THE WRONG THROAT

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CORRECTION

I goofed! Pray For Clay Day is the first day of every month, not the last! It starts at midnight Eastern; have you signed up?

THE NEWS EXPLAINED WITH COMIC BOOK COVERS

Man Claims He Was Watergate's 'Deep Throat'



Supreme Court Overturns Arthur Andersen Conviction



Heir To Marry Paris Hilton

More here, here and here.

Our Lady

Over Memorial Day weekend, the time when Americans and possibly Canadians remembered those who fought and died for our right to vote in polls, dozens of you took the Laura Bush Survey:

Laura Bush Should Be...


You stunned the observers and embarrassed the pundits by voting not to impeach Mrs. Bush, not to arrest her, not to end the First Marriage, but to leave Laura alone! You, the people, have spoken--and your voice is being heard, loud and clear! This space hereby suspends its campaign to bring Mrs. Bush to justice, effective immediately. As long as the wind keeps blowing this way, my attitude toward the First Lady can be summed up with the following time-honored nugget of proven wisdom:

"Live--and let live!"

Laura Verdict Nears

Laura Bush should be...

The poll is close! It ends at midnight Pacific Time! Your vote could decide the fiendish one's fate!

Plinko Freaks

If you think the internet is all porn, cranky politics, Star Trek, and I-had this-for-lunch confessionals, you're wrong. A brief, desperate, what-do-I-post-now search reveals that a good 25% of the web is devoted to The Price Is Right, including:

Daily episode summaries--I said daily episode summaries--on The Price Is Right Blog!

Rules, history and picures of more than 80 Price Is Right pricing games!

A page of singular fan art!

Price Is Right music clips!

Video clips and gossip!

And, most creepily, The Price Is Right Swimsuit Models Galleries!

Can Price Is Right fan fiction be far behind?

Bob Barker was tired. Who wouldn't be, he thought to himself, after hosting an hour-long game show for more than thirty years? Thirty turmoil-laden years that included Watergate, the Challenger explosion, the death of Ronald Reagan, the invasion of Iraq? The litany made his nipples harden...

This is why I link to tabloid covers. Two days after A-Rod stunned no one but a few sports pundits by "revealing" he had his head shrunk, the New York Post serves up this masterpiece.

Links Of Fury

Star Wars Is Satan's Tool will make you say, "They're kidding, right?" [A tip of the Phil Spector hair to Jim Chadwick!]

Scott Saavedra confronts the brain-teasing enigma of The Riddler's puzzling footwear!

Thank God For Yubiwaza and for Mr. Dan Kelly's gallery of Comic Book Martial Arts Ads!

I don't know art, but I know what I like: HUMAN CORPSES BUILT FROM POULTRY MEAT and POSED IN WRECKED CARS!! [Via]

The Race Is Over checkered flag casket ($2495.00)! Also: The Michelangelo ($999.99; Last Supper painting on inside lid, $75.00 extra)! [Via]

Christ, That Dog's Big!

--Brian Hinshaw and RibbonMaker!

A few problems with Blogger today; you might not be able to post comments, and even if you do, they might not be visible. In a case like today's, some might say all we can do is wait and pray, but you know that's not SUPERFRANKENSTEIN's way. To keep the 2-way going, I've started a poll. Over there. To the right. Under the word "POLL." Vote!

Trinity

Another busy workday. No time for our mission to expose the fetid giblets of American ugliness. Sorry, Clay, Jessica and McDonald's!

Busy workday. No time to expose the sickening underguts of society and culture. Except for this picture of Laura Bush and Khokha!

Pray for Clay

The last day of the month is Pray For Clay Day:

May's Theme - Clay's Upcoming Tour!!!
Ticket Sales, Safe Travel, Good Reviews ETC.

PRAY FOR CLAY DAY IS NOT A DAY TO WORSHIP CLAY, IT IS A DAY TO LIFT CLAY AND THOSE AROUND HIM UP IN PRAYER FOR EVERY MINUTE IN A FULL 24 HOUR SPAN. IT IS THE BEST GIFT WE CAN EVER GIVE HIM.

prayforclay.com

Photo: All Things Clay Aiken

A message from The Mighty Layman and RibbonMaker!

Yabba Dabba Doom

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Henry Corden, the voice of cartoon caveman Fred Flintstone's "Yabba-dabba-doo!" for more than two decades, has died. He was 85.

More...

You can find me at the big exciting ComiCardToyCon this Sunday at Seattle Center from 10 to 5.

Celebrity guests include The Mighty Layman.

Stop by, get his autograph, and make fleeting, uncomfortable eye contact with me!

The Batman Curse

<Illo: Batfriend.com
The passing this week of Frank Gorshin, the dastardly Riddler, turned correspondent El Duque morbid. In the comments section under the commemorative picture of Mr. Gorshin below, Duque pleaded, "How many of the TV Batman's foes are still alive?"

The news isn't good.

Thirty-six actors challenged the Dynamic Duo as "Special Guest Villains."

Twenty-four have died.

Among the dozen still with us are all three Catwomen: Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt and Lee Merriweather. The other nine, in bat-alphabetical order:

Joan Collins (The Siren)
Zsa Zsa Gabor (Minerva)
Glynis Johns (Lady Penelope Peasoup)
Van Johnson (The Minstrel)
Cliff Robertson (Shame)
Barbara Rush (Nora Clavicle)
Malachi Throne (False Face)
Eli Wallach (Mr. Freeze)
Shelley Winters (Ma Parker)

By taking roles in Batman, did two dozen stars unwittingly sentence themselves to death?

You don't think it's possible? Ask Roddy McDowall (Bookworm). Ask Liberace (Chandell). Ask Tallulah Bankhead (Black Widow).

There's only one problem. You can't.

They're all dead.

Superfrankenstein's Pal Peter Olson is wearing his social conscience on his lapel...



...Thanks to RibbonMaker!

QUOTABLE

"The Crusaders' hag came to sully the land of the caliphate."
-- Al-Zarqawi on Condoleeza Rice

Sith And Sin

God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the fundamentalist web ministry that fights Hollywood smut by describing it until you get so hot--reviewed Episode III, the first PG-13 Star Wars movie. A few objections (careful: there may be spoilers):

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)

action peril, repeatedly

order to kill, repeatedly

physical transformation with gore

burn gore, repeatedly


Impudence/Hate (I)

sustained anger and hatred, some brutal and vicious

much effort to coerce to evil with sympathy and temptation with evil


Sexual Immorality (S)

man and woman in bed

below navel skin, threatening to expose what follows

excessive cleavage

camera angle to force viewer on private parts (clothed)

dressing to maximize the human form and/or skin exposure (once)


Drugs/Alcohol (D):

none noted


Offense to God (O)

"The Chosen One - the prophecy says"

"You fool!"

use of "magic" to levitate, to control others and to do harm

using evil for good


Murder/Suicide (M)

beheading murder (severing unseen)

The Hot Parts Guy adds this Scripture paraphrase:

Ps. 12:8 The wicked freely strut about [e.g., create progressively vile/offensive entertainment with impunity and no consequences to younger and younger audiences every year] when what is vile is honored among men [when enough people continue to defend it, embrace it, pay for it, enjoy it, want it, submit to it].

Oh, and one more thing:

Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew), who lives close to me but I have never met him, makes a couple appearances while Jar-Jar (Ahmed Best) makes one thankfully non-speaking appearance.

April 5, 1933 - May 17, 2005

Ribbons a-go-go, from Dan Kelly...


...Goody...



...and Dave Latigue!



Make RibbonMaker ribbons and send them to me!

This is the current issue--and the one to buy if you can't get enough of me.

From Goody, Jason and YoMama, respectively:



Keep sending your RibbonMaker ribbons!

Toilet Paper

I know I'm a day late with this, but I'm not simply reacting to the Post's sensitive parallel between a religious sect and dookie. I just noticed the sidebar headlines:

Israel In Crisis Over Madonna

Star Wars Zapped My Love Life

That's all.

Please keep sending your RibbonMaker ribbons (see below).

Two frank RibbonMaker ribbons from The Mighty Layman...



...and one from the all-too Real Sam Johnson:



Send!

Two outstanding RibbonMaker ribbons from TraumaQueen!
Send yours!

This one's from Goody. Nice work, G!



From Anonymous:



Anonymous sure got that right (as s/he so often does)! Show off your glib arrogance with the RibbonMaker and send me what you made!

Fight sacrifice-free righteousness with sacrifice-free righteousness at Support Our Ribbons. I had fun with their RibbonMaker:

Send me the ribbons you make and I'll post some. (I won't use your name unless you say I can.)

Way To Write!

Awesomest dialog of '05 on tonight's 24:

TONY:

It's funny. This morning, Jack and Audrey were planning their future. Now he's responsible for her husband's death and he may have to torture her brother.

MICHELLE:

And yet, every move he's made has been the right one.

TONY:

Not if he wanted to be with her.

People Get Ready

God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the fundamentalist web ministry that fights Hollywood smut by describing it in arousing detail--just dispatched this urgent e-mail alert:

I have been invited to a private screening of Star Wars: Episode III here in town on Tuesday night, May 17, a full day before its official opening at 12:01 AM, Thursday, May 19. I will have the results distributed and posted to the website as soon as possible after viewing it, hopefully before the first showing.

Needless to say, I too will have the results distributed and posted to the website as soon as possible after The Hot Parts Guy views it, hopefully before the first showing.

An American Hero

The New Yorker who vowed to drink in 1000 Bars during 2005 hit #500 Saturday. This puts him on a pace to finish by September 25.

Say 'Jeez!'

Your portrait with Christ
Your family at the Crucifixion

Right now, as I'm typing this, Smilin' Stan Lee is on a Fox News political panel, an event no 1965 reader of Tales To Astonish could have anticipated. They're talking about reports of some dark alliance between Hillary Clinton and Newt Ginrich. The anchor's first question to Stan:

Stan Lee, both of these people are very sort of outspoken characters. You could say that in some ways they have comic characteristics to both of them. How would you, how would you picture these two super-heroes going up against each other?

Join us on Monday for another episode of the Fox News discussion series, Talkin' Down!

Two Steps Back

This morning, Connecticut carried out the first execution of a New England prisoner in 45 years.

Plus, if you act before June 15, you can win a chance to meet Lindsay Lohan!

Pow! Zap! Comics Aren't Just For Traitors Anymore!

When the liberals team up with the terrorists, it looks like a job for... The American Patriot! [Via]

Breathtaking gallery of vandalized Britney posters. [Via]

This Just In

Hart Seely and I have a piece about TV news in Slate! Go read it!