squeezing head murder
• blade murders, at least six, graphic
• arrow murder, at least three, graphic
• murder by slicing off top of head, graphic
• gunfire suicide, graphic

READ THE REST AT GOD'S GUIDE TO THE HOT PARTS.

ALSO: IAN BRILL LINKS TO ANOTHER STUPENDOUS REVIEW OF 'SIN CITY'.

BLOG-GONE

(REUTERS) Carol Woyjtlwblkwa, the Roman Catholic Pope who wrote comic books and the blog "SUPERFRANKENSTEIN" under the name "Tom Peyer," died Saturday after a long illness. The College of Cardinals convenes Monday to begin the task of selecting a new "Tom Peyer."

Days Of Thunder: A downloadable David Hasselhoff 2005 Calendar (Word.doc) [Via]

The other SUPERFRANKENSTEIN & all of his covers.

I'm Stuck In Rehab With Pat O'Brien is funny as anything.

This week's rib-tickling Stranger cover, by Smell Of Steve.

PREVIOUSLY...

AND NOW, THE CONCLUSION:

THE END
...OR IS IT?

From "The Night Of March 31st," SUPERMAN #145, May 1961, the story that happens on March 31st and April 1st.
The whole thing.
Hembeck's essay.