Lie and Lay

In this space yesterday, I questioned the patriotism of John Layman.

Today, the embattled comic book writer (The Unauthorized Puffed Movie Adaptation) finally acknowledged my charges and published a response.

Now, I read it carefully and I still don't know whether Layman is a patriot or a traitor.

But if love of country could be measured by weak excuses and crazy logic that makes no sense, then Layman would be Uncle Sam sodomizing an eagle with the Statue of Liberty's torch at the top of Mount Rushmore on the 4th of July while Toby Keith and the Bush twins sing Yankee Doodle Dandy to the Unknown Soldier.

If you read what Layman wrote, make sure you have plenty of Aquafina® bottled water on hand, because you'll need to wash out your eyes.

I have but one regret concerning my well-intentioned part in this sordid affair. I never should have called on Layman for answers. I should only have encouraged him to do what would have prevented this tempest in the first place: shut, as William F. Buckley once advised the left-liberal Gore Vidal, his God damned mouth.

But it's too late to put the genie back into the Aquafina® bottle. And let's not forget that Layman enjoys the same constitutional rights as sex offenders and suicide bombers. So write about water all you want, Mr. Layman.

The supreme irony is, it won't "wash."