Times To Freedom: Drop Dead

The Seattle Times decided to publish today, which was embarrassing because they ran an editorial against freedom of the press.

You know what?

You know WHAT?



FUCK Pluto.

If that scrawny-ass little celestial bitch wants to be a planet, let him bulk up a little. There he is all tiny and squeaky and shit, whining, “I’m a planet! I’m a planet!” And we’re supposed to feel all sorry for the little shorty ‘cause he used to be a planet and now he’s just some string of bullshit numbers or something. Say what?

You want to be a planet, homes? PUT ON SOME WEIGHT. You sitting there acting all entitled and shit, while decent, hard-working Americans put in the effort every day to pack on the pounds. Say what you will about us as a people, we ain’t shy when it comes to the Fritos. And you can’t even be bothered. You just wanna stay all skinny and little and STILL you wanna be a planet.

Fuck you, Pluto. You know what’s good for you, you’ll stay on the schoolyard with the asteroids and the moons and the little baby comets.

And Uranus: You’re next, motherfucker.

Molly Ivins, 1944-2007

Bless her heart.

My New Favorite TV Show

Sugar Bush Squirrel Tops Herself

Tears run from the eyes of U.S. President George W. Bush and Sugar Bush Squirrel during a ceremony [to honor a Marine killed in Iraq]... For those of you who think these two patriots have no feelings for those who have fallen...think again!

The story so far: Sugar Bush is a Florida squirrel whose owner photographs her in patriotic tableaus. Link (Scroll down)

Previously

The A.H.O.Y. V.I.P. Room

Asshole of the Year poll: more results.

Clinton calls for "a new president"

NY Senator Hillary Clinton on Saturday morning called for "a new president" to address US foreign and domestic policy woes.

Possibly due to her origins on Krypton, where term limits are apparently rare, Clinton seemed unaware that the US Constitution virtually guarantees a new president will be elected in 2008.

Or is her statement a warning? Emboldened by their successful raids on the electoral process in 2000 and 2004, do the escapees from the Phantom Zone have plans for '08?

Zap! Pow! 'Relevant' Comics Tackle Social Issues!

Beer & Meater Bubba G. Russo found this great 1950s political campaign comic on an ebay auction; you can go there and read the whole thing. It's an attack job on a candidate for Massachussetts governor who was apparently quite a prick.

A.H.O.Y.

First results.

Apparently, Fred Travalena was already booked.

The White House Correspondents Association, having scored big last year by bringing in Steven Colbert to speak at its annual dinner, has just announced this year's featured entertainer:

Rich Little.

Good night and good luck, indeed.

What, isn't Norm Crosby available? Better yet, why not just set up a turntable and play Allan Sherman records?