Captain Kirk Explains America

Crosspost

An essay that got away from me: The one, true, essential Peanuts volume.

Wait 'Til Your Savior Gets Home

Email alert! Email alert! Trouble at Hot Parts House!

Does anyone know if there are any sponsorships or scholarships (in Texas?) to pay for attending a Christian school? We are sending our eldest daughter to a Christian school. Now we have to find the money. I know that is putting the cart before the horse but conditions dearly warranted the move.

What did he catch her doing? Leave your guess in the comments!

[Previously...]

Haw!

Pornography Addiction E-cards
Via Metafilter

Why I Haven't Posted Much

I'm really into our Yankees Blog.

Take That, People Who Really Write Poetry

Today, Phil Rizzuto is the #1 poet on Amazon. You can read samples of his work here, here and here, and buy the book through the link in the sidebar. All royalties go to charities Scooter chose.

Seely carved these verses out of two Phil Rizzuto broadcasts for our book, and I had to read them again today. The come from the first games played after Yankee catcher Thurman Munson's fatal plane crash. All words Scooter's.

Prayer for the Captain

There's a little prayer I always say
Whenever I think of my family or when I'm flying,
When I'm afraid, and I am afraid of flying.
It's just a little one. You can say it no matter what,
Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Protestant or whatever.
And I've probably said it a thousand times
Since I heard the news on Thurman Munson.

It's not trying to be maudlin or anything.
His Eminence, Cardinal Cooke, is going to come out
And say a little prayer for Thurman Munson.
But this is just a little one I say time and time again,
It's just: Angel of God, Thurman's guardian dear,
To whom his love commits him here there or everywhere,
Ever this night and day be at his side,
To light and guard, to rule and guide.

For some reason it makes me feel like I'm talking to Thurman,
Or whoever's name you put in there,
Whether it be my wife or any of my children, my parents or anything.
It's just something to keep you really from going bananas.
Because if you let this,
If you keep thinking about what happened, and you can't
understand it,
That's what really drives you to despair.

Faith. You gotta have faith.
You know, they say time heals all wounds,
And I don't quite agree with that a hundred percent.
It gets you to cope with wounds.
You carry them the rest of your life.

Phil Rizzuto August 3, 1979
Baltimore at New York
Pregame show


***
The Man In The Moon

The Yankees have had a traumatic four days.
Actually five days.
That terrible crash with Thurman Munson.
To go through all that agony,
And then today,
You and I along with the rest of the team
Flew to Canton for the services,
And the family...
Very upset,

You know, it might,
It might sound a little corny.
But we have the most beautiful full moon tonight.
And the crowd,
Enjoying whatever is going on right now.
They say it might sound corny,
But to me it's some kind of a,
Like an omen.

Both the moon and Thurman Munson,
Both ascending up into heaven.
I just can't get that out of my mind.
I just saw that full moon,
And it just reminded me of Thurman.
And that's it.

- August 6, 1979
Baltimore at New York
Ron Guidry pitching to Lee May
Fifth inning, bases empty, no outs
Orioles lead 1-0


***

More here.

So Long, Piggy

"I foresee that man will resign himself each day to new abominations, that soon only soldiers and bandits will be left."

-Borges, "The Garden of Forking Paths"

It's All About Me

Thanks for the GIANT ROBOT WARRIORS plug below, SuperFrankenstein. To show my overwhelming gratitude, I've started my own blog. It's called Pensive Mischief, and it's designed to serve as a guide to my work both as writer and editor...but there will be much commentary, news, and previews as well.

I'm not abandoning the Beer and the Meat, though. I'll still be here as infrequently and incoherently as ever. In fact...could there be a TEAM-UP in the works? We're huddling in the offices RIGHT NOW, True Bereaver. Start saving your virtual shekels now!

Robots Go Boing Boing

The great and powerful Boing Boing today praises Stuart's comic, Giant Robot Warriors, as "a masterful comic allegory for world's military build-up and stand-offs." Which it is!

Simpsons Movie: The Hot Parts

God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the fundamentalist web ministry that fights movie smut by describing it in arousing detail--reviewed The Simpsons Movie!

I have nothing good to say about any of the parts that just might have a positive statement (as most films do) because, however few they are, positive elements are so deeply embedded in animated manure they are nearly invisible. The immoral screaming of this film drowns out the gossamer whispers of good. The caliber of this film could also be compared to filling a theater auditorium with manure two inches deep then sprinkling a drop or two of perfume in three of four places. While sitting in your chair are you going to be able to smell the perfume? Even if you are sitting next to where the perfume landed?

Jesus, Hot Parts Guy! I got your point two sentences ago! Now get to the hot parts! (There may be spoilers, but you've seen it already.)

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
# action violence, repeatedly
# three drowning deaths
# baby-killing video game
# eye impalement injury
# choking child
# slapstick violence, repeatedly
# bully assault
# stupidity with a firearm
# crushing/squashing death
# four gunfire injuries
# brutality
# arrow impalement
# theft
# implication leading to false arrest
# hanging staging
# father choking son
# firearm to control, repeatedly
# animal attack
# physical assault with joy in revenge
# death by crushing

Impudence/Hate (I)
# seven uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary, twice by an adolescent
# child firing pellet gun at father
# father daring son to skateboard nude
# tattoo
# mob mentality
# at the daughter's anger the mother said "You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever"
# adolescent insult of father, repeatedly
# son calling father by first name, twice
# father calling the daughter an accident

Sexual Immorality (S)
# posterior cleavage
# crotch hit
# child nudity, frequent, including full frontal anatomically correct nudity
# homosexual kiss
# adults in underwear
# implied intercourse
# anatomical reference
# female pointing the direction to go by swinging her breasts
# self-touching

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
# "Binge responsibly"
# smoking, repeatedly
# adolescent drinking
# adolescent drunkenness
# adolescent alcoholism
# comment re: drinking is okay
# adolescent intoxication collapse
# drugging to control, including a child
# smoking drugs

Offense to God (O)
# one use of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive and ten without, once by an adolescent
# blasphemy
# "this book [the Bible] doesn't have any answers"
# contempt for God, faith and the Scriptures throughout
# "We told you so" on a church marquis

Murder/Suicide (M)
# impalement murder
# video game murder by gunfire
# robot committing suicide by gunfire

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go rub one out.