Monday, August 08, 2005

Dirty Birds

gay penguinsGod's Guide To The Hot Parts -- the internet ministry that fights Hollywood smut by bumping and grinding it right in your face -- loved the penguin movie, with one reservation (and I quote):

March of the Penguins also includes an instance of animal copulation. There is absolutely nothing lewd about it and no animal privates are seen, but it is still a sexual act that can create thinking in your adolescents.
How's that again?
...can create thinking in your adolescents.
What could be worse? The Dukes of Hazzard, which provoked or aroused The Hot Parts Guy with (and I quote):

  • reckless driving/speeding with varying intensities, frequently
  • flight to avoid lawful capture, repeatedly
  • racing violence
  • barbed wire in crotch
  • perversion, i.e. wanting sex with a car
  • homosexual allusion (male face at male crotch, dressed)
  • removal of shirt to entice
  • chewing tobacco
  • pretense to invoke impression of personal honor by invoking Jesus' name
Well, at least Dukes agenda didn't push the "defiance of father" and "teen gamming" that nearly ruined Sky High!

3 comments:

Goody said...

life without the Hot Parts guy

"Huh huh...those penguins are doin' it...think I'ma go and take the Lord's name in vain and fuck me a chicken!"

jdonelson.nyc said...

"barbed wire in crotch"

I had that once and let me tell you, I'll never complain about a mere case of crabs ever again.

El Duque said...

Superfrankenstein,

I'm appalled.

The March of the Penguins is pure cinematic snuff. Scenes of hardcore bird copulation run the gamut, from beak-to-behind to claw-to-feather, and the looks of swollen ecstacy on the penguins' faces haunted me for days afterward. I wouldn't let my dog watch such filth, much less my children. What does PG stand for anymore, Penguin Gash?