Sunday, December 30, 2007

Great Events Seen Through The Lives Of Two Very Special People

Over at A.H.O.Y., someone (not me) prepared this brilliant timeline of that pivotal year 2003. If you haven't voted, this week, go!

* * *

Jan. 28: In State of the Union address, George W. Bush says Saddam Hussein recently tried to buy uranium from Africa for nuclear bombs.

Feb. 4: Fox News host Bill O’Reilly tells Jeremy Glick, anti-war son of a 9/11 victim, his dead dad would be ashamed of him. Interview ends with O’Reilly shouting, “Shut up. Shut up…Cut his mic. I’m not going to dress you down anymore, out of respect for your father.”

Feb. 5: U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell tells United Nations that Saddam has links to al-Qaeda and weapons of mass destruction.

Feb. 10: O'Reilly guarantees victory in Iraq. "Once the United States and Britain unleash, it's maybe hours."

Feb. 15: Millions march worldwide against war.

Feb. 26: O’Reilly tells peace movement: “Once the war against Saddam begins, we expect every American to support our military, and if they can't do that, to shut up… Just fair warning to you, Barbra Streisand."

March 9: In bar, O’Reilly allegedly tells associate producer Andrea Mackris and college friend, “Boy, I would have had fun with you two!” and suggests a three-way.

March 17: Bush gives Saddam 48 hours to resign or face U.S. invasion.

March 18: O’Reilly tells Good Morning America: “If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it’s clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush administration again.”

March 19: U.S. launches predawn “decapitation” air strikes on Saddam’s palaces.

March 21: Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh says, "I'm not messing with people who want to say this attack is illegal, it's not warranted, it's not justified…. Take your propaganda to somebody else."

March 24: Limbaugh buys 60 tablets of Norco, an addictive painkiller, from one of his four prescription-writing doctors.

March 28: Limbaugh says, “Even I thought it would take the mainstream media more than a week to attempt to undermine the war effort. I didn't think it would happen this soon.''

April 2: Army forces rescue Pfc. Jessica Lynch from hospital in Nasiriya. Story appears on covers of Time and Newsweek.

April 7: Limbaugh says, "We're discovering WMDs all over Iraq… Our troops have found dozens of barrels of chemicals in an agricultural facility 30 miles northwest of Baghdad."

April 9: U.S. forces take Baghdad. Crowd topples statute of Saddam. Looters pillage National Museum of Iraq.

April 15: Limbaugh buys 84 Norco tablets.

April 22: O’Reilly, citing continued WMD search, gives himself an extension on his national apology: “A month from today, we’ll do this story again.”

April 23: Limbaugh says report shows Iraq disposed of weapons before invasion: “What it means is, that Saddam or his agents knew in advance where the UN was going.”

April 24: Limbaugh buys 180 Norco tablets.

May 1: Limbaugh buys 90 tablets of OxyContin, a highly addictive painkiller.

May 1: On aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, Bush calls Iraq a success. Banner says, “Mission Accomplished.”

May 15: Limbaugh buys 96 Norco tablets.

May 27: Limbaugh buys 50 anti-anxiety Xanax tablets and 64 Norco tablets.

Sometime in May: Over dinner, O’Reilly allegedly propositions Mackris and friend, tells of wild Scandinavian airline hostesses and a Thai sex show “girl” who showed him things in a back room that “blew (his) mind;” he also suggests a three-way and asks for phone sex.

May 31: O’Reilly clashes with comic Al Franken at book expo, yelling, “Shut up! You had your 35 minutes! Shut up!”

June 2: Limbaugh buys 30 tablets of Lorcet, a painkiller similar to Norco.

June 3: Limbaugh buys 240 Norco tablets.

June 10: Limbaugh buys 30 tablets of Lorcet.

June 16: Limbaugh buys 21 tablets of Clonidine, an agent often used to counter effects of stimulants.

June 18: Limbaugh buys 100 Norco tablets.

June 19: Limbaugh tells listeners Simon & Schuster is lying about runaway sales of Hillary Clinton’s book, “Living History” because publisher is run by liberals.

June 26: International Atomic Energy Agency says Iraq had no active nuclear program.

June 27: Limbaugh buys 30 Clonidine and 40 Lorcet tablets.

June 30: Limbaugh buys 100 Norco tablets.

July 6: Former ambassador Joseph Wilson says Iraq did not try to buy uranium from Niger, as Bush claimed in State of the Union address.

July 8: Limbaugh buys 88 Norco tablets.

July 7: White House concedes mistake in Bush’s State of the Union speech.

July 10: Sales of Hillary Clinton's book surpass 1 million copies.

July 14: Columnist Robert Novak writes that Valerie Plame, wife of Joseph Wilson, is a CIA operative, effectively ending her career.

July 14: Limbaugh says he’s joining ESPN’s Sunday Night Football. Also, he buys 30 Clonidine tablets.

July 22: Saddam’s sons, Uday and Qusay, killed in Mosul palace firefight. To prove their deaths, Pentagon releases photographs of corpses’ faces.

July 30:. Bush, admitting mistake in State of the Union speech, says, “I take personal responsibility for everything I say, absolutely.”

July 31: National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice says she takes “personal responsibility” for mistake in Bush’s speech.

Aug. 6: Limbaugh buys 40 Hydrocodone tablets.

Aug. 11: Limbaugh buys 60 Norco tablets.

Aug. 18: Limbaugh buys 60 Norco tablets.

Aug. 29: Limbaugh buys 240 tablets of Hydrocodone, a highly addictive painkiller.

Sept. 7: Bush asks Congress for $87 billion to fund the Iraq war.

Sept. 8: Limbaugh tells listeners the World Tribune, “one of the papers in the United Kingdom,” says Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction have been found in Lebanon. The World Tribune turns out to be a web site based in Falls Church, Virginia, which offers special reports on UFOs.

Sept. 15: Limbaugh buys 36 Clonidine tablets.

In September: Over dinner, O’Reilly allegedly begs Mackris for phone sex.

Sept. 24: O’Reilly asks Condoleezza Rice if he should apologize to the country because no WMD has been found in Iraq. She says, “No, Bill, you don't have to apologize,” and notes that U.S. inspector David Kay is still searching.

Sept. 26: Limbaugh buys 120 Hydocodone tablets and 30 tablets of Kadian, an addictive painkiller.

Sept. 28: On ESPN, Limbaugh says the liberal media goes easy on Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb because he is black.

Oct. 2: U.S. chief weapons inspector David Kay says there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Oct. 1: Limbaugh resigns from ESPN due to controversy over McNabb comments.

Oct. 2: The National Enquirer reports Limbaugh is target of prescription drug probe.

Oct. 5: White House insists that neither Presidential advisor Karl Rove, nor Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis Libby, leaked Plame’s name.

Oct. 6: Bush calls Plame leak ''a criminal action'' and vows to find the source.

Oct. 8: O’Reilly storms off National Public Radio’s “Fresh Air” because interviewer Terry Gross doesn’t stick to discussing his new book, “Who’s Looking Out for You?”

Oct. 10: Limbaugh tells listeners he’s hooked on painkillers and is going into rehab.

Nov. 17: Out of rehab, Limbaugh returns to radio show.

Nov. 25: Limbaugh’s office searched in “doctor shopping” drug probe.

Dec. 13: U.S. troops capture Saddam outside Tikrit. Bush tells country, “A dark and painful era is over.”

Mid-December: Over dinner, O’Reilly allegedly brags to Mackris that he’s had phone sex with other women. He asks her for phone sex.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


My Mutual No. 1 MySpace Friend Ziggy-With-A-Hat has asked friends and friends of friends to repost his beautiful new Christmas poem. So, without further delay:

CHRISTMAS DREAMS by ziggy-with-a-hat (please re-post!!)

christmas dreams: keep them in your heart!

christmas kisses: save them for under the mistletoe!

christmas trees: decorate tehm in the silence of a chilly night!

christmas hot cocoa: drink it in the company of freinds!

christmas lollypops: suck them first thing christmas morning!

christmas presents: open them happily!

christmas songs: sing them with a vengence!

christmas specials: watch them on TV!

christmas cake: eat every last bite!

christmas jesus: worship him with open arms!


(please re-post!)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Bits Of Beer-n-Meat Business

ITEM! Surely you've seen the deeply pants-moving Dark Knight trailer by now! So go watch it again!

ITEM! Hey! Want to watch a quick, funny video about what an incredible genius I Am Legend creator Richard Matheson is? Because he is. Besides I Am Legend, he wrote The Incredible Shrinking Man, some great Twilight Zones, and... well, go see and be stunned! It's in Kevin Maher's hee-larious video section of's science fiction blog! WARNING: Contents will make you 15% nerdier!

ITEM! Lots to do? Tough! Because you're not going to get any of it done! Instead, you'll be over at Classic Television Showbiz, taking a shame bath as you squander hours watching delicious crap such as:


So I'm working on a multi-part story for The Flash, "Fast Money," with artist Freddie E. Williams II. The first issue, #238, goes on sale March 19. You can order it now through your funnybook store. Or wait 'til it comes out; I'll remind you.

Here's Freddie's cover:

I hate to be the one to have to say it, but the guy who's scaring The Flash is really mean.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wednesday, December 05, 2007


Vote for the A.H.O.Y. -- AssHole Of the Year! This year it's easy, fast, fun, and web-based. Bonus: no paper trail!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


Seely & Rumsfeld together again!
[Washington Post]