If you voted in our new sidebar poll before 2:25 Pacific, please recast your ballot. Again, paperless voting failed.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 10:46
Here's how you voted:
Remember, you were handicapping the 2005 A.H.O.Y., not participating in it. The real election happens later this year, just as soon as we crush the insurgents! Meanwhile, submit nominations here and study last year's results here!
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 15:06
How can a small, 200-employee outfit like the Bob Barker Company call itself "The World's Leading Detention Supplier?" Maybe it's because they come prepared:
In the pressure cooker of a detention facility, a small problem with a product can have dire and immediate consequences.
At Bob Barker we never forget that fact.
We smash radios on the floor and grind toothbrushes on cinderblock walls to see how easily they can be made into shanks.Or maybe it's their belief that children are the future.
Or their plain-spoken way of doin' business:
For the best quality, performance, and delivery, insist on Bob Barker's Isolation/Suicide Cell products. Call us today.Or their attention to the little things.
Or maybe they just sell the best dog-gone merchandise:
Bob Barker® TranZport Hood
Bob Barker® Ten-Man Transport Chain
At Ease® Adult Disposable Briefs
Bob Barker® Activewear
If you're ever in Fuquay-Verina, NC, stop by their new corporate headquarters and say hi! They'll be happy to reminisce about BBCs growth from "the back of a barbershop in 1972" to its latest sale of "suicide prevention products to the U.S.-managed Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq!"
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 16:51
CHIEF: Max, you'll be confined by the tubes of a respirator; locked in a painful, escalating struggle for every breath; at the mercy of exhausted, underpaid hospital employees for even the most basic necessities; deprived of all modesty and dignity; yearning for the only relief you can ever hope to have, that of eternal oblivion...
MAX: ...And loving it!
Monday, September 26, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 16:19
POIGNANT: Geraldo v. The New York Times, by Hart Seely and me, at National Lampoon!
TOUCHING: The Top Ten Reasons Beer Is Better Than Jesus! [Via Greg Burgas]
TENDER: Robby Reed pays tribute to Hourman -- including the series I wrote -- at Dial B For Blog! Totally Airwolf!
TRAGIC: Wonder Woman makes the mistake of her life!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 12:04
A North Syracuse couple got an unlisted telephone number and moved their two children out of their house because of harassment over the family's appearance on ABC's "Wife Swap," the mother of the husband said Thursday.North Syracuse family harassed after TV show
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 20:01
If you voted in our super-important new Asshole Of The Year poll (see sidebar) before 8:01 PM Pacific time, I have to ask you to cast your ballot again. Due to I don't know what, your votes weren't counted. Sorry!
God damned paperless voting!
And remember, this is not your A.H.O.Y. vote! This is your prediction for who will win the election when it's held at year's end! Yes, like every other internet "poll," it means absolutely nothing!
Posted by Mustang at 00:07
On The DL, the baseball trash-gossip blog that's fast becoming 1,000 times more relevant than all of the New York Times opinion columnists put together, now offers photos of ballplayers drinking & flirting!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Monday, September 19, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 12:28
SYRACUSE, N.Y. A three-year-old's birthday party turned into a crime scene yesterday.Man stabbed at birthday party after insulting Syracuse
Police say one guest was stabbed after he started insulting Syracuse.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 09:20
The Christian Crusaders have, as far as I can tell, one member:
Name: The ChristianCheck this site out for detailed plans to eradicate evil in Dallas/Fort Worth; a "Real-life Superhero List (in no particular order)" that includes "All USA Presidents;" and, best of all, The Christian's interactions with citizens in distress:
Superhero Group: Christian Crusaders
Powers: Word of God (Holy Bible), Prayer, Demon Cast, Evil Sense, Holy Ghost Projection
Mission: Christian World Domination
Main Base of Operations: DFW Metroplex (Dallas/Fort Worth)
Example Email Plea for Help #1:[Via Superhuman]
Date: January 2, 2005
ID: 24, Male, Bus Driver, Non-Christian, firstname.lastname@example.org
Problem: I have been beaten by violent gang members the past five weeks while going home after my shift. I make barely enough to feed my family, and I fear for my youngest, who is very sick. I want to move to America, but I cannot save enough money for such a journey for me and my family.
Solution: I will pray for you. Also, I urge you and your family to become Christian as soon as possible.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 13:38
Which sexy and oft-injured future superstar struggles with alcohol problems?I don't care, but I like these juicy blind items--and readers' guesses-- about baseball players, On The DL.
"I get my determination from her." Roger Clemens pitched yesterday, hours after his mother died. He gave up 1 run in 6.1 innings for his 340th win.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 08:48
Disgraced comic book writer John Layman links to a 24-page preview (.pdf) of Armageddon & Son, his upcoming graphic novel described by top critics as "Great Gatsby meets Pleasure Resort Women at the OK Corral on Groundhog Day!"
WARNING TO PARENTS: DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN DOWNLOAD THIS COMIC! It's just what he wants!
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 13:45
Right now on CNN, two white panelists, Bay Buchanan and Paul Begala, are debating whether race played (A) a negligible role in the treatment of New Orleans survivors; or (B) no role at all. Their white moderator, Wolf Blitzer, is giving equal time to both extremes.
Posted by Mustang at 01:01
Over at the Presidential Prayer Team site--where Christian conservatives go to be told what to say to God--is a section called ADDITIONAL LEADERS TO PRAY FOR THIS WEEK. Its featured star, listed above Condoleezza Rice, is FEMA director Michael Brown.
On the same page, evangelist Luis Palau thinks of Katrina and can barely contain his pee:
This is our opportunity to reclaim America for Jesus Christ!Oh, take it.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 17:48
Essential: 'When you look at who is left behind, it is very disturbing to me.' Katrina news links at Negrophile [Via Notes From A Different Kitchen]
Posted by Mustang at 11:45
Mark Waid and I interrogate Yvonne (Batgirl) Craig at millarworld.the.magazine!
Things Hagrid The Half-Giant Would Say If He Served Jesus Instead Of Harry Potter by Hart Seely, at McSweeney's!
Posted by Mustang at 11:43
Cindy Sheehan & Veterans For Peace move Camp Casey to Louisiana! They're distributing hurricane relief; Michael Moore is soliciting donations!
Essential: Metafilter's Katrina archive!
Ant-Man: The Motion Picture! [The astonishing news is in the second paragraph!] [Via Metafilter]
Robby Reed picks the 5 Sickest Comic Book Covers!
ZAP! PISS! Bladderman fights bedwetting!
Christ, That Dog's Big!