Friday, February 10, 2006

America's Enemies


Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research... CREATING HUMAN-ANIMAL HYBRIDS!!!

President George W. Bush
State Of The Union, 2006

spideyockWith so much pro-hybee drivel circulating, it's sadly important to reinforce the obvious: hybrids are a menace. Examples:

DR. OCTOPUS - Not genetically a human/animal hybrid, but close enough. His super-strong arms of telescoping metal exemplify the horrific potential of science unleavened by a humbling belief in God. He has no place in my America; what about yours?

wolf_manTHE WOLF MAN -- An ancient verse cautions, "Even a man who is pure at heart and says his prayers by night/Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the moon is full and bright." His bite is more than a weapon of destruction. It is a recruitment tool that can transform good people of every noble faith into murderers who serve evil.

beauty_beastTHE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU -- We need to secure our borders while supporting their right to win their own freedom. I hope one day our nation will be the closest of friends with a free and democratic Island of Dr Moreau.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST -- Americans do not believe in a definition of marriage that recognizes the union of a woman and a monster.

zaiusGiamattiDR. ZAIUS -- Orangutans and their militant gorilla allies seek to impose a heartless system of totalitarian control throughout the world. But our enemies and our friends can be certain: the United States will never surrender to apes.

PAUL GIAMATTI -- What is he supposed to be, anyway? I get the human part, but I don't recognize the other half.

1 comment:

El Duque said...


As I have previously stated, Dr. Octopus does NOT qualify as a human-animal hybrid. The mere fact that his NAME is Dr. Octopus does not mean he is a hybrid.

According to your logic, Admiral Bird and Adam Ant would be hybrids. They are not.

Sir, web-publishing requires perhaps the highest standard of all for getting the facts right.

The last thing we need are cartoon riots over human-animal hybrids.

A correction and apology are in order. AND PULL THE OFFENDING POST ABOUT DR. OCTOPUS.