BAD IDEA

...For most of us, anyway. Someone is selling Super-Hero Unitards.

Aside to Batman: Alfred made the blue trunks for a reason. For God's sake, wear them.

[Via]

MIRROR GARFIELD

I could read these all day.

A.H.O.Y. WINNERS

You voted--or, more likely, didn't--and you can see results, starting today.

A.H.O.Y. Results Come To Those Who Wait

After, like, 2 weeks of dragging their asses, A.H.O.Y. election officials will begin to post results later today (I'll let you know). It should be up by now, but they're counting on my help, and I've been doing actual paying work and mesmerising myself with the rhythms of repetitive Johnny Carson coverage. My God, everyone shows exactly the same clips. I've seen the one where Carnac makes fun of Dippity-Do, like, a dozen times. Does anyone still know what Dippity-Do is?

Anyway, to tide you over until the first A.H.O.Y. results, here are two annual lists that are nearly as essential:

The Ten Worst Corporations of 2004.

Project Censored's Top 25 Censored Media Stories.

Man Of Smut

READ A DIRTY EXCERPT FROM
60s SUPERMAN EDITOR'S NOVEL

Connoisseurs of the Superman comics edited in the '60s by Mort Weisinger find inexhaustible humor and horror in his ambivalent--even hostile--treatment of love and sex (see Hembeck). But his, er, thrust went even deeper in a 1970 novel of the beauty pageant trade, The Contest, as you'll see in this filthy excerpt (courtesy of SUPERFRANKENSTEIN operative AGENT DOUBLE-4). It starts a little slowly, then gets crazy as you wanna be:

All at once, light spilled weakly around him from behind; he whirled to find Hazel standing in the doorway he had left. She leaned against the jamb, her outlined form surrounded by an aureole, beckoning him with a forefinger. He walked her shadow, as on a dark path to her.

Her face was drawn. She seemed utterly spent. She told him softly, "There was someone outside in the yard. He was trying to look in through one of the windows. The watchman chased him, but he got away."

Roger said, "Maybe it was just a house prowl, a burglar."

"No. A burglar would avoid a lighted place."

"What do you think?"

She shook her head. "I can't think. Maybe somebody knew I was coming here. Maybe I was followed." She paused. "Or maybe you're the one being followed."

"Impossible," he said with emphasis. "Why would anyone want to spy on me?"

Reflexly he reached out to touch her, to comfort her, taking her hand. It was their first physical contact in all the time they had been together. A voluptuous current sparked across the tactile synapse, and they shivered in the power of their commitment. It transcended all thought and reason, all denial, all defenses.

He kissed her hand and put her palm to his face and pulled her to him. She yielded to his arms, to his caress of her cheeks, her temples. He took her nape and tilted her head back and they kissed tenderly, barely brushing lips, tasting each other, their tongues gently explorative. How acutely he remembered her fragrance. Their mouths were locked, sucking breath from each other. His hands traced her spine and embraced the twin moons of her hind, pressing her to him, her lissome warmth curved to his loins. Eyes closed, he swam in a sea of gold, the gold of the bay water in sunlight the first time he had seen her, the gold in the mirror where he had found her again.

He swept her up in his arms and carried her deeper into the storeroom, to a low platform heaped with coffin pads, and slowly laid her down.

"Not here, not now," she whispered, holding on to his arms.

"Yes, baby."

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS. FOR ADULT LIBERTINES ONLY. BY CLICKING ON THE COMMENTS LINK YOU CERTIFY THAT YOU ARE A MATURE, OPEN-MINDED BLUE STATE AESTHETE OVER 40.

Million Dodgeball Underbaby

Saturday night we went to see Million Dollar Baby. I liked it until Sunday afternoon, when we watched Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Sleazy gyms; grizzled old trainers who turn loveable losers into top athletes; championship matches in Vegas; slow-motion blows to the head; they're exactly the same movie! Clint Eastwood should be ashamed.

Awwww, Cute!

Pittsburgh, PA, Jan. 22 (UPI) -- Authorities in west-central Pennsylvania are considering charges against two 11-year-old boys who allegedly tried to highjack a school bus at knifepoint.

The Rest Of The Story. I'm Paul Harvey. Good-day!

SPONGEBOB SHOCKER:HETERO AFTER ALL?

The SpongeBob will turn your kids gay "controversy" is so insane that even The Hot Parts Guy is trying to disassociate himself. God's Guide To The Hot Parts, the movie review ministry that fights smut by describing it in arousing detail, sent the following e-mail to its list on Thursday, the day the story broke wide:

[Ahem: emphasis mine, and I know I'm more in love with his prose than you are, so just skim the bold parts for pure, uncut LSD-666]:

The article on our website entitled SpongeBob, Barney Promote 'Gay' Tolerance has been removed due to an error in the source.

The source claimed the We Are Family Foundation home page presented the following statement :

"We Are Family is a voice of informed straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people who have chosen to love and support our relatives and friends by working to spread truth about homosexuality."

The We Are Family Foundation website does indeed promote the We Are Family children's video which is claimed to promote diversity and tolerance but their website does NOT contain the boldly homosexual statement above. Another clearly homosexual organization which also has a website named We Are Family DOES contain the statement but I will not reveal its address. It is clear the source confused the two sites.

I have no concrete evidence whether the We Are Family video indeed does promote 'gay' tolerance. All I have is the suggestion made by the producers' use of the intensely abused and misused phrase "promote diversity and tolerance" used universally by the practitioners of homosexuality. Bbut [sic] such a suggestion is NOT enough to make the a claim of promoting 'gay' tolerance. I will be happy to conduct a CAP analysis of it if anyone can get a copy of the video to me.

For those of you who informed us of the error, thank you for letting us know about it.

Please accept my apology for our error of inadequately checking sources prior to posting an article.

In Service to His Little Ones through their Parents and Grandparents in His Name by His Word

The article he "removed" is still there (scroll down), but hey.

Oh, and if "women stripping to underwear to entice teen boys" is your thing, then run-don't-walk to Coach Carter, says the Hot Parts Guy!

PLUS: He's added some paragraphs to his Elektra review, but it looks like none of us will live to see the finished work:

I have got to conserve resources, especially time, and end this Summary/Commentary here, in the middle of it. I am sorry.

Jesus, Hot Parts Guy, do you need to talk to someone?

E-mail me.

Let it all out.

I mean it.

I care.

Commissioner Gordon Quote Of The Week

"Once again we take our poor, cracked pitcher to the Caped Crusader's well!"





Episode 81
"The Joker's Last Laugh"

Black Lightning Returns...

...in today's Boondocks!