The House Of Representatives That Jack Built
These are the menJack's House, a New York Times Op-Ed by Hart Seely.
That fleeced the tribes
That paid the money
That made the bribes
That purchased the Congress that
Jack built.
Friday, March 31, 2006
This Weekend: Complain To My Face
• Meet fellow Peyermaniacs!
• Join in riotous singalongs!
• Make anagrams of my name!
(EXAMPLE: Mr. Peyote!)
PLUS: I will personally autograph copies of Spider-Man: House Of M for those who first attend a brief real estate presentation!
Saturday 10-6 and Sunday 10-5 at Qwest Field Event Center, Seattle!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Politics Can Make Some People Into Strange Bedfellows All By Themselves
This is a detail of a bedside photo posted by someone at a right wing message board.
All I can say: if I got to pick the Vice President all by myself (Michael Moore or Fidel Castro), I wouldn't want to wake up to pictures.
Is this... unique? Or does a subculture exist of Cheney fans who regard him as an older, more businesslike Clay Aiken? Can you shed some light, spysmasher?
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The All-Time Greatest Letter To The Editor
From today's Post-Standard (Syracuse, NY):
Kerry campaign disrupted early success in Iraq
To the Editor:
As I look at the political hate cartoons (March 25), one reminds me that the Iraqis were throwing flowers at our troops, dancing in the streets and pulling down statues of Saddam until J.F. Kerry started campaigning, calling Bush a liar, telling the world that this was the wrong war in the wrong place at the wrong time; the "W" War.
I believe if it had not been for the benevolent J.F. Kerry, we would have been out two long years and 2,000 deaths ago.
Stephen Mizgala
Mexico (NY)
Monday, March 27, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
The Items Listed Below Are Required For Vice President Cheney's Downtime Suite. Contact The Advance Office, 202-456-9006, With Any Questions.
72-oz. steak (no charge if The Vice President finishes it).
Wall of TVs tuned to FOX News.
Monaural phonograph; vinyl recording of latest Paul Harvey broadcast.
Bed of money.
Undisclosed bathroom.
Throne. Orb. Scepter.
One (1) barrel of light sweet crude.
One (1) fist-sized rock of Green Kryptonite.
Thermostat set to 98.6 degrees, all windows open.
Magazines: Oil Fancy, Authority Today, Spin.
One (1) beer with lunch; assortment of bullets, shells and shot.
Ambulance with full EMT staff (three shifts).
Four (4) maximum doses of every prescription drug currently manufactured.
Morphine drip.
Solid gold urinal.
Precautionary evacuation of one (1) nearby hospital.
Food taster (blindfolded, or blind).
No mirrors.
The Maltese Falcon.
Go fuck yourself.
Balcony from which The Vice President can gaze down at America.
Transcripts of all telephone calls going into and out of Hotel.
Transfer of all Hotel service contracts to Kellogg Brown & Root.
One (1) zany, bumbling Hotel Employee to repeatedly enrage the Vice President. After several increasingly hilarious encounters, the Employee is to deliver a heartbreaking speech about his good intentions, giving the Vice President a chance to show that he's secretly just an old softie. (Warning: this does not mean The Vice President will tolerate the antics of escaped chimpanzees.)
Cone of Silence.
One hooded quail on a box, electrical wires attached to its talons.
If wife is present: Nothing extra. She'll be fine.
If wife is absent: Angie Dickinson.
If the Hotel would like to put a gift in the suite, that would be a very good idea. The Vice President and his wife are registered at General Dynamics.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Detail from the cover of 
Join The Justice League For $35!
Annual membership dues are $35.Oh. The Justice League Ohio.
It will only take 15,000 members to provide The Justice League of Ohio with
Shit.
[Via Dan Raspler]
Monday, March 20, 2006
Friday, March 17, 2006
Slobo: I'm Not Dead
That famous quote is from renowned author Mark Twain, answering reports that he'd kicked the bucket.
Former Yugoslavian president Solobodan Milosevic has found himself in a situation similar to Twain's.
He is laughing off a fake report that said he'd died in a freak paragliding accident.
A hoax press release, announcing the war criminal's death in an accident in California, was posted on website iNewswire on Tuesday.
Milosevic's publicist was quick to reassure friends, family and fans that Slobodan is very much alive and well.
Matthew Labov said: "Not much to say other than we heard and read about it this morning and reacted accordingly.
"There was no point in trying to track (the source) down as it was obviously a hoax."
The owner of the paragliding company who was mentioned in Molosevic's death story, Josh Meyers, said: "I have no knowledge of Slobodan Milosevic paragliding."
We're pleased to hear that these reports are very greatly exaggerated indeed!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Condi: Born-Again Virgin
But when it comes to sex, US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice isn't exactly heading down the road of excess.
In fact, she says she's a born again virgin since her sudden move from National Security Adviser to chief foreign policy honcho last year.
The 51-year-old told Human Events magazine: "I feel like a virgin again! I went to Rome for the Pope's funeral and it was so romantic, I decided I simply couldn't leave without a kiss...
"I finally got one at 6:30 AM with an Italian Stallion. That kiss had to last me all year!"
And being a singleton doesn't seem to be something that's causing Condi too much worry. "I like being alone in my ivory tower,' she said, "I love staying in and watching TV with a pizza.
"If I ended up single, I honestly wouldn't mind. I'm not getting any younger, but I don't stress about it."
Referring to her drug problems of the past she reflected: "One of the key things they tell your in rehab is to live in the moment. I certainly won't be getting my eggs frozen!"
Good for you Madame Sec'y... or should that be Madame Sexy?
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Mike's Nude Switch
But never say never.
The 87-year-old news star has now changed his mind.
"I'm OK with being topless in front of people," he recently told the New York Daily News.
Then he remembered his previous coyness: "But I'm not sure if I'd want to do it onscreen.
"If it's a story that's going to win me a Peabody, it would be different," he then said, in stark contrast to his thoughts of last year.
In June 2005, the 60 Minutes star revealed: "You will never see me in a nude scene.
"I don't think that's what's needed to win a Peabody for me.
"Personally, I think there are other things you can do to give people the news."
Does his change of mind come after he accidentally revealed his right nipple at an event last week?
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Quote Of The Week
He's a piece of shit. And you can quote me on that.Pitcher David Wells, on Commissioner Bud Selig.
Story
Friday, March 10, 2006
The News Explained With Comic Book Covers: Baseball Edition
Barry Bonds rejoins Giants
***
Canada Beats USA
***
Roger Clemens Might Retire
__________
Covers: The Grand Comic Book Database.
I explain the news with comic book covers nearly every week, here and at Pulse.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Get A Job, You Smelly Hippie
[Via TV Newser]
Monday, March 06, 2006
Piss Christ 2
"This one's for you, Walt," the artist quipped late one night as he urinated on a Winnie the Pooh figure, said Terry Sheppard, a former vice president for Kinkade's company, in an interview.The Los Angeles Times investigates Christian painting superstar Thomas Kinkade:
In litigation and interviews with the Los Angeles Times, some former gallery owners depict Kinkade, 48, as a ruthless businessman who drove them to financial ruin at the same time he was fattening his business associates' bank accounts and feathering his nest with tens of millions of dollars.
In sworn testimony and interviews, they recount incidents in which an allegedly drunken Kinkade heckled illusionists Siegfried & Roy in Las Vegas, cursed a former employee's wife who came to his aid when he fell off a barstool, and palmed a startled woman's breasts at a signing party in South Bend, Ind.
"He had been falling down, and he fell off the stool, and he was laying on the ground and just looked up at her and flipped her the bird and told her, you know, just to 'F you' several times," Dandois testified.
"He approached [her] and he palmed her breasts and he said, 'These are great tits!'"
"But you've got to remember," [Kinkaid] said, "I'm the idol to these women who are there. They sell my work every day, you know. They're enamored with any attention I would give them. I don't know what kind of flirting they were trying to do with me. I don't recall what was going on that night."You can see his work here.
[Via Metafilter]
My Oscar® Predictions
Director: David Cronenberg, Crash
Actor: Dick Cheney, A History Of Violence
Supporting Actor: Matt Dillon, Gunsmoke
Supporting Actress: Nancy Grace, Hustle And Flow
Best Picture:
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Quote Of The Week
When you call us, ladies and gentleman, just so you know, we do have your phone number, and if you say anything untoward, obscene, or anything like that, Fox security then will contact your local authorities, and you will be held accountable.Bill O'Reilly, on his call-in radio show.
Friday, March 03, 2006
The News Explained With Comic Book Covers
Pearl Jam To Release New Album
***
Disgraced Former FEMA Head Says Administration Made Him A Scapegoat
***
Army To Pay Halliburton More Than $250 Million In 'Excessive' Or 'Unjustified' Iraq Costs
***
1 American In 3 Still Supports Iraq War
__________
Covers: The Grand Comic Book Database.
I explain the news with comic book covers nearly every week, here and at Pulse.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Drunk Off His Ass
Fodder Too Fat For Cannon
Surgeon General Richard Carmona says terrorism isn't as scary as obesity, which he calls The Terror Within:"Where will our soldiers and sailors and airmen come from?" he said. "Where will our policemen and firemen come from if the youngsters today are on a trajectory that says they will be obese, laden with cardiovascular disease, increased cancers and a host of other diseases when they reach adulthood?"
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
America's Next Top Liar
Every crime-fighting superhero has a creation story. Nancy Grace, the prosecutor turned breakout star at CNN Headline News, has a particularly moving one... [but] much of it isn't true.
The James Frey scandal is dead! Long live the Nancy Grace disgrace! Here's a short summary of the New York Observer's scoop on the Pundit of Punishment!
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