Saturday, December 31, 2005

Baseball with over 19,100 coats of paint, via Slog!

Happy New Year, and don't forget to vote in the A.H.O.Y.!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Torture Is So 2005

Chicago Tribune: Pentagon Stalls on Banning Contractors From Using Forced Labor! [Via MetaFilter]

The gist: lobbyists are blocking a zero tolerance policy on slavery because the Halliburtons and DynCorps don't think they should be held responsible for the behavior of their subcontractors.

Which is just as well, according to some human-trafficking experts who say the policy as written would help violators escape punishment.

Today's Yankee Doodle American Eagle Rootin' Tootin' Word Of The Day:


2005 In Review:

Star Wars Is Satan's ToolThe Marvel Team-Up I Never Wanted To SeeDeeply dark, vulgar, sinister and ugly cinematic cyanide: Fundamentalist Reviews Frank Miller's Sin CityPrice Is Right Links"Simon allowed Seacrest to undress him, enjoying the intensity on the man's face as he looked over every inch of his body..." American Idol Slash Fiction • Liberals & Terrorists Team Up To Fight The Super-Hero American PatriotGallery Of Vandalized Britney PostersHuman Corpses Built From Poultry Meat And Posed In Wrecked CarsThe Race Is Over Checkered Flag Casket ($2495.00) • Support Our Ribbons' Ribbon Maker • Ricky Then And NowList Of Batman Special Guest Villains Who Are Still Alive!

Insane 1940s ad for War Bonds: Suppose An Enemy Had Landed On Plymouth Rock... @ Lady, That's My Skull!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Dark Like Phoenix

bildeCaptain Jackson, a 'real life super-hero' from Jackson, Mich., was sentenced last week to six months' probation after a drunk driving arrest.


His site

Biz Mag:
'Impeach Bush!'


The members of the House Judiciary Committee who staged the impeachment of President Clinton ought to be as outraged at this situation. They ought to investigate it, consider it carefully and report either a bill that would change the wiretap laws to suit the president or a bill of impeachment.
The Barron's editorial

Saturday, December 24, 2005


Friday, December 23, 2005

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


...was the subject line on this e-mail I received today:


Santa Baby

Pope Benedict XVI, wearing the white fur-trimmed red bonnet known as a camauro reserved for Popes, arrives at the reception party after the Civil Partnership Ceremony to mark the legalized union of Sir Elton John and David Furnish at the rock star's mansion in Windsor England. (AP Photo/Alessandra Tarantino)


yankees_06[ESPN screenshot from the inconsolable Boston Dirt Dogs]

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Links to 2005 lists. You know, "Best Of" and shit.

Update: Now includes A.H.O.Y.! Thanks, Rex!

Plus: Big thanks to Incoming Signals, Information Overload, Reverend Gisher and the wily Fred Hembeck for plugging the annual unscientific unpopularity poll! Vote here!

2005 In Review:

A NASCAR First: Announcer Mispronounces 'Jesus'A-Bomb Flattens My HometownThe Church Of Satan's Online StoreColor Photos From World War ISweaters For GI JoesCandles That Smell Like JesusUS Torture Flights Linked To Red SoxThe List Of "Naughty" Words Not Allowed On Personalized Jerseys At The NFL ShopThe Fatal Consequences Of Excessive Masturbation • Stupid, stupid me: I put a couple of March items in the February entry. Since two wrongs make a right, here's another February: Actor Greg Evigan Will Call You Live For $19.95!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

"The cat puke is over here on the expensive oriental rug."

My Choices For Asshole Of The Year

I know there are worse, but to me nobody embodied 2005 like:

1. Michael Brown
2. Rick Cheney
3. Nancy Grace
4. Judith Miller
5. Jeff Gannon/Guckert
6. Rafael Palmeiro
7. Barbara Bush
8. William Bennett
9. Rep. Jean Schmidt
10. Harriet Miers

I think next year we should be allowed 15 names. The world has a greater number of famous assholes than it did when the poll began in 1974.

Now go vote.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Where Are They Now?

"Alf" star Max Wright caught on camera smoking crack and making porn!

[Via MetaChat]

Update: Turns out this is years old. Still good, though.

Notes From The Underpants

Athletes in underwear ads, 1977. "Courtesy" of Deadspin.

Don't let The War On Christmas happen without you! Vote in the new sidebar poll! -->>


House Renews Patriot Act


Katie Couric To Succeed Dan Rather?


US XBox 360 Sales Revealed


Pentagon Spying At Home


Former President Ford Returns To Work


Covers: Grand Comic Book Database

I explain the news with comic book covers every Thursday, right here and at The Pulse!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Early A.H.O.Y. Exit Polls

Deadline Passes For Iraq Hostage

aniston2_07102002_67394aBAGHDAD, Dec. 14 (UPI) -- The deadline for the execution of Jennifer Aniston has passed with no word on her fate.

A group calling itself the Swords of Justice threatened to execute Aniston, 36, on Tuesday unless all Iraqi prisoners were released. The group issued a video showing what appeared to be Aniston sunbathing topless at her Southern California estate.

Aniston was in Iraq to escape the media frenzy that has surrounded her since she split from ex-husband Brad Pitt in January.

Photo © 2004 Glenn Weiner

superFLAGenstein9/11 kitsch: I Was There (with Silent Night) (play it loud) and Osama And Jesus, parts of Remembering 9-11-01 at WFRN-FM!
[Via the "Worst Christmas Song" thread at PCL Linkdump!]

2005 In Review:

The Greatest Newspaper Correction In HistoryJenna Suffers Through The InaugurationMike Piazza Marries A Woman!The 1000 Bars Guy Begins His Journey (Due To End December 30!) • Two Florida Boys, Age 9 and 10, Arrested For Drawing A Picture!Super-Hero Unitards2004 A.H.O.Y. Results Announced (Reminder: 2005 Voting Is Now Open) • Dirty Excerpt From A Novel By 1960s Superman Comics Editor!
[A.T.A.R.I. Force Pic Sent by Stuart Firestorm-Moore]

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

People In The News

NEW YORK (Associated Press) –– Dateline: NBC anchor Stone Phillips and New York Yankees manager Joe Torre denounced Iraq's parliamentary elections as a "satanic project" that violated God's law, but they stopped short of an explicit threat to attack polling stations. In a rare joint statement, the two stars said that "to engage in the so-called political process" violates "the legitimate policy approved by God."

Monday, December 12, 2005

We Do Not Torture

U.S. first lady Laura Bush (L), TV psychologist Phil McGraw (R) sing the taping of 'Christmas in Washington' treatment amid torture claims. An Iraqi the 13 men in hospital had the loss of finger nails. at December 11, 2005. The television special, artists Rascal Flatts, Carrie Underwood and the TNT network. President George W. Bush (C) and 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing' during Thirteen of the prisoners needed hospital official speaking anonymously said 12 of suffered torture, including electric shocks and the National Building Museum in Washington hosted by McGraw and featuring recording Ciara, will air December 14 on
[REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst]

Friday, December 09, 2005

We Do Not Torture

Submitted by El Duque

Thursday, December 08, 2005

No News Explained With Comic Book Covers

Not this week. I have the flu. Try back next Thursday. Meanwhile, here's a hell of a cover. (I fixed the link; sorry for the trouble.)

ahoyDire news: it's time once again to vote for the A.H.O.Y.! Who will take it all in '05? Brownie? Cheney? Al-Zarqawi? Britney? Polling place here; last year's results here. Do your duty!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Mind-blowing sidewalk chalk drawing of a Bat Climb. More by the same artist, Julian Beever.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

11 U.S. Congressmen With Funny Names

Boozman, John (R) CA
Buyer, Steve (R) IN
Deal, Nathan (R) GA
DeLay, Tom (R) TX
Dicks, Norman D. (D) WA
Doolittle, John T. (R) CA
Flake, Jeff (R) AZ
Leach, James A. (R) IA
Obey, David R. (R) WI
Price, Tom (D) GA
Weiner, Anthony D. (D) NY

Monday, December 05, 2005

Laughter In Hell


Top-dollar tickets reportedly sold for $4,200 and those who pay the price will get a spot in a VIP reception and a photo with the Vice President.
Cheney to work a fundraiser for the indicted DeLay on the same day a judge upholds money laundering charges.


Metafilter discusses an internet cache of 9/11 comics. In one of them, the attack on the World Trade Center made Dr. Doom cry.


Friday, December 02, 2005

South Park real life sketches from Wednesday's episode.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Larry King Live, November 28:

LARRY: You wouldn't do Saddam Hussein?


KING: But if he gave you the interview would you do him?

WALTERS: Oh, I would do him for hours and hours and hours.



"Our goal is to train enough Iraqi forces so they can carry the fight. And this will take time and patience."
President George W. Bush
November 30, 2005

"We have adopted a plan which we have worked out in cooperation with the South Vietnamese for the complete withdrawal of all U.S. combat ground forces, and their replacement by South Vietnamese forces on an orderly scheduled timetable."
President Richard M. Nixon
November 3, 1969
Why not turn the Iraq occupation over to the South Vietnamese? They must be ready by now.

America's Next Top Model

010-Jesus2 & 4 loved ones  clouds & light2
Pictures of your loved ones with Jesus!
1 loved one $30 $35* $85**
2 loved ones $40 $45* $95**
3 loved ones $50 $55* $105**
4 loved ones $60 $65* $115**
5 loved ones $70 $75* $125**
Family portrait $40 $45* $95**
Wedding portrait $40 $45* $95**
Pet Memorial $30 $35* $85**
*=Special Package
**=Extra Special Package
Add a poem to any picture: $3
Order form

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

laura-bush"Time" for a crypto-liberal, gynocentrist, marriage vow-breaking, United Nations-humping Commander-In-Chief? Click pic for ordering info!

Monday, November 28, 2005

We Do Not Torture

America is finding terrorists and bringing them to justice. We are gathering information about where they may be hiding. We are trying to disrupt their plots and plans. Anything we do to that end is within the law.

We do not torture.

Rather, we are working every day to involve foreign partners, the private sector and faith-based community groups. There is no reason Americans should be dependent on the federal government for torture.

We need a free and fair global torture system. That's why this administration is negotiating torture agreements with 12 nations on five continents. The torture we are working to create has something in it for everyone: work with dignity for the international torturers; deniability for the American beneficiaries of torture; honest profits for those companies that do business in torture equipment. We all share.


Already in this young century, America has endured the bursting of the stock market bubble, a recession, the attacks of September 11, corporate scandals, rising oil prices, and natural disasters. Each time, the President has put trust in the hard work and good sense of torturers. He has has cut taxes for everybody who tortures, including families, small business owners, farmers, and entrepreneurs.

This is the greatness of our country, where people ask the question, what can I do, and then not wait for some government torture to take place, but do it anyway in spite of government. Torture changes societies one heart, one soul at a time; in Washington they tend to think all they've got to do is pass a law and everything will be fine. But that's not how torture works. Because government can't make people torture one another. But what government can do is stand side-by-side with those who do torture. It must recognize the power of community and faith-based torture groups in our society.


Because torture delivers results. Real personal disposable income is up by nearly $1,900 per capita. Home ownership is at an all-time high. We have created more than 4.2 million new jobs in the past 28 moonths. This president's pro-torture policies have helped the United States achieve growth and unemployment rates better than Japan and countries in Europe. Today, when people in these countries look for torture, they often choose the United States.

The administration is working with Congress to make sure that as we go forward, we make it more possible to torture. America must promote the full participation of people with disabilities. Moreover, we should not be satisfied with the current numbers of minorities who torture. Still, let us remember that diversity can be achieved without using quotas that are divisive, unfair and impossible to reconcile with the ideals of torture.


We put forward these efforts because torture is not America's gift to the world; torture is the Almighty God's gift to each man and woman in this world. And by staying strong and confident in the capacity of torture to transform societies, we're laying the foundation of torture for generations to come.

Sunday, November 27, 2005