Thursday, February 01, 2007

You know what?

You know WHAT?

pluto

FUCK Pluto.

If that scrawny-ass little celestial bitch wants to be a planet, let him bulk up a little. There he is all tiny and squeaky and shit, whining, “I’m a planet! I’m a planet!” And we’re supposed to feel all sorry for the little shorty ‘cause he used to be a planet and now he’s just some string of bullshit numbers or something. Say what?

You want to be a planet, homes? PUT ON SOME WEIGHT. You sitting there acting all entitled and shit, while decent, hard-working Americans put in the effort every day to pack on the pounds. Say what you will about us as a people, we ain’t shy when it comes to the Fritos. And you can’t even be bothered. You just wanna stay all skinny and little and STILL you wanna be a planet.

Fuck you, Pluto. You know what’s good for you, you’ll stay on the schoolyard with the asteroids and the moons and the little baby comets.

And Uranus: You’re next, motherfucker.

6 comments:

Superfrankenstein said...

As was said of the silence following Lincoln's Gettysburg Address:

You don't applaud the Lord's Prayer.

That goes double for you, Stuart.

bubba g. russo said...

...and leave my anus out of it, Mr. asteroid-hater.

Greg Morrow said...

Technically, Neptune is next.

Peter said...

Actually, Jupiter is next, since New Horizons probe is approaching it for a flyby in 25 days on its way to Pluto...

If you're going to trash talk a solar system object, how about double dog daring the asteroid Apophis to hit us on April 13, 2036...

bubba g. russo said...

....ya punk-ass bee-yotch. I mean, yo' mama's so dumb, she thought Barry Goldwater was a urologist. An' shit.

Ronald Coleman said...

Uh, hi, Stu. Has anyone around here actually, uh, seen you in person? No offense, I'm just asking.