God's Guide To The Hot Parts

Why go to a movie without first consulting the ChildCare Action Project (CAP): Christian Analysis of American Culture Ministry? It obsessively lists a film's sins--a.k.a. the good parts--and divides them into six hilarious categories:

Wanton Violence/Crime;
Impunity/Hate;
Sex/Homosexuality;
Drugs/Alcohol;
Offense to God;
Murder/Suicide.

In other words, SHAZAM.

Here's how The Incredibles did in three of the categories:

Sexual Immorality (S)

smacking on the bottom, twice

rude gaze at posterior

dressing to maximize the [cartoon] female form and/or skin exposure
Drugs/Alcohol (D)

champagne to celebrate evil deeds
Offense to God (O)

four uses of God's name in vain but without the four letter expletive

transofrmation [sic] to a demon/devil using a baby

For steamier reading, click over to Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason. And don't miss the 900-film archive, particularly their classic review of the South Park movie. But don't look for everything:

Following are films we will NOT analyze due to content, rating or other reasons:
Meet the [Husband's family name from Meet the Parents] (PG-13). The implied vulgarity of the title is enough to eject this film from our project.

Unfortunately, as much as they make us laugh and think of nasty things, these clowns are not entirely harmless.

Welcome Millarworld & Comicon Readers

Not much comics content on the front page today, so here's a picture of our old pal Captain Marvel, who could send his body parts flying in separate directions when he said the word SPLIT. The preferred Captain Marvel of absolutely no one, he was created in the '60s by Carlos Burgos, the man who gave us the Human Torch.

But you knew that.

"So We're All Up To Speed..."

The Homosexual Agenda, via Metafilter.

SCRAMBI

The papers say the Yankees are trying to dump Giambi's sorry testosterone-sweetened buttocks. A walk-off grand slam he hit against the Twins on May 17, 2002, was considered, at the time, his baptism as a Yankee. Now we'll remember it as the only thing he ever did. His list of triumphs at BaseballLibrary.com hits a brick wall when he moves to New York. The grand slam, the 2002 Home Run Derby win (like that matters at all), a homer against the Angels in the doomed 2002 ALCS, and nothing. Mediocrity is one thing; mediocrity on steroids is freaky!

King Fu Monkey's "Top Ten John Wayne Movies That Could Also Be Porn Titles"

10.) Men Without Women (1930)
9.) Rough Romance (1930)
8.) Seven Men from Now (1956)
7.) Girls Demand Excitement (1931)
6.) Maker of Men (1931) or Two Fisted Law (1932) -- tie

Read the rest at Kung Fu Monkey

The W Stands For Warispeace

I didn't know that when President Bush lights the National Christmas Tree, it's part of something called the Pageant Of, uh, Peace.

Vote For The A.H.O.Y.

Link

Report: Giambi Shot "Testosterone Into His Buttocks"

Plus, he took steroids.

A.H.O.Y. There!

...is another way of saying: "I'm afraid I have some bad news. It's time once again to vote for AssHole Of the Year." Click over there and cast your vote now in an election like none other held in 2004. This time, we want an asshole to win.

Evil Eye

CBS and NBC ask: why does inclusion have to include everyone?

CLEVELAND -- The CBS and NBC television networks are refusing to run a 30-second television ad from the United Church of Christ because its all-inclusive welcome has been deemed "too controversial."

The ad, part of the denomination's new, broad identity campaign set to begin airing nationwide on Dec. 1, states that -- like Jesus -- the United Church of Christ seeks to welcome all people, regardless of ability, age, race, economic circumstance or sexual orientation[...]

"Because this commercial touches on the exclusion of gay couples and other minority groups by other individuals and organizations," reads an explanation from CBS, "and the fact the Executive Branch has recently proposed a Constitutional Amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, this spot is unacceptable for broadcast on the [CBS and UPN] networks."

With "acceptance" now "controversial," hatred can breathe easy. Maybe have a few beers with violence. If someone gets hurt, it won't be the first time the "liberal" media's fear of Bush helped make that happen.

Via Metafilter