Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Dark Water

Comic book writer John Layman (Fantastic Four: House Of M; The Complete Idiot's Guide To Drawing Manga) has been using his blog to endorse the PepsiCo consumer brand Aquafina®.

Beyond claims that it's "pretty freaking perfect," Layman has yet to offer any convincing reason for his incessant promotion of the soft drink giant's line of specialty waters.

Of course, whatever his motive, Layman has a right to shill for any product he wants.

It's his blog.

But his right to sell--or to sell out--ends at the threshold of our homeland's right to security.

Last week, Layman introduced what he touted as a recurring feature: H2O HEROES, which would display "people of note enjoying fine Aquafina beverages." His first subject was a popular television actress.

That got me thinking... and wondering. I submitted a question and a follow-up:

If it were proven beyond a reasonable doubt that a known terrorist drank Aquafina®, would that lessen your enthusiasm for the product?

Follow up: If the answer to the first question is 'no,' what would it take to get you to hate Aquafina®?
A day passed.

No answer.

I resubmitted the questions.

Still no answer.

Another day passed. Another Layman post went up. I repeated the questions again.

Still no answer.

If a picture is truly worth 1,000 words, then the zero words Layman has given us on this matter paint the ugliest picture imaginable.

As each day passes it gets harder to believe that Layman would object--or even care--if a known terrorist enjoyed the clean taste of Aquafina®.

One is even forced to wonder whether this popular writer--who has done so well under the American free enterprise system--would put his own selfish appetite for refreshment above the lives and safety of his countrymen.

As long as you're "wetting your whistle," Mr. Layman, why not quench America's thirst for the truth?

You'd better come "clean" before our patience runs "dry."


El Duque said...


Follow the money.

Follow... the... money.

Anonymous said...

James Randi will pay him one million dollars if he can prove Aquafina is perfect.

Goody said...

I make this comment not just as a naked show of support for Superfrankenstein, but also as part of my desire - NAY, my duty as an American!- to voice the truth: Aquafina sucks. For reals.

Anonymous said...

"If a picture is truly worth 1,000 words, then the zero words Layman has given us on this matter paint the ugliest picture imaginable."

This may well be the most perfect sentence ever written.

--Agent Double-Four

Elayne said...

Let me get this straight. This is all about... bottled water?

Superfrankenstein said...

Water is the oil of the 21st century.

Superfrankenstein said...

This post has been up for thirteen hours. Not a peep from Layman.