Shutout

Results of the Superfrankenstein/CBS poll, "Who's the Man?"


Congratulations President Chávez! And President Bush: I thought you might lose this one, but a goose egg? Awful.

Wouldn't You Like To Be A Pepper, Too?

Good Lyric

Who do the fightin' for these rich white folks, and they wars
No it ain't Drew Carey, Dennis Miller or stars
Fox News, Mike Savage, Bruce Willis or Rush
Won't be MSNBC, CNN or a Bush
Never Toby Keith, Hannity, O'Reilly or Clint
Ain't ClearChannel - know they ain't supportin' dissent
Ain't Blair, Kid Rock, or Tom Cruise or vows
Of James Woods, Rob Lowe, Tom Selleck or Powell
Not Arnold Schwarzenegger, he ain't gonna shoot, or
Ted Nugent cause in war the targets got weapons too
Ain't Cheney, Rumsfeld, Halliburton or Ridge
Or Ann Coulter, or Joseph Lieberman or the rich
Or any bitch up in congress, they just make laws
When it comes to fightin' - we the ones that end up in gauze
So when you say "support that murderer," I have no applause
Even if he got his jumpsuit on - we pay the cost

From Sheep To The Slaughter, by Paris, from the 2003 album Sonic Jihad. I love the line about Ted Nugent.

Outlaw Nation (fiction)

Go here for a juicy preview of fellow Monster Force-er Jamie Delano's OUTLAW NATION, now collected in one giant volume. I was the commissioning editor on this book, back several lives ago, and it's great stuff. Goran Sudzuka's art looks sharp and expressive in black and white, and the price is rock bottom -- it works out to less than a dollar an issue. NATION was always meant to be read in big chunks, and this is about as big as chunks get. Git it!

The Firestorm of Earth 2(a)(c+)

Every once in a while you find a gem like this on the message boards.

"Thumbs? Oh yeah, they just went up."

The two guys who wrote this thread are, almost to a mathematical certainty, really ONE guy. If he/they/it wrote comics, I'd give 'em a try.

News From Home

The woman got in the car and the two went to a nearby parking lot to negotiate a price for sex.

She asked the cop if he was a cop.

The officer said "no."

"That's OK, because I am," the woman told the officer as she pulled out handcuffs and a two-way radio.

Fake John Vs. Fake Cop
Syracuse Post Standard
Contributed by Monster Force Junior Correspondent Bake.

Nation Column On The Torture Pact (Brief & Pissed Off)

Coals To Newcastle

On this list of suppliers doing business in Iraq: 3B Scientific, a dealer in "skeletons, torsos and human organ models."

Sugar Bush Squirrel Is Running For President

As longtime Superfrankenstein readers remember, Floridian Kelly Foxton poses her pet squirrel in tableaus meant to cheer the Coalition on to victory. She's the Anti-Banksy, pouring work out as current events demand. The front page of her big, fat site now shows the squirrel being born into the Japanese royal family; impersonating The Crocodile Hunter and JonBenet Ramsey (no shit); killing ar-Zarqawi; being born to Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise; pitching a no-hitter for the Florida Marins; threatening the life of Kim Jong-il; and declaring for the highest office in the land. The Presidential stench of Satanic sulfur just got adorable!

Yankees Win American League East

Update: Thursday the idle Yankees backed into a tie with the Mets for best record in baseball.

Cheney Shits The Shitters

The vehicles that are sold and serviced by America's auto dealers are marvels of design, performance, and reliability, and all of you are rightly proud to work in this industry. You're part of the reason America remains among the strongest economies in the world. So it's a pleasure to be in the company of new-car and truck dealers from coast to coast -- and I bring good wishes to all of you and the members of your association from the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

Vice President's Remarks at the National Automobile Dealers Association 2006 Legislative Conference

America-Gadda-Da-Vida

You think you've heard troubador and former US Attorney General John Ashcroft--the pervert who hid the statue of justice because she wasn't wearing a top--sing Let The Eagle Soar, his biggest hit. But I'll bet you've never experienced the full 5:06 extended version. So place all necessary lotions and towels within easy reach, sit back, press play, and let Rapture disappear you to her secret overseas prison.

James Bond At The McDonald's Drive-Thru

I'll have a Double Quarter Pounder with Polodico cheese. Coarsely ground Argentine tenderloin, broiled three inches from the flame, five minutes per side. Two shakes of black pepper. Arugula, cherry tomatoes, and hollandaise sauce on black bread.

French Fries, hot, very crunchy on the outside, tossed with sea salt and chopped raw onion, double side of roasted garlic mayonnaise.

Hot Apple Pie baked with Granny Smith apples, cloves instead of cinnamon to cut sweetness, top crust garnished with four thumb-sized shavings of Cabot cheddar.

And a large Sprite.

The Week In Review

Streaky. Toilet paper. Flat Daddies.

Streaky

Streaky!

"Let the public service be a proud and lively career." -- President John F. Kennedy

Dallas ex-official: Nude men robbed me

A former Dallas city planning commissioner under investigation in an FBI corruption probe was arrested on public intoxication charges early Sunday after claiming he was robbed by naked attackers at a male strip club, authorities said.

Club employees told police they removed Lee -- who said he was there picking up women -- because he was causing a disturbance.

Playing Plot-O

I love the House of Mystery's term, "playing Plot-O." It makes me think of a writer constructing a sickly new plot out of scenes remembered from other movies, books and comics. Not that this ever happens.

Or pulling story elements to a depressingly foreseeable conclusion so the fucking story can be over with and the writer can get paid. Not that I know anyone who would do that.

Or any act of structural hackery. "I haven't watched Lost since they started playing Plot-O."

Blatant Self-Promotion

Now that 9/11, and The Path to 9/11, are blissfully over:



FIRESTORM: THE NUCLEAR MAN #29 features Part Two of "In My Father's House." It starts with a big cyborg battle and proceeds to a scene that FIRESTORM fans have been waiting for since issue #1. (I hope, anyway.)

And yes, Jamal Igle and I are leaving FIRESTORM with issue #32. But we're going out with a big climactic storyline that should blow the doors off the roof. Or something.

You can read the first five pages of FIRESTORM #29 here.

For some background on the storyline, go here.

DC Comics' solicitation is here.

And finally: Two or three times a month, I send out an e-mail newsletter with news of current and upcoming projects -- similar to the above, but more detailed. If you'd like to sign up, just send me an email at stuartcomics@mindspring.com . I promise no spamming, no giving your address away, and no emails in the middle of the night saying, "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID."

"We're So Choked Up, We Can Barely Advertise Our Scratch N' Win Game!"

9/11 For Surrealists

Sign Of The Times

Boston Globe:

Welcome to the "Flat Daddy" and "Flat Mommy" phenomenon, in which life-size cutouts of deployed service members are given by the Maine National Guard to spouses, children, and relatives back home.

The Flat Daddies ride in cars, sit at the dinner table, visit the dentist, and even are brought to confession, according to their significant others on the home front.

Via Slog

Children Of Cheney

Another shoot-em-up Republican fundraiser.
Previously.

Balls (Redux)

The front page of ABC's website has gone mysteriously dark on "The Path to 9/11" -- my browser shows a big blank square, right up at the top of the page, above a link labelled "Watch A Sneak Peek" that goes nowhere. But the creators' blog is still up! I haven't seen anyone link to this yet, but it's a gem; the entries grow more and more hysterical, beginning with CLARIFICATION ("This is not a documentary...This is not a right wing agenda movie...") and proceeding through FURTHER CLARAFICATION [sic] to EVEN FURTHER CLARIFICATION, which breaks down into a raving, paragraph-less mess. Just one excerpt:

"To make a movie of this size and budget requires many people to sign off on it. One person's "agenda" (if anyone should have one) is not enough to influence a movie to one's individual politics when a far broader creative and political consensus is an inherent part of the process. And the consensus that emerged over and over during development, production and post production is that we tried, as best we can, based on 9/11 Commission Report and numerous other sources and advisors, to present an accurate and honest account of the events leading to 9/11."

So no one had an agenda, and if anyone did, it would have been overwhelmed by the consensus, which is that we all did a great job. Done!

After this entry, dated September 2nd, the blog breaks off...presumably at the advice of lawyers and/or top corporate officers. But that didn't stop the comments . They were supposedly moderated (and seem to have also been shut off, a day or two ago)...but if these are the ones they let through, I can't imagine what they stopped:

"If ABC decides to show this propaganda, I will join a boycott of ABC and the sponsors."

"Just trust you, huh? Brain-dead Crapotainment like this is a perfect example of what's wrong with American television."

"If anything 'smells of agenda' it's your thinly-veiled propaganda film!"

The creators beg us to "watch the film" before judging. Now, let's pretend this isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card designed to boost ratings...the fact is that ABC provided advance copies to right-wing bloggers and commentators, and no one else. Among the slighted: a former President of the United States whose reputation may be damaged by the lies in the film, and who is very publicly considering legal action.

ABC/Disney is in a very, very bad spot over this. If they pull the film, they'll piss off Congressional Republicans, who've done them a lot of favors in the past. If they don't, they'll piss off Congressional Democrats...who may very well take control of the House this fall. And they're open to lawsuits on a number of fronts.

I'm actually heartened by the whole thing. Even if this airs -- in violation of all ethics, taste, and legal sense -- it'll make the networks very, very skittish about being Karl Rove's tools during the rest of the election season.

- Streaky the Super-Cat appears by special request of SuperFrankenstein himself. -

Book Excerpt

The one more or less behind Le Chiffre's right arm was tall and funereal in his dinner-jacket. His face was wooden and grey, but his eyes flickered and gleamed like a conjurer's. His whole long body was restless and his hands shifted often on the brass rail. Bond guessed that he would kill without interest or concern for what he killed and that he would prefer strangling. He had something of Lennie in Of Mice and Men, but his inhumanity would not come from infantilism but from drugs. Marihuana, decided Bond.

Casino Royale
Ian Fleming

Balls

It's nice to see the left wing respond with some balls for a change -- of course, it helps when Bill Clinton comes out swinging, which isn't often. I'm referring to the controversy over THE PATH TO 9/11, ABC-TV's five-hour, commercial-free ad for the Republican party, commemmorating a national tragedy.

ABC/Disney is still planning to air this film, which includes wholly fabricated scenes designed to blame 9/11 on the Clinton administration. I'm not usually much of an e-mail activist, but this is a really important cause, and ABC's clearly sweating. You can make your feelings known here and/or here .

Special credit to Scholastic, which quickly pulled its affiliated lesson plan from its website and replaced it with this note from the chairman, linking to a new lesson plan that encourages teachers to discuss with their students the reasons for the controversy. And thanks to PW Daily for the heads-up on that.

I promise my next post will be about Wonder Girl or Streaky the Super-Cat or something...

News From Home

The boy said Thomas came up to him outside the pizzeria and told him, “Give me your money or I will shoot you with my gun.”

Man accused of stealing $4 from child
The Post-Standard, Syracuse, NY

Candy Scabs

From the sales pitch:

SO NASTY! You know you want to lick that puss spot.... don't deny it.... and now you can.... with Candy Scabs!

Ordering info • More pix • Via Boing Boing

Also at Boing Boing: An invitation from a South Carolina Republican candidate to a fundraiser on September 11th. The event? A fuckin' "Dove Shoot!"

Bush Admits To Secret CIA Prisons

Link

Values

I was going to do a piece about ABC's upcoming "docudrama" THE PATH TO 9/11, which is made by right-wing nuts and fabricates scenes in order to blame the entire attack on the Clinton administration. ABC has announced they're running the thing commercial-free and has launched a huge, unprecedented campaign to get it taught in schools; they've also sent out advance copies to right-wing bloggers but experienced mysterious administrative problems in distributing copies to lefties. Oh, and it's being billed as "based on the 9/11 Commission Report" -- which it's not. This is Stalinism in a purer form than I've ever seen in the U.S.: a corrupt administration using the public airways on a massive scale to propagate lies about a national tragedy, and maintain its power. Digby has many, many sad details and links here: keep scrolling down.

I was going to write about that. But it's been a little too depressing here at Monster Force HQ lately. So instead, go here and see Ricky Gervais reprise David Brent, his character from THE OFFICE, in a pair of films he and Stephen Merchant made, astonishingly, for Microsoft UK, on the subject of "Values." You may think you know David Brent, but you don't really understand his soul until you hear him explain why Nelson Mandela is his personal hero.

It Just Don't Seem Like Christmas

CNN Poll:

A majority of Americans surveyed -- and a higher percentage than recorded during the same time last year -- said things in the United States are going "badly." Among this year's respondents, 29 percent said "pretty badly" and 25 percent -- up from 15 percent a month ago -- answered "very badly."

Warning: Bees

God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the movie ministry that fights indecency by describing it until you have to squirt or die--published its objections to The Wicker Man. My favorite:

nude woman with gender-specifics covered with bees

In the world of The Hot Parts Guy, this is a sin.

No Country

“All the time you spend tryin to get back what's been took from you there's more goin out the door.”
-Cormac McCarthy, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

I’ve tried to read Cormac McCarthy before; a lot of friends have recommended him, including our own Jamie Delano (hey, Jamie). I always found him very cold -- McCarthy, not Jamie -- full of beautiful imagery but somehow uninvolving. I got a hundred pages into BLOOD MERIDIAN before giving up…and yet, ten years later, I can still remember some of the book’s striking, surreal visuals.

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN isn’t what it seems. On the surface, it’s a police procedural that follows various criminals, lawmen, and bystanders around Texas and Mexico as they stumble into deeper and deeper shit. Along the way, you can learn such useful things as how to set a car on fire with a makeshift time-delay fuse, giving yourself time enough to casually stroll out of range.

But the crime elements ultimately lead around in circles, in service of a series of sad, fascinating existential questions. I don’t agree with Sheriff Ed Tom Bell’s view of the modern world, which may or may not reflect McCarthy’s own…but I found his ruminations and reactions, as well as those of the minor characters, utterly engrossing.

It’s possible to imagine a film adaptation of NO COUNTRY that adapts three-fourths of the book faithfully, word for word, and yet completely misses the point. You can hear the studio meeting: Shouldn’t the crimes be solved? Shouldn’t the audience get some satisfaction? Shouldn’t all the violence be for something?

I have a feeling I was trying to read McCarthy in small chunks before, while commuting. That doesn’t work. His writing requires more of a commitment. I’m glad I had the time, this time.

It's Spreading

Another pin violates the map as Jamie Delano internationalizes--no, intercontinentalizes--no, interhemispheralizes--our proud ranks. I'd ask you to be nice to him, but it's Jamie, so instead I'll pray he's kind to you.

While the internet rages with rumors that Paramount is planning to update the CGI on episodes of the original STAR TREK, you can still get the old-school effect by propping up a copy of STAR TREK: CONSTELLATIONS in front of a 12" black-and-white TV and banging the table to simulate bad reception.

This new anthology celebrates forty years of the original series with all-new prose stories plus a comics piece from Tokyopop's STAR TREK manga volume. My own contribution, "Chaotic Response," is a Kirk/Spock/McCoy story like they usedta, with one twist: I may be wrong about this, but I believe it's the first Spock story to ever incorporate actual logic theory into the plot. I was initially hampered by the fact that there's a big gaping hole in my brain labelled "logic theory." But where Kirk and Spock had the giant research planet Memory Alpha, I have Wikipedia and the New York Public Library. So it's all good (I hope).

F.O.M.F. (Friend of Monster Force) Bob Greenberger also has a story in CONSTELLATIONS. On his blog, Bob reports that the book has already gone back to press before publication. That makes us winners. You want to hang with winners, don't you?

STAR TREK: CONSTELLATIONS will be released next week.