Sunday, December 30, 2007

Great Events Seen Through The Lives Of Two Very Special People

Over at A.H.O.Y., someone (not me) prepared this brilliant timeline of that pivotal year 2003. If you haven't voted, this week, go!

* * *

Jan. 28: In State of the Union address, George W. Bush says Saddam Hussein recently tried to buy uranium from Africa for nuclear bombs.

Feb. 4: Fox News host Bill O’Reilly tells Jeremy Glick, anti-war son of a 9/11 victim, his dead dad would be ashamed of him. Interview ends with O’Reilly shouting, “Shut up. Shut up…Cut his mic. I’m not going to dress you down anymore, out of respect for your father.”

Feb. 5: U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell tells United Nations that Saddam has links to al-Qaeda and weapons of mass destruction.

Feb. 10: O'Reilly guarantees victory in Iraq. "Once the United States and Britain unleash, it's maybe hours."

Feb. 15: Millions march worldwide against war.

Feb. 26: O’Reilly tells peace movement: “Once the war against Saddam begins, we expect every American to support our military, and if they can't do that, to shut up… Just fair warning to you, Barbra Streisand."

March 9: In bar, O’Reilly allegedly tells associate producer Andrea Mackris and college friend, “Boy, I would have had fun with you two!” and suggests a three-way.

March 17: Bush gives Saddam 48 hours to resign or face U.S. invasion.

March 18: O’Reilly tells Good Morning America: “If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it’s clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush administration again.”

March 19: U.S. launches predawn “decapitation” air strikes on Saddam’s palaces.

March 21: Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh says, "I'm not messing with people who want to say this attack is illegal, it's not warranted, it's not justified…. Take your propaganda to somebody else."

March 24: Limbaugh buys 60 tablets of Norco, an addictive painkiller, from one of his four prescription-writing doctors.

March 28: Limbaugh says, “Even I thought it would take the mainstream media more than a week to attempt to undermine the war effort. I didn't think it would happen this soon.''

April 2: Army forces rescue Pfc. Jessica Lynch from hospital in Nasiriya. Story appears on covers of Time and Newsweek.

April 7: Limbaugh says, "We're discovering WMDs all over Iraq… Our troops have found dozens of barrels of chemicals in an agricultural facility 30 miles northwest of Baghdad."

April 9: U.S. forces take Baghdad. Crowd topples statute of Saddam. Looters pillage National Museum of Iraq.

April 15: Limbaugh buys 84 Norco tablets.

April 22: O’Reilly, citing continued WMD search, gives himself an extension on his national apology: “A month from today, we’ll do this story again.”

April 23: Limbaugh says report shows Iraq disposed of weapons before invasion: “What it means is, that Saddam or his agents knew in advance where the UN was going.”

April 24: Limbaugh buys 180 Norco tablets.

May 1: Limbaugh buys 90 tablets of OxyContin, a highly addictive painkiller.

May 1: On aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, Bush calls Iraq a success. Banner says, “Mission Accomplished.”

May 15: Limbaugh buys 96 Norco tablets.

May 27: Limbaugh buys 50 anti-anxiety Xanax tablets and 64 Norco tablets.

Sometime in May: Over dinner, O’Reilly allegedly propositions Mackris and friend, tells of wild Scandinavian airline hostesses and a Thai sex show “girl” who showed him things in a back room that “blew (his) mind;” he also suggests a three-way and asks for phone sex.

May 31: O’Reilly clashes with comic Al Franken at book expo, yelling, “Shut up! You had your 35 minutes! Shut up!”

June 2: Limbaugh buys 30 tablets of Lorcet, a painkiller similar to Norco.

June 3: Limbaugh buys 240 Norco tablets.

June 10: Limbaugh buys 30 tablets of Lorcet.

June 16: Limbaugh buys 21 tablets of Clonidine, an agent often used to counter effects of stimulants.

June 18: Limbaugh buys 100 Norco tablets.

June 19: Limbaugh tells listeners Simon & Schuster is lying about runaway sales of Hillary Clinton’s book, “Living History” because publisher is run by liberals.

June 26: International Atomic Energy Agency says Iraq had no active nuclear program.

June 27: Limbaugh buys 30 Clonidine and 40 Lorcet tablets.

June 30: Limbaugh buys 100 Norco tablets.

July 6: Former ambassador Joseph Wilson says Iraq did not try to buy uranium from Niger, as Bush claimed in State of the Union address.

July 8: Limbaugh buys 88 Norco tablets.

July 7: White House concedes mistake in Bush’s State of the Union speech.

July 10: Sales of Hillary Clinton's book surpass 1 million copies.

July 14: Columnist Robert Novak writes that Valerie Plame, wife of Joseph Wilson, is a CIA operative, effectively ending her career.

July 14: Limbaugh says he’s joining ESPN’s Sunday Night Football. Also, he buys 30 Clonidine tablets.

July 22: Saddam’s sons, Uday and Qusay, killed in Mosul palace firefight. To prove their deaths, Pentagon releases photographs of corpses’ faces.

July 30:. Bush, admitting mistake in State of the Union speech, says, “I take personal responsibility for everything I say, absolutely.”

July 31: National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice says she takes “personal responsibility” for mistake in Bush’s speech.

Aug. 6: Limbaugh buys 40 Hydrocodone tablets.

Aug. 11: Limbaugh buys 60 Norco tablets.

Aug. 18: Limbaugh buys 60 Norco tablets.

Aug. 29: Limbaugh buys 240 tablets of Hydrocodone, a highly addictive painkiller.

Sept. 7: Bush asks Congress for $87 billion to fund the Iraq war.

Sept. 8: Limbaugh tells listeners the World Tribune, “one of the papers in the United Kingdom,” says Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction have been found in Lebanon. The World Tribune turns out to be a web site based in Falls Church, Virginia, which offers special reports on UFOs.

Sept. 15: Limbaugh buys 36 Clonidine tablets.

In September: Over dinner, O’Reilly allegedly begs Mackris for phone sex.

Sept. 24: O’Reilly asks Condoleezza Rice if he should apologize to the country because no WMD has been found in Iraq. She says, “No, Bill, you don't have to apologize,” and notes that U.S. inspector David Kay is still searching.

Sept. 26: Limbaugh buys 120 Hydocodone tablets and 30 tablets of Kadian, an addictive painkiller.

Sept. 28: On ESPN, Limbaugh says the liberal media goes easy on Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb because he is black.

Oct. 2: U.S. chief weapons inspector David Kay says there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Oct. 1: Limbaugh resigns from ESPN due to controversy over McNabb comments.

Oct. 2: The National Enquirer reports Limbaugh is target of prescription drug probe.

Oct. 5: White House insists that neither Presidential advisor Karl Rove, nor Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis Libby, leaked Plame’s name.

Oct. 6: Bush calls Plame leak ''a criminal action'' and vows to find the source.

Oct. 8: O’Reilly storms off National Public Radio’s “Fresh Air” because interviewer Terry Gross doesn’t stick to discussing his new book, “Who’s Looking Out for You?”

Oct. 10: Limbaugh tells listeners he’s hooked on painkillers and is going into rehab.

Nov. 17: Out of rehab, Limbaugh returns to radio show.

Nov. 25: Limbaugh’s office searched in “doctor shopping” drug probe.

Dec. 13: U.S. troops capture Saddam outside Tikrit. Bush tells country, “A dark and painful era is over.”

Mid-December: Over dinner, O’Reilly allegedly brags to Mackris that he’s had phone sex with other women. He asks her for phone sex.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

CHRISTMAS DREAMS by ZIGGY-WITH-A-HAT (Please Re-Post!!)


My Mutual No. 1 MySpace Friend Ziggy-With-A-Hat has asked friends and friends of friends to repost his beautiful new Christmas poem. So, without further delay:

CHRISTMAS DREAMS by ziggy-with-a-hat (please re-post!!)

christmas dreams: keep them in your heart!

christmas kisses: save them for under the mistletoe!

christmas trees: decorate tehm in the silence of a chilly night!

christmas hot cocoa: drink it in the company of freinds!

christmas lollypops: suck them first thing christmas morning!

christmas presents: open them happily!

christmas songs: sing them with a vengence!

christmas specials: watch them on TV!

christmas cake: eat every last bite!

christmas jesus: worship him with open arms!

CHRSTMAS DREAMS: KEEP THEM IN YOUR HEART FOREVER!!!

-ziggy-with-a-hat
(please re-post!)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Bits Of Beer-n-Meat Business

ITEM! Surely you've seen the deeply pants-moving Dark Knight trailer by now! So go watch it again!


ITEM! Hey! Want to watch a quick, funny video about what an incredible genius I Am Legend creator Richard Matheson is? Because he is. Besides I Am Legend, he wrote The Incredible Shrinking Man, some great Twilight Zones, and... well, go see and be stunned! It's in Kevin Maher's hee-larious video section of amctv.com's science fiction blog! WARNING: Contents will make you 15% nerdier!


ITEM! Lots to do? Tough! Because you're not going to get any of it done! Instead, you'll be over at Classic Television Showbiz, taking a shame bath as you squander hours watching delicious crap such as:

Flash-Gram

So I'm working on a multi-part story for The Flash, "Fast Money," with artist Freddie E. Williams II. The first issue, #238, goes on sale March 19. You can order it now through your funnybook store. Or wait 'til it comes out; I'll remind you.

Here's Freddie's cover:



I hate to be the one to have to say it, but the guy who's scaring The Flash is really mean.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

GO! NOW!

Vote for the A.H.O.Y. -- AssHole Of the Year! This year it's easy, fast, fun, and web-based. Bonus: no paper trail!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

REUNION!

spice-girls-reunion-2
Seely & Rumsfeld together again!
[Washington Post]

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

The Greatest Comics Idea Since Superman


An advice column for comics nerds!! Why didn't anyone think of this before?

Q. What is the best way for a fanguy to approach a fangirl at the LCS if he's interested?

Aisle-d Curiosity


A. First, there are a couple things you must avoid:

1) Lurking too long before speaking to her.
You’ll just come off as creepy and weird, but, like -- the bad kind of creepy and weird.

2) Avoiding eye-contact.
I highly suggest a direct eye-contact approach. If you make sure to make eye-contact, it will keep you from accidentally saying hello to the lady’s ladies, if’n ya know what I mean. No girl likes that.
Jess Knows Best

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Years Of Agony


Vinage Gay Pulp fills just one of many fascinating photosets that put us all in debt to Flickr star Miss Magnolia Thunderpussy. If you don't have the hours it would take to view them all, try not to miss Variety, Vaudeville And Circus Acts; Girls Will Be Boys And Boys Will Be Girls; Children; and The Accordion And Its Role In World Peace. [Via Metafilter.]

Friday, November 02, 2007

Happy 80th Birthday, Steve Ditko

ditko02b2ditko
Many more, please.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Ghaaah


From Boy Detective #3, Avon Periodicals, 1952

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween


Pic stolen from Tegan. More costumes here.

Throw Away Those Gouging, Torturing Trusses

PrisonRiot01 27
From PRISON RIOT #1, Avon Periodicals, 1952.

Monday, October 29, 2007

"I just can't find one damn thing that you guys have done wrong."

Questions for FEMA's future fake news conferences, by el duque's friend Seely. [Link]

I'm a veteran reporter, and I hate positive stories. I'd much rather destroy people, especially with no facts to get in my way. So, my question is this: What minor tidbit should I gin up into a scandal? Because frankly, I've been digging for weeks, and I just can't find one damn thing that you guys have done wrong.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Elvis' Setlist For Hillary's Party

Beyond Belief

Clean Money

Lip Service

(I Don't Want To Go To) Chelsea

His First Real Worries

I like this paragraph from The Horse's Mouth, by Joyce Cary:

Frank was having trouble with his boils. He had a plaster on his neck and was carrying his head all on one side. I like Franklin. He's about nineteen, and is just getting his first real worries. The girls he fancies don't fancy him; the ones he fancied last year and doesn't fancy any more are lying in wait for him with kisses and hatchets. Made a bit in the pools and lost a lot on the dogs. And his best friend did him out of a good job, because he wanted to get married. Three years ago he was a happy corner boy, living like a hog in his dirty little mind. Now he's been stabbed alive. He's seeing things. The old woman of the world has got him. Old mother necessity.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Where I'll Be Sunday

Click image to enlarge.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Excerpts from George W. Bush's conversations with the Dalai Lama.

Heck, back when you won the Nobel Prize, the darn thing meant something. These days, it's garbage, a beauty contest, and everybody knows it.
By Seely, at Slate.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Where I'll Be Saturday

As is always the case lately, the good news is you'll be able to walk out of there with an autographed copy of Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen.

The bad news: it'll be my autograph.

More info here.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Poor Rudy

rudythumbcrop

Newsflash to the rest of the country: Everybody in New York hates this guy. Everybody.

Not only does the New York Times have up, today, a blistering account of his exploits reviling and ridiculing people on his radio show during his time as mayor. Not only does said article document several incidents where, in the course of yelling inappropriately at people, he takes firm stands 180 degrees away from the far-right pandering he's engaged in now. ("It really is absolutely astounding that the N.R.A. continues to have influence in areas in which they make no sense at all.”)

But this is the photo they ran with the article:

05radio-600

Poor Rudy. No friends in New York.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Loss For Words

I just received this email:


What can I say on the Anniversary Wall? Any ideas?

If, instead of giving your great ideas to me, you want to spread the message of how the Presidential Prayer team has drawn you closer to the Lord, here's the link.

But let us know what you said.

Also: I've been wondering what will happen to the Presidential Prayer Team if a Democrat gets in. Will they keep praying for the President?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Thursday, September 13, 2007

A Tom Peyer Classic!!

strewthcrop

Go here for the whole thing!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Cruel! Unusual! Peyer! Delano! McCrea!

c&ucov

Out tomorrow: The all-new Desperado edition of CRUEL AND UNUSUAL, a truly vile graphic novel written by Tom "SuperFranken- stein" Peyer and Jamie "Occasional Bear & Meat" Delano, and drawn by John "filthy Irishman" McCrea.

This was pretty disgusting when I first published it at Vertigo, and I doubt it's gotten any better. A nice little family tale about a Florida prison turned into a reality TV show, with typically tasteful McCrea art.

Really, if you value your Christian soul, don't buy it. Just watch General Petraeus instead and write down everything he says.

Friday, September 07, 2007

"They have to paint me red before they chop me. It's a different religion from ours. I think."

I just watched Help! on YouTube, thanks to a Metafilter thread that links to every Beatles movie there, all of them complete except for Let It Be. Go before they take them down.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Awwww, Cute!


Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Crosspost

complpnts6566

An essay that got away from me: The one, true, essential Peanuts volume.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Wait 'Til Your Savior Gets Home

Email alert! Email alert! Trouble at Hot Parts House!

Does anyone know if there are any sponsorships or scholarships (in Texas?) to pay for attending a Christian school? We are sending our eldest daughter to a Christian school. Now we have to find the money. I know that is putting the cart before the horse but conditions dearly warranted the move.
What did he catch her doing? Leave your guess in the comments!

[Previously...]

Friday, August 24, 2007

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Take That, People Who Really Write Poetry

Today, Phil Rizzuto is the #1 poet on Amazon. You can read samples of his work here, here and here, and buy the book through the link in the sidebar. All royalties go to charities Scooter chose.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Seely carved these verses out of two Phil Rizzuto broadcasts for our book, and I had to read them again today. The come from the first games played after Yankee catcher Thurman Munson's fatal plane crash. All words Scooter's.

Prayer for the Captain

There's a little prayer I always say
Whenever I think of my family or when I'm flying,
When I'm afraid, and I am afraid of flying.
It's just a little one. You can say it no matter what,
Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Protestant or whatever.
And I've probably said it a thousand times
Since I heard the news on Thurman Munson.

It's not trying to be maudlin or anything.
His Eminence, Cardinal Cooke, is going to come out
And say a little prayer for Thurman Munson.
But this is just a little one I say time and time again,
It's just: Angel of God, Thurman's guardian dear,
To whom his love commits him here there or everywhere,

Ever this night and day be at his side,

To light and guard, to rule and guide.


For some reason it makes me feel like I'm talking to Thurman,
Or whoever's name you put in there,
Whether it be my wife or any of my children, my parents or anything.
It's just something to keep you really from going bananas.
Because if you let this,
If you keep thinking about what happened, and you can't
understand it,
That's what really drives you to despair.

Faith. You gotta have faith.
You know, they say time heals all wounds,
And I don't quite agree with that a hundred percent.
It gets you to cope with wounds.
You carry them the rest of your life.

Phil Rizzuto August 3, 1979
Baltimore at New York
Pregame show



***
The Man In The Moon

The Yankees have had a traumatic four days.
Actually five days.
That terrible crash with Thurman Munson.
To go through all that agony,
And then today,
You and I along with the rest of the team
Flew to Canton for the services,
And the family...
Very upset,

You know, it might,
It might sound a little corny.
But we have the most beautiful full moon tonight.
And the crowd,
Enjoying whatever is going on right now.
They say it might sound corny,
But to me it's some kind of a,
Like an omen.

Both the moon and Thurman Munson,
Both ascending up into heaven.
I just can't get that out of my mind.
I just saw that full moon,
And it just reminded me of Thurman.
And that's it.

- August 6, 1979
Baltimore at New York
Ron Guidry pitching to Lee May
Fifth inning, bases empty, no outs
Orioles lead 1-0



***

More here.

So Long, Piggy

rove

"I foresee that man will resign himself each day to new abominations, that soon only soldiers and bandits will be left."

-Borges, "The Garden of Forking Paths"

Monday, August 13, 2007

It's All About Me

Thanks for the GIANT ROBOT WARRIORS plug below, SuperFrankenstein. To show my overwhelming gratitude, I've started my own blog. It's called Pensive Mischief, and it's designed to serve as a guide to my work both as writer and editor...but there will be much commentary, news, and previews as well.

I'm not abandoning the Beer and the Meat, though. I'll still be here as infrequently and incoherently as ever. In fact...could there be a TEAM-UP in the works? We're huddling in the offices RIGHT NOW, True Bereaver. Start saving your virtual shekels now!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Robots Go Boing Boing

The great and powerful Boing Boing today praises Stuart's comic, Giant Robot Warriors, as "a masterful comic allegory for world's military build-up and stand-offs." Which it is!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Simpsons Movie: The Hot Parts



God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the fundamentalist web ministry that fights movie smut by describing it in arousing detail--reviewed The Simpsons Movie!

I have nothing good to say about any of the parts that just might have a positive statement (as most films do) because, however few they are, positive elements are so deeply embedded in animated manure they are nearly invisible. The immoral screaming of this film drowns out the gossamer whispers of good. The caliber of this film could also be compared to filling a theater auditorium with manure two inches deep then sprinkling a drop or two of perfume in three of four places. While sitting in your chair are you going to be able to smell the perfume? Even if you are sitting next to where the perfume landed?
Jesus, Hot Parts Guy! I got your point two sentences ago! Now get to the hot parts! (There may be spoilers, but you've seen it already.)
Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
# action violence, repeatedly
# three drowning deaths
# baby-killing video game
# eye impalement injury
# choking child
# slapstick violence, repeatedly
# bully assault
# stupidity with a firearm
# crushing/squashing death
# four gunfire injuries
# brutality
# arrow impalement
# theft
# implication leading to false arrest
# hanging staging
# father choking son
# firearm to control, repeatedly
# animal attack
# physical assault with joy in revenge
# death by crushing

Impudence/Hate (I)
# seven uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary, twice by an adolescent
# child firing pellet gun at father
# father daring son to skateboard nude
# tattoo
# mob mentality
# at the daughter's anger the mother said "You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever"
# adolescent insult of father, repeatedly
# son calling father by first name, twice
# father calling the daughter an accident

Sexual Immorality (S)
# posterior cleavage
# crotch hit
# child nudity, frequent, including full frontal anatomically correct nudity
# homosexual kiss
# adults in underwear
# implied intercourse
# anatomical reference
# female pointing the direction to go by swinging her breasts
# self-touching

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
# "Binge responsibly"
# smoking, repeatedly
# adolescent drinking
# adolescent drunkenness
# adolescent alcoholism
# comment re: drinking is okay
# adolescent intoxication collapse
# drugging to control, including a child
# smoking drugs

Offense to God (O)
# one use of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive and ten without, once by an adolescent
# blasphemy
# "this book [the Bible] doesn't have any answers"
# contempt for God, faith and the Scriptures throughout
# "We told you so" on a church marquis

Murder/Suicide (M)
# impalement murder
# video game murder by gunfire
# robot committing suicide by gunfire
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go rub one out.

Friday, July 27, 2007

"Why Does Everything I Whip Leave Me?"

270+ Deadspin commenters share their favorite Simpsons lines.

Westerns Can Predict The Future


I'm reading Blood On The Trail by Max Brand, first published in 1957, and one of the villains is named Bush Reagan.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Comic-Con San Diego 2007

This looks like the one that might finish us all off. Here's where I'll be:

Thursday, July 26th
1:00 - 2:00: Marvel Comics, signing NEW AVENGERS/TRANSFORMERS and showing off new projects. Booth #2429.
5:00 - 6:00: Fox Atomic, showing off previews of THE NIGHTMARE FACTORY. Booth #4429.

Friday, July 27th
11:00 - 12:00: Tokyopop, signing EARTHLIGHT volumes 1 & 2 and showing off previews of #3. Booth #3529.
3:30 - 4:30: Tokyopop panel: Comics Vs. Manga. Booth #3529.

Saturday, July 28th
4:00 - 6:00: Group signing for the new anthology POSTCARDS at the Comic Relief booth, #1514.

And various other times: Virgin Comics, talking about the new Virgin/SciFi imprint I'm editing. Booth #1803.

Come on out and support your hard-working local comics creator. Bring oxygen and Doritos Experimental Flavor X-13D!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

My Neighborhood Is Empty

Wife's theory: "Everyone's home reading."

Friday, July 20, 2007

This Is Great

Questions For The Candidates, by Hart Seely, at Slate.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Quote

"I put bomb in squirrel's briefcase and who gets blown up? Me!"
-- Boris Badenov

Monday, July 16, 2007

Good News For Rodd & Todd Flanders

Wal-Mart to sell religious toys

With Tales of Glory Spirit Warrior Action Figures children can bring the greatest stories of the Bible to life. Each 13" action figure comes with a mini-storybook. Spirit Warriors are big tough toys that boys will love to play with. Add a Tales of Glory Play-mat to Spirit Warrior action figures and watch your child's imagination soar.
More here.

We Watched This Sat. Night

It's about the greatest man who ever lived. Four stars.



Superargo is a retired pro wrestler who:

  • Still wears his mask and costume all the time.
  • Studies levitation and telekinesis.
  • Investigates fantastic crimes for the government.
  • Insists on investigating fantastic crimes his own way.
If you've ever heard of anyone better, let me know. But be sure. Because I don't think you have, and I don't want to hear a lot of Jesus Christ this and Abraham Lincoln that.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

So, How'd The Signing Go?

My Tek Jansen "co-writer" John Layman extracts what lessons can be gained from yesterday's "disappointing, shocking and shameful" events at Comics Dungeon.

Friday, July 13, 2007

I Said I'd Remind You

I'll be signing copies of Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen on Saturday from 12-3 at Seattle's Comics Dungeon.

Complaint: Toy Leaks Clue To Existence Of Boners

The Red Robin restaurant chain is taking action after a Twin Cities family won a bear with an ad for Viagra at one of its restaurants.

Joe Kelner, 11, won a bear while playing the claw machine at the Red Robin in Shoreview.

Joe's parents thought it was inappropriate and complained to restaurant employees.

"It's important for parents to know that there are maybe inappropriate toys in these vending machines that you think are safe," Lori Kelner said.

Red Robin says the bears were supplied by a local vendor from New York as part of a Nascar package promoting its sponsors.

The company said they are removing the bears from all its restaurants.


KSTP.com

If I were going back to elementary school in six weeks, I wouldn't want to be famous for owning Viagra Bear. Rest in peace, Joe Kelner, 11.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Lady Bird

Nancy:
I've been where the eagle flies
Rode his wings 'cross autumn skies
Kissed the sun, touched the moon
But he left me much too soon
His lady bird...he left his lady bird

Lee:
Lady bird come on down
I'm here waiting on the ground
Lady bird I'll treat you good
Ah, lady bird I wish you would
You lady bird...pretty lady bird

Nancy:
Lightning flashed across the sky
The night he taught me how to fly
The sun came up and then I found
Too soon he let his lady down
His lady bird...I'm his lady bird

Lee:
Lady bird come on down
I'm here waiting on the ground
Lady bird I'll treat you good
Aw, lady bird I wish you would
You lady bird...pretty lady bird

Nancy:
Winter lives in my heart
In the times that we're apart
Summer sings a song or two
When he says 'I love you true'
My lady bird...yeah, I'm his lady bird

Lee:
Lady bird come on down
I'm here waiting on the ground
Lady bird I'll treat you good
Aw, lady bird I wish you would
You lady bird...pretty lady bird

Nancy:
I'm your lady bird

Lee:
You're a lady bird

Nancy:
Yes, I'm a lady bird

Lee:
You're too much you little bird


Lady Bird Johnson 1912-2007

Remember When President Bush Asked Americans To Support The War On Terror By Shopping?

Today would be good.


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

It's Tekmas Eve


Set your chrono-clocks! Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen crash-lands into comics shops everywhere on Wednesday.

I'll be signing copies on Saturday from 12-3 at Seattle's Comics Dungeon. Don't worry, I'll remind you.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Friday, July 06, 2007

Huh.