Friday, March 31, 2006

The House Of Representatives That Jack Built

These are the men
That fleeced the tribes
That paid the money
That made the bribes
That purchased the Congress that
Jack built.
Jack's House, a New York Times Op-Ed by Hart Seely.

This Weekend: Complain To My Face

year4artworkI mean, join me at the 4th Annual Emerald City ComiCon!

• Meet fellow Peyermaniacs!

• Join in riotous singalongs!

• Make anagrams of my name!
(EXAMPLE: Mr. Peyote!)

PLUS: I will personally autograph copies of Spider-Man: House Of M for those who first attend a brief real estate presentation!

Saturday 10-6 and Sunday 10-5 at Qwest Field Event Center, Seattle!

Benefit For Doctors Without Borders

Doctors Without Borders at Wikipedia
Cookbook Info
Table of Contents

L to R: Corr, Corr, Bush, Corr, Corr


Thursday, March 30, 2006

Hey, spysmasher

We're famous.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Politics Can Make Some People Into Strange Bedfellows All By Themselves

This is a detail of a bedside photo posted by someone at a right wing message board.

All I can say: if I got to pick the Vice President all by myself (Michael Moore or Fidel Castro), I wouldn't want to wake up to pictures.

Is this... unique? Or does a subculture exist of Cheney fans who regard him as an older, more businesslike Clay Aiken? Can you shed some light, spysmasher?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The All-Time Greatest Letter To The Editor

From today's Post-Standard (Syracuse, NY):

Kerry campaign disrupted early success in Iraq

To the Editor:

As I look at the political hate cartoons (March 25), one reminds me that the Iraqis were throwing flowers at our troops, dancing in the streets and pulling down statues of Saddam until J.F. Kerry started campaigning, calling Bush a liar, telling the world that this was the wrong war in the wrong place at the wrong time; the "W" War.

I believe if it had not been for the benevolent J.F. Kerry, we would have been out two long years and 2,000 deaths ago.

Stephen Mizgala

Mexico (NY)

Friday, March 24, 2006

The Items Listed Below Are Required For Vice President Cheney's Downtime Suite. Contact The Advance Office, 202-456-9006, With Any Questions.

Vice_presidential_sealFour (4) cans Diet Caffeine Free Sprite with bubbles stirred out.

72-oz. steak (no charge if The Vice President finishes it).

Wall of TVs tuned to FOX News.

Monaural phonograph; vinyl recording of latest Paul Harvey broadcast.

Bed of money.

Undisclosed bathroom.

Throne. Orb. Scepter.

One (1) barrel of light sweet crude.

One (1) fist-sized rock of Green Kryptonite.

Thermostat set to 98.6 degrees, all windows open.

Magazines: Oil Fancy, Authority Today, Spin.

One (1) beer with lunch; assortment of bullets, shells and shot.

Ambulance with full EMT staff (three shifts).

Four (4) maximum doses of every prescription drug currently manufactured.

Morphine drip.

Solid gold urinal.

Precautionary evacuation of one (1) nearby hospital.

Food taster (blindfolded, or blind).

No mirrors.

The Maltese Falcon.

Go fuck yourself.

Balcony from which The Vice President can gaze down at America.

Transcripts of all telephone calls going into and out of Hotel.

Transfer of all Hotel service contracts to Kellogg Brown & Root.

One (1) zany, bumbling Hotel Employee to repeatedly enrage the Vice President. After several increasingly hilarious encounters, the Employee is to deliver a heartbreaking speech about his good intentions, giving the Vice President a chance to show that he's secretly just an old softie. (Warning: this does not mean The Vice President will tolerate the antics of escaped chimpanzees.)

Cone of Silence.

One hooded quail on a box, electrical wires attached to its talons.

If wife is present: Nothing extra. She'll be fine.

If wife is absent: Angie Dickinson.

If the Hotel would like to put a gift in the suite, that would be a very good idea. The Vice President and his wife are registered at General Dynamics.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


meat_coming_upDetail from the cover of Superboy #36, October 1954.

Happy Birthday Mark Waid


Join The Justice League For $35!


Annual membership dues are $35.

It will only take 15,000 members to provide The Justice League of Ohio with
Oh. The Justice League Ohio.


[Via Dan Raspler]

Quote Of The Week

Nobody likes beheadings.
President George W. Bush

Friday, March 17, 2006

Slobo: I'm Not Dead

yugoslavia-milosevic"Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

That famous quote is from renowned author Mark Twain, answering reports that he'd kicked the bucket.

Former Yugoslavian president Solobodan Milosevic has found himself in a situation similar to Twain's.

He is laughing off a fake report that said he'd died in a freak paragliding accident.

A hoax press release, announcing the war criminal's death in an accident in California, was posted on website iNewswire on Tuesday.

Milosevic's publicist was quick to reassure friends, family and fans that Slobodan is very much alive and well.

Matthew Labov said: "Not much to say other than we heard and read about it this morning and reacted accordingly.

"There was no point in trying to track (the source) down as it was obviously a hoax."

The owner of the paragliding company who was mentioned in Molosevic's death story, Josh Meyers, said: "I have no knowledge of Slobodan Milosevic paragliding."

We're pleased to hear that these reports are very greatly exaggerated indeed!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Condi: Born-Again Virgin

Condi_Hot_DogShe's the original It Girl, well known for living the high life in the past...

But when it comes to sex, US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice isn't exactly heading down the road of excess.

In fact, she says she's a born again virgin since her sudden move from National Security Adviser to chief foreign policy honcho last year.

The 51-year-old told Human Events magazine: "I feel like a virgin again! I went to Rome for the Pope's funeral and it was so romantic, I decided I simply couldn't leave without a kiss...

"I finally got one at 6:30 AM with an Italian Stallion. That kiss had to last me all year!"

And being a singleton doesn't seem to be something that's causing Condi too much worry. "I like being alone in my ivory tower,' she said, "I love staying in and watching TV with a pizza.

"If I ended up single, I honestly wouldn't mind. I'm not getting any younger, but I don't stress about it."

Referring to her drug problems of the past she reflected: "One of the key things they tell your in rehab is to live in the moment. I certainly won't be getting my eggs frozen!"

Good for you Madame Sec'y... or should that be Madame Sexy?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Mike's Nude Switch

wallacemar15It wasn't quite a year ago when Mike Wallace stated that he would never take his clothes off onscreen.

But never say never.

The 87-year-old news star has now changed his mind.

"I'm OK with being topless in front of people," he recently told the New York Daily News.

Then he remembered his previous coyness: "But I'm not sure if I'd want to do it onscreen.

"If it's a story that's going to win me a Peabody, it would be different," he then said, in stark contrast to his thoughts of last year.

In June 2005, the 60 Minutes star revealed: "You will never see me in a nude scene.

"I don't think that's what's needed to win a Peabody for me.

"Personally, I think there are other things you can do to give people the news."

Does his change of mind come after he accidentally revealed his right nipple at an event last week?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Monday, March 13, 2006

'Chef' Quits South Park...

...Over religion! Or Scientology! Or something!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Quote Of The Week

He's a piece of shit. And you can quote me on that.
Pitcher David Wells, on Commissioner Bud Selig.

Friday, March 10, 2006


New poll. Over there. In the sidebar. Under the bread and jelly flag. VOTE!

The News Explained With Comic Book Covers: Baseball Edition

Barry Bonds rejoins Giants


Canada Beats USA


Roger Clemens Might Retire


Covers: The Grand Comic Book Database.

I explain the news with comic book covers nearly every week, here and at Pulse.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Get A Job, You Smelly Hippie

oreillymar7The Smoking Gun, God bless them, found a shot of "NEWSWATCH 16 Action Consumer trouble shooter" Bill O'Reilly '75.

[Via TV Newser]

Yanni Get Angry

New Age musician Yanni charged with domestic battery

Monday, March 06, 2006

Piss Christ 2

"This one's for you, Walt," the artist quipped late one night as he urinated on a Winnie the Pooh figure, said Terry Sheppard, a former vice president for Kinkade's company, in an interview.
The Los Angeles Times investigates Christian painting superstar Thomas Kinkade:
In litigation and interviews with the Los Angeles Times, some former gallery owners depict Kinkade, 48, as a ruthless businessman who drove them to financial ruin at the same time he was fattening his business associates' bank accounts and feathering his nest with tens of millions of dollars.
In sworn testimony and interviews, they recount incidents in which an allegedly drunken Kinkade heckled illusionists Siegfried & Roy in Las Vegas, cursed a former employee's wife who came to his aid when he fell off a barstool, and palmed a startled woman's breasts at a signing party in South Bend, Ind.
"He had been falling down, and he fell off the stool, and he was laying on the ground and just looked up at her and flipped her the bird and told her, you know, just to 'F you' several times," Dandois testified.
"He approached [her] and he palmed her breasts and he said, 'These are great tits!'"
"But you've got to remember," [Kinkaid] said, "I'm the idol to these women who are there. They sell my work every day, you know. They're enamored with any attention I would give them. I don't know what kind of flirting they were trying to do with me. I don't recall what was going on that night."
You can see his work here.

[Via Metafilter]

My Oscar® Predictions

Director: David Cronenberg, Crash

Actor: Dick Cheney, A History Of Violence

Supporting Actor: Matt Dillon, Gunsmoke

Supporting Actress: Nancy Grace, Hustle And Flow

Best Picture:

My Oscar® Predictions

I'll post them soon.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Quote Of The Week

When you call us, ladies and gentleman, just so you know, we do have your phone number, and if you say anything untoward, obscene, or anything like that, Fox security then will contact your local authorities, and you will be held accountable.
Bill O'Reilly, on his call-in radio show.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


David Gregory wasn't drunk; Perry White has an alibi; Nancy Grace is still a liar!

Drunk Off His Ass

davidgregoryDaily Planet editor-in-chief Perry White was arrested Thursday at a suburban Metropolis Chuck E. Cheese and charged with public lewdness and 16 counts of endangering a child. Superman, who took the news veteran into custody, told prosecutors that White was "drunk off his ass."

Fodder Too Fat For Cannon

Surgeon General Richard Carmona says terrorism isn't as scary as obesity, which he calls The Terror Within:

"Where will our soldiers and sailors and airmen come from?" he said. "Where will our policemen and firemen come from if the youngsters today are on a trajectory that says they will be obese, laden with cardiovascular disease, increased cancers and a host of other diseases when they reach adulthood?"

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

America's Next Top Liar

Every crime-fighting superhero has a creation story. Nancy Grace, the prosecutor turned breakout star at CNN Headline News, has a particularly moving one... [but] much of it isn't true.
The James Frey scandal is dead! Long live the Nancy Grace disgrace! Here's a short summary of the New York Observer's scoop on the Pundit of Punishment!

Work In Progress: A Depressing Alternative Comic Made Of Old Batman Panels