"Why Does Everything I Whip Leave Me?"

270+ Deadspin commenters share their favorite Simpsons lines.

Westerns Can Predict The Future

I'm reading Blood On The Trail by Max Brand, first published in 1957, and one of the villains is named Bush Reagan.

Comic-Con San Diego 2007

This looks like the one that might finish us all off. Here's where I'll be:

Thursday, July 26th
1:00 - 2:00: Marvel Comics, signing NEW AVENGERS/TRANSFORMERS and showing off new projects. Booth #2429.
5:00 - 6:00: Fox Atomic, showing off previews of THE NIGHTMARE FACTORY. Booth #4429.

Friday, July 27th
11:00 - 12:00: Tokyopop, signing EARTHLIGHT volumes 1 & 2 and showing off previews of #3. Booth #3529.
3:30 - 4:30: Tokyopop panel: Comics Vs. Manga. Booth #3529.

Saturday, July 28th
4:00 - 6:00: Group signing for the new anthology POSTCARDS at the Comic Relief booth, #1514.

And various other times: Virgin Comics, talking about the new Virgin/SciFi imprint I'm editing. Booth #1803.

Come on out and support your hard-working local comics creator. Bring oxygen and Doritos Experimental Flavor X-13D!

My Neighborhood Is Empty

Wife's theory: "Everyone's home reading."

This Is Great

Questions For The Candidates, by Hart Seely, at Slate.

Quote

"I put bomb in squirrel's briefcase and who gets blown up? Me!"
-- Boris Badenov

Good News For Rodd & Todd Flanders

Wal-Mart to sell religious toys

With Tales of Glory Spirit Warrior Action Figures children can bring the greatest stories of the Bible to life. Each 13" action figure comes with a mini-storybook. Spirit Warriors are big tough toys that boys will love to play with. Add a Tales of Glory Play-mat to Spirit Warrior action figures and watch your child's imagination soar.

More here.

We Watched This Sat. Night

It's about the greatest man who ever lived. Four stars.



Superargo is a retired pro wrestler who:

• Still wears his mask and costume all the time.
• Studies levitation and telekinesis.
• Investigates fantastic crimes for the government.
• Insists on investigating fantastic crimes his own way.

If you've ever heard of anyone better, let me know. But be sure. Because I don't think you have, and I don't want to hear a lot of Jesus Christ this and Abraham Lincoln that.

So, How'd The Signing Go?

My Tek Jansen "co-writer" John Layman extracts what lessons can be gained from yesterday's "disappointing, shocking and shameful" events at Comics Dungeon.

I Said I'd Remind You

I'll be signing copies of Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen on Saturday from 12-3 at Seattle's Comics Dungeon.

Complaint: Toy Leaks Clue To Existence Of Boners

The Red Robin restaurant chain is taking action after a Twin Cities family won a bear with an ad for Viagra at one of its restaurants.

Joe Kelner, 11, won a bear while playing the claw machine at the Red Robin in Shoreview.

Joe's parents thought it was inappropriate and complained to restaurant employees.

"It's important for parents to know that there are maybe inappropriate toys in these vending machines that you think are safe," Lori Kelner said.

Red Robin says the bears were supplied by a local vendor from New York as part of a Nascar package promoting its sponsors.

The company said they are removing the bears from all its restaurants.

KSTP.com

If I were going back to elementary school in six weeks, I wouldn't want to be famous for owning Viagra Bear. Rest in peace, Joe Kelner, 11.

Lady Bird

Nancy:
I've been where the eagle flies
Rode his wings 'cross autumn skies
Kissed the sun, touched the moon
But he left me much too soon
His lady bird...he left his lady bird

Lee:
Lady bird come on down
I'm here waiting on the ground
Lady bird I'll treat you good
Ah, lady bird I wish you would
You lady bird...pretty lady bird

Nancy:
Lightning flashed across the sky
The night he taught me how to fly
The sun came up and then I found
Too soon he let his lady down
His lady bird...I'm his lady bird

Lee:
Lady bird come on down
I'm here waiting on the ground
Lady bird I'll treat you good
Aw, lady bird I wish you would
You lady bird...pretty lady bird

Nancy:
Winter lives in my heart
In the times that we're apart
Summer sings a song or two
When he says 'I love you true'
My lady bird...yeah, I'm his lady bird

Lee:
Lady bird come on down
I'm here waiting on the ground
Lady bird I'll treat you good
Aw, lady bird I wish you would
You lady bird...pretty lady bird

Nancy:
I'm your lady bird

Lee:
You're a lady bird

Nancy:
Yes, I'm a lady bird

Lee:
You're too much you little bird

Lady Bird Johnson 1912-2007

Remember When President Bush Asked Americans To Support The War On Terror By Shopping?

Today would be good.

It's Tekmas Eve

Set your chrono-clocks! Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen crash-lands into comics shops everywhere on Wednesday.

I'll be signing copies on Saturday from 12-3 at Seattle's Comics Dungeon. Don't worry, I'll remind you.

These Kids Today

Huh.

TV Beatnik Poems

So I was telling Terry Delegeane that I once heard a beatnik recite the following poem on the Beverly Hillbillies:

Blue cheesecake
A silver spoon stuck in the sand
The seaweed barks at me

Terry actually countered with his favorite TV beatnik poem, from Happy Days:

Little boy
With your nose pressed against the window
There are no jelly donuts for you today
Only death.

If you know any TV beatnik poems, please don't hold back.

Buy Tek Jansen

Captain America of NEW AVENGERS/TRANSFORMERS says: BUY TEK JANSEN.



Damon Cole of EARTHLIGHT says: BUY TEK JANSEN.

Hell, buy them all. You don't need money, do you?

More on NEW AVENGERS/TRANSFORMERS, on sale tomorrow (along with EARTHLIGHT v2). And more. And MORE!

Does Condi Hate Bar's Miserable Old Guts?

Sure looks it.

"An All-Syrup Super Squishee? Oh, Such A Thing Has Never Been Done!"

Marketing promotions normally enrage and embarrass me, but this is The Simpsons, for God's sake. I'm walking to Kwik-E-Mart tomorrow and I'm getting my blue Squishee and that's it.

More pix.

Still more.

Scooter Skates...

...and they're going batshit at Draft Dick Cheney!