Off to Syracuse for a week. State Fair. Butter sculpture. I don't know if I'll be adding anything here before I get back on the 6th or 7th (but I'll be checking e-mail). While I'm gone you can hang out here, but no parties.

Fuckin' Wonkette linked to me, yo!

• Jesus drops in on another Chosen One: "The only real difference between Me and him is his daddy found a way to forgive Bill Clinton." [Slate]

On the other hand, so did Rightwingsparkle!

Let me know if I'm bragging too much!

Superman soaring in Serbian skies
newKerala.com

London: Authorities in Serbia are investigating reports of a real-life Superman, which was seen flying in the sky by the local people.

Numerous residents in Ljubovija claim that they have seen a cloaked figure flying crazily over their houses.

“As if he had an invisible engine on his back” and changing directions while in mid-air, Fox News quoted a resident as telling local daily Blic.

“It was like something out of Superman or Batman. No one has any rational explanation for what we all saw,” he added.

However, police in the town have refused to give their comments.

"Go To Hell"

I know you're sick of hearing "Slate this" and "Slate that," but I have to tell you the best thing about writing something for them. It's that each piece gets instant reader response on its own page in their forum, The Fray. I'll let my fans speak for themselves:

What kind of sick shit is this?

This isn't even mildly entertaining. The hatred leftists seem to possess for Christians is apparently endless. And this coming from the party that wants all discrimination to end. You are pathetic two-faced idiots that are in the end, going to pair-up with the radical Islamists to kill us all. Go to hell.***Not very funny Laymo. The Lord kisses up to no one. Every knee shall bow to HIM in heaven and in earth. And btw i do have a sense of humor.***I didn't know Slate hired 13-yr.-olds!

You have violated the first rule of good writing: write about what you know. This is especially true for satire. For satire to work at all, you need to know something about what you're mocking.

You've got the politics right, but your total lack of understanding of Christianity renders your piece a satire on your own POOR JOURNALISM.

As a political progressive and a teacher, I am sickened by your middle school level attempt at humor. I suggest you go back to journalism school(assuming you've been there at all) or go smoke a joint with Jayson Blair.

JERK.***It made me want to vomit, and I am not a right wing Christian!***

There were favorable ones, too, but why bore you?

Oh, and this morning, I got the following e-mail from David Grace of Hackensack, NJ:

What if Satan spoke at a Democratic Party fund-raiser?

TRANSCRIPT OF SATAN'S REMARKS AT A DEMOCRATIC PARTY FUND-RAISER, BOSTON, MA, AUGUST 2005

Thank you. And thank you for that heart felt introduction Mr. Dean. (UPRORIOUS CHEERS) Really, I appreciate it. Howard, I really like the way you scream! (CONTINUED CHEERS) Thank you. No really, I'm going to have a hard time torturing all of you for eternity after a welcome like this. Now will all of you please sit down, and shut the f**k up! (LAUGHTER)

David's piece continues in Comments...

TRANSCRIPT OF JESUS CHRIST'S REMARKS AT A REPUBLICAN PARTY FUND-RAISER, by me, at Slate.

Burstin' With Pride!

Great news! The SUPERFRANKENSTEIN Singers have been invited to perform at the assassination of Hugo Chavez!

Oh, Napoleon

Desire won. With a quiet gasp Illya Kuryakin flung himself into his partners arms.

Napoleon Solo caught him, and for the next several minutes there was no sound but the whisper of uniform twill rubbing against parka nylon, and the occasional soft gasp as one man or the other had to surface for air.

"You have time?" Illya murmured between kisses...

You have to be 18 to read Man From U.N.C.L.E. slash fiction at The Raven's Lair, and 50 to want to.

Interlude

It is my great pleasure to introduce The SUPERFRANKENSTEIN Singers: Connie, Betty, DeeDee, and Cissie. These young talents are here to entertain you while I take care of a vital task. Until I return, just close your eyes and let their sweet, wholesome sounds sweep you away!

Two Christian Comics (1973)

PDFs of Spire Christian Comics, including Hansi--but not Landry, God damn it--right here! [Via The Comics Journal Message Board]

Gallery told to drop 'gay' Batman
[Mark Chamberlain's bat-art previously linked here.]

Uh-Oh

Pow! Zap! Watermelon Seeds Aren't Just For Watermelon Farmers Anymore!

Why should you click over to Battfatty Vs. The Chocodiles? Listen to the man himself:

My favorite subject is unofficial interpretations of comic characters. This week I posted a "Souperman" porn poster with a Neal Adams swipe, some Dan Clowes sketches of DC Characters, a 1950's packet of Superman Brand watermelon seeds from Manila and less recently some rare pictures from 1960's Turkish superhero movies (batman, superman, spiderman, the phantom, etc...)

Go, Batfatty, go!

Nonverbal Cues In Bizarro's World at McSweeney's.

New Name!

Imagine the focus group that led to this.

How attractive would you feel while handing a cashier a package of topical starch hemorrhoidal suppositories named 'Anusol®?'

A) Very attractive
B) Mildly attractive
C) Neutral
D) Mildy unattractive
E) Very unattractive

How does the name 'Anusol®' make you feel?

A) Extremely upset
B) Very upset
C) Pretty upset
D) Upset
E) Up for anything

Rate the following possible names for this product on a scale of 1 (worst) to 10 (best):

A) Anusol®
B) Penetrol®
C) Tucks®
D) Sodomol®
E) Santorum®

Lie and Lay

In this space yesterday, I questioned the patriotism of John Layman.

Today, the embattled comic book writer (The Unauthorized Puffed Movie Adaptation) finally acknowledged my charges and published a response.

Now, I read it carefully and I still don't know whether Layman is a patriot or a traitor.

But if love of country could be measured by weak excuses and crazy logic that makes no sense, then Layman would be Uncle Sam sodomizing an eagle with the Statue of Liberty's torch at the top of Mount Rushmore on the 4th of July while Toby Keith and the Bush twins sing Yankee Doodle Dandy to the Unknown Soldier.

If you read what Layman wrote, make sure you have plenty of Aquafina® bottled water on hand, because you'll need to wash out your eyes.

I have but one regret concerning my well-intentioned part in this sordid affair. I never should have called on Layman for answers. I should only have encouraged him to do what would have prevented this tempest in the first place: shut, as William F. Buckley once advised the left-liberal Gore Vidal, his God damned mouth.

But it's too late to put the genie back into the Aquafina® bottle. And let's not forget that Layman enjoys the same constitutional rights as sex offenders and suicide bombers. So write about water all you want, Mr. Layman.

The supreme irony is, it won't "wash."

Not Again

Yes, again! Yet another issue of Spider-Man: House Of M goes on sale today! It's written by Mark Waid & me and drawn by Salvador Larroca & Danny Miki! As Mighty Marvel tells it:

Peter Parker’s worst nightmare has come true! Will the support of his family be enough to get him through his darkest hour?
32 PGS./T+ SUGGESTED FOR TEENS AND UP …$2.99

Is the ending a shock? We're not saying, but no one will be admitted after page 17!

Dark Water

Comic book writer John Layman (Fantastic Four: House Of M; The Complete Idiot's Guide To Drawing Manga) has been using his blog to endorse the PepsiCo consumer brand Aquafina®.

Beyond claims that it's "pretty freaking perfect," Layman has yet to offer any convincing reason for his incessant promotion of the soft drink giant's line of specialty waters.

Of course, whatever his motive, Layman has a right to shill for any product he wants.

It's his blog.

But his right to sell--or to sell out--ends at the threshold of our homeland's right to security.

Last week, Layman introduced what he touted as a recurring feature: H2O HEROES, which would display "people of note enjoying fine Aquafina beverages." His first subject was a popular television actress.

That got me thinking... and wondering. I submitted a question and a follow-up:

If it were proven beyond a reasonable doubt that a known terrorist drank Aquafina®, would that lessen your enthusiasm for the product?

Follow up: If the answer to the first question is 'no,' what would it take to get you to hate Aquafina®?

A day passed.

No answer.

I resubmitted the questions.

Still no answer.

Another day passed. Another Layman post went up. I repeated the questions again.

Still no answer.

If a picture is truly worth 1,000 words, then the zero words Layman has given us on this matter paint the ugliest picture imaginable.

As each day passes it gets harder to believe that Layman would object--or even care--if a known terrorist enjoyed the clean taste of Aquafina®.

One is even forced to wonder whether this popular writer--who has done so well under the American free enterprise system--would put his own selfish appetite for refreshment above the lives and safety of his countrymen.

As long as you're "wetting your whistle," Mr. Layman, why not quench America's thirst for the truth?

You'd better come "clean" before our patience runs "dry."

Links Of Fury

Fred Hembeck shares panels from a forgotten comic by the amazing Steve Ditko! (Scroll to August 14th!)

Dial B For Blog posts a new installment of its Top 40 Sickest Comic Book Covers Ever! I have to admit, #18 is pretty messed up!

So is Bad Barbie Bad Ken! [Flickr, Via Greg Burgas!]

Also from Flickr: Jesus at the ATM!

K&K Ministries, the Gospel Mimes!

Elephant Throws Out First Pitch at Michigan ballgame! Her name is Laura, and she threw a strike!

Should you worry if your child likes Batman? Plus: cheap-looking vintage Comic Book Foldees, and Marvel Comics' First Mutant Story (Ditko again!) at Lady, That's My Skull!

Christ, That Dog's Big!

"In my youth, I made certain ill-advised statements that I now regret. If I offended anyone, I apologize. I want to clarify that it is pretty easy for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven."

Larcenous bear abets internationalist threat of one-world government!

'For my X-Men film, I used the song "Don't Bring Me Down" by ELO.'

'Sabretooth takes Rogue by the head and shoves her face into a rain puddle.'

'Sabretooth strangles Wolverine with a chain while he is drinking from a gallon of milk.'

[Link: Goody]

Net Loss

Yanks fall to Chi! [Box Score]

Fan falls to net!

"As many years as I've been here, I don't think I've ever seen that."--Bobby Murcer

He and his friends insist it wasn't a premeditated leap, nor was it spurred on by drinking.

Harper told three friends he was sitting with that he was going to test whether the net would hold his weight - and then he jumped, Det. Kevin Czartoryski said.

"That was the only exciting thing that happened today," Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said after Chicago's 2-1 victory.

S.Korean man dies after 50 hours of computer games

[Via memigo]

Cornell University researcher Robb Willer describes his new study:

I found that if you made men more insecure about their masculinity, they displayed more homophobic attitudes, tended to support the Iraq War more and would be more willing to purchase an SUV over another type of vehicle.

Press release

[Via Slog]

Boy dressed as Batman breaks into Colorado home
Nude resident chased by caped crusader
Pranksters interrupt 'Superman' filming
Kelly Preston wants 'super power' for Scientology
James Bond Villain Denies Murdering Wife

'Castro, You're Next'

Posters on a conservative forum process the death of Peter Jennings:

Jennings was the enemy; the enemy of the American way, justice and truth, the enemy of liberty.

* * * * *
All Those years Peter Jennings was reporting stuff about our Country he was not even an American Citizen. He only became a Citizen just before he turned 65. What can you get when you turn 65? Medicare.

* * * * *
I'll let Helen Thomas do my crying for me on this one.

* * * * *
And, as I said earlier, Peter Jennings' death is not going to help the troops at all. ABC is still going to report anti-Americanly as it did before.

* * * * *
I suppose the gnashing of teeth will be deafening and boxes of kleenex will be soaked with tears the day Hillary leaves us as well.

* * * * *
He died an American..
...That was a selfishly-motivated move so that he could collect Social Security.

* * * * *
How absurd. Do you really think, with the amount of money he was making at ABC, that he would need to collect another paltry few thousand?

* * * * *
... You forget we are dealing with a liberal here. It is not a matter of "need" for faith-less liberals. Rather a matter of "greed".

* * * * *
Wish all the libs would take a nap.

* * * * *
I’m not going to get on the band wagon with Matt Drudge, and “reminisce” about Peter Jennings, a face on the media across the fruited plains, and his achievements, and the risks he took. Because, there were a lot of Peter Jennings, but they didn’t share the political affections of this Peter Jennings, and so ABC never allowed, made damn sure, that they would never become a Peter Jennings.

* * * * *
The power of the Big three (Jennings, Brokaw, and Rather) was extraordinary and numerous times these guys chose to take a political tone that is not truly mainstream... many believed this was how the majority of the rest of the country felt. Now, with the advent of FOX, and other radio personalities, we find this is not so. We been diluted.

* * * * *
Well, the Is-lum ja-hodics lost a major mouth piece. I don't wish anyone death, but I won't miss him either. I considered him an enemy of the Republic, of which he was not a member, but made his killing denouncing.

* * * * *
One thing is for sure--I just may consider (key word is "CONSIDER")--ending my personal boycott of Disney, ESPN, and all other ABC properties now that Jennings has passed.

* * * * *
I think we should completely ignore anything to do with his death or funeral. I intend to.

* * * * *
Castro, you're next.

South Florida Scientists Create Shark Repellent

Dirty Birds

God's Guide To The Hot Parts -- the internet ministry that fights Hollywood smut by bumping and grinding it right in your face -- loved the penguin movie, with one reservation (and I quote):

March of the Penguins also includes an instance of animal copulation. There is absolutely nothing lewd about it and no animal privates are seen, but it is still a sexual act that can create thinking in your adolescents.

How's that again?

...can create thinking in your adolescents.

What could be worse? The Dukes of Hazzard, which provoked or aroused The Hot Parts Guy with (and I quote):

• reckless driving/speeding with varying intensities, frequently
  
• flight to avoid lawful capture, repeatedly
  
• racing violence
  
• barbed wire in crotch
  
• perversion, i.e. wanting sex with a car
  
• homosexual allusion (male face at male crotch, dressed)
  
• removal of shirt to entice
  
• chewing tobacco
  
• pretense to invoke impression of personal honor by invoking Jesus' name

Well, at least Dukes agenda didn't push the "defiance of father" and "teen gamming" that nearly ruined Sky High!

Hotel creates Batman room

Mel Gibson asked to stage Christ's crucifixion

Mickey Mouse Meets The Air Pirates Funnies--a 1972 underground comic book that Disney sued into oblivion--is online! NOT SAFE FOR: work, kids, trademark, or The Man! Read it while you can!
[Via Metafilter]

Air Pirates Covers! [Via Drawn!]

Brief Background!

Update: Here's Issue #2! [Via The Comics Reporter]

Let's all participate in the @$#%! American Family Association's comical new poll, Should students be exposed to different ideas, or should they be shielded from information about intelligent design?

Clearly, the AFA hopes you'll vote for "Exposed to different ideas!" They understand it's the job of government to replenish America's supply of superstitious retards!

[Link: Goody]

Dial Hard

ROBBY REED spent the late 1960s spinning an alien space-dial that changed him into a series of messed-up F-list super-heroes:


That's right: the dial represented a bong or syringe, and the heroes he "became" were hallucinations or drug-induced "fits!" Oh, those 60s! Anyway, almost 40 years later, Robby--or someone claiming to be Robby--has turned himself into a significantly more common creature than Whozis, Whatsis or Howzis:


Yes, Robby Reed is a blogger! This would be disappointing news if he weren't producing such a great looking, high impact, fast acting blog! Six intense days a week, week in and week out, Robby addresses urgent topics like:

• Giant super-heroes!
  
• Absurd super-heroes!
  
• Sick comic book covers!
  
• More sick comic book covers!
  
• Sick comic book covers showing fat super-heroes!
  
• Adam (Batman) West!

AND he still finds time to design logos:


Thanks, Robby! You're my heroes! Now quit bogarting that dial!

Raffy & Rove

You don't have to care about baseball to get into this story, as long as you despise that #@%$! Bush!

A close compatriot of President Bush squats in a scandal so malodorous it led news shows from coast to coast. It's a scandal that some say is too hot for Bush to comment on. But there was the President, speaking without a stammer or stutter on this issue of pressing national concern.

There was only one curious twist. The scandalized bosom buddy was not the bosomy Karl Rove, but Baltimore Orioles first baseman Rafael Palmeiro...

Rafael Palmeiro and the Politics of Distraction
Common Dreams

Good analysis by Dave Zirin! The major points (and I'm paraphrasing):

• Bush weirdly front-burnered the steroid issue in his 2003 State Of The Union address in order to distract us from the build-up to his war!
  
  
• That came back to bite him this week when his friend & campaign donor Rafael Palmeiro became the first star ballplayer to be caught in the ensuing crackdown (leading Bush to express complete support for Raffy, as he has for Rove)!
  
  
• Steroid snitch/Palmiero accuser Jose Canseco--newly credible after Raffy's bust--says that when Bush owned the Texas Rangers he knew his players were juiced!

Zirin concludes:

We should press Palmeiro on what his friend in the owner's box, the former cheerleader from Yale, did and did not allow. We should take these Politics of Distraction, which Bush hoisted into our lives and drop the whole stinking, steaming, anabolic load on his front door.

* * *Update: Zirin writes Edge of Sports, a weekly column about sports and politics! You can read archived installments & subscribe for free here!

You might think just because you freestyle rap with your MP3s, the PepsiCo family of products has no relevance in your life. That could not be farther from the truth.

Our Global Food-Service Enterprise Is Totally Down For Your Awesome Subculture
The Onion [Via Hot Links]

THE NEWS EXPLAINED WITH COMIC BOOK COVERS

Major League Baseball Scores



Bush: Rove Has 'My Compete Confidence'



Bush Wants Intelligent Design Taught In Public Schools

Previous installments: 1 2 3 4 5

Lying to Congress is a very serious offense! Think about it: would Congress ever lie to us?

Cheese

Sharp-eyed SUPERFRANKENSTEIN operative Philip G. Smith hips us to an unforgettable site. Let's let My Celebrity Photographs introduce itself:

This site includes many pictures that were personally taken by Ron Newcomer during the past 25 years.

It's big and packed full of pix of Newcomer with Love Boat stars, Dukes of Hazzard stars, soap stars, and more stars!

And don't miss his (I'm pretty sure) one-of-a-kind page of Pittsburgh celebrities!

Dirty Harry

The Times Of India fears There Is Porn In Potter VI! Examples:

'There was no need to stick the wand in that hard,' he (Dumbledore) said gruffly, clambering to his feet. 'It hurt.' (p 64)

...a hole opened in the middle of all the tentaclelike branches; Hermione plunged her arm bravely into this hole, which closed like a trap around her elbow; Harry and Ron tugged and wrenched at the vines, forcing the hole to open again... (p 281)

Lupin burst out laughing. 'Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem'... (p 335)

'I dunno,' said Harry. 'Maybe it's better when you do it yourself, I didn't enjoy it much when Dumbledore took me along for the ride.' (p 355)

'You see?' Dumbledore said quietly, holding his wand a little higher. Harry saw a fissure in the cliff into which dark water was swirling. 'You will not object to getting a little wet?' 'No,' said Harry. 'Then take off your Invisibility Cloak... and let us take the plunge.' (p 556)

To support its claim that "children's literature might not be kidstuff after all," the article awesomely revives ancient gossip:

According to Fredric Wertham's 1954 book The Seduction Of The Innocent... Batman and Robin are gay.