Tuesday, May 31, 2005

THE WRONG THROAT

Go look while the muckraking website Deep Throat Uncovered still opens with this carefully substantiated assertion:

After a four-year investigation, students at the University of Illinois have determined the identity of Deep Throat, the most elusive, anonymous news source in history: Fred Fielding, deputy counsel to former President Richard Nixon.
And go easy on these kids. They weren't the first college students to waste four years.

CORRECTION

I goofed! Pray For Clay Day is the first day of every month, not the last! It starts at midnight Eastern; have you signed up?

THE NEWS
EXPLAINED WITH COMIC BOOK COVERS

WorldForgotSuperman
Man Claims He Was Watergate's 'Deep Throat'


ZigiZagi
Supreme Court Overturns Arthur Andersen Conviction


JimmyJungle
Heir To Marry Paris Hilton

More here, here and here.

Our Lady

Laura_Bush
Over Memorial Day weekend, the time when Americans and possibly Canadians remembered those who fought and died for our right to vote in polls, dozens of you took the Laura Bush Survey:

Laura Bush Should Be...
LauraPollFinal

You stunned the observers and embarrassed the pundits by voting not to impeach Mrs. Bush, not to arrest her, not to end the First Marriage, but to leave Laura alone! You, the people, have spoken--and your voice is being heard, loud and clear! This space hereby suspends its campaign to bring Mrs. Bush to justice, effective immediately. As long as the wind keeps blowing this way, my attitude toward the First Lady can be summed up with the following time-honored nugget of proven wisdom:

"Live--and let live!"

Monday, May 30, 2005

Laura Verdict Nears

bushlaurabush
Laura Bush should be...
LauraPoll
The poll is close! It ends at midnight Pacific Time! Your vote could decide the fiendish one's fate!

Plinko Freaks

THE PRICE IS RIGHT
If you think the internet is all porn, cranky politics, Star Trek, and I-had this-for-lunch confessionals, you're wrong. A brief, desperate, what-do-I-post-now search reveals that a good 25% of the web is devoted to The Price Is Right, including:

Daily episode summaries--I said daily episode summaries--on The Price Is Right Blog!

Rules, history and picures of more than 80 Price Is Right pricing games!

A page of singular fan art!

Price Is Right music clips!

Video clips and gossip!

And, most creepily, The Price Is Right Swimsuit Models Galleries!

Can Price Is Right fan fiction be far behind?

Bob Barker was tired. Who wouldn't be, he thought to himself, after hosting an hour-long game show for more than thirty years? Thirty turmoil-laden years that included Watergate, the Challenger explosion, the death of Ronald Reagan, the invasion of Iraq? The litany made his nipples harden...

Friday, May 27, 2005

psychedThis is why I link to tabloid covers. Two days after A-Rod stunned no one but a few sports pundits by "revealing" he had his head shrunk, the New York Post serves up this masterpiece.









Thursday, May 26, 2005

Links Of Fury

starwars
Star Wars Is Satan's Tool will make you say, "They're kidding, right?" [A tip of the Phil Spector hair to Jim Chadwick!]

Scott Saavedra confronts the brain-teasing enigma of The Riddler's puzzling footwear!

Thank God For Yubiwaza and for Mr. Dan Kelly's gallery of Comic Book Martial Arts Ads!

I don't know art, but I know what I like: HUMAN CORPSES BUILT FROM POULTRY MEAT and POSED IN WRECKED CARS!! [Via]

The Race Is Over checkered flag casket ($2495.00)! Also: The Michelangelo ($999.99; Last Supper painting on inside lid, $75.00 extra)! [Via]

Christ, That Dog's Big!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

chickenhawk--Brian Hinshaw and RibbonMaker!

A few problems with Blogger today; you might not be able to post comments, and even if you do, they might not be visible. In a case like today's, some might say all we can do is wait and pray, but you know that's not SUPERFRANKENSTEIN's way. To keep the 2-way going, I've started a poll. Over there. To the right. Under the word "POLL." Vote!

Trinity

mcdonalds
Another busy workday. No time for our mission to expose the fetid giblets of American ugliness. Sorry, Clay, Jessica and McDonald's!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

laurabushpuppet
Busy workday. No time to expose the sickening underguts of society and culture. Except for this picture of Laura Bush and Khokha!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Pray for Clay

Bluesuitblend
The last day of the month is Pray For Clay Day:

May's Theme - Clay's Upcoming Tour!!!
Ticket Sales, Safe Travel, Good Reviews ETC.

PRAY FOR CLAY DAY IS NOT A DAY TO WORSHIP CLAY, IT IS A DAY TO LIFT CLAY AND THOSE AROUND HIM UP IN PRAYER FOR EVERY MINUTE IN A FULL 24 HOUR SPAN. IT IS THE BEST GIFT WE CAN EVER GIVE HIM.
prayforclay.com

Photo: All Things Clay Aiken

Saturday, May 21, 2005

make_ribbon.php

A message from The Mighty Layman and RibbonMaker!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Yabba Dabba Doom

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Henry Corden, the voice of cartoon caveman Fred Flintstone's "Yabba-dabba-doo!" for more than two decades, has died. He was 85.
More...


You can find me at the big exciting ComiCardToyCon this Sunday at Seattle Center from 10 to 5.

Celebrity guests include The Mighty Layman.

Stop by, get his autograph, and make fleeting, uncomfortable eye contact with me!

The Batman Curse

<b1_1024x768 copyIllo: Batfriend.com
The passing this week of Frank Gorshin, the dastardly Riddler, turned correspondent El Duque morbid. In the comments section under the commemorative picture of Mr. Gorshin below, Duque pleaded, "How many of the TV Batman's foes are still alive?"

The news isn't good.

Thirty-six actors challenged the Dynamic Duo as "Special Guest Villains."

Twenty-four have died.

Among the dozen still with us are all three Catwomen: Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt and Lee Merriweather. The other nine, in bat-alphabetical order:

Joan Collins (The Siren)
Zsa Zsa Gabor (Minerva)
Glynis Johns (Lady Penelope Peasoup)
Van Johnson (The Minstrel)
Cliff Robertson (Shame)
Barbara Rush (Nora Clavicle)
Malachi Throne (False Face)
Eli Wallach (Mr. Freeze)
Shelley Winters (Ma Parker)
By taking roles in Batman, did two dozen stars unwittingly sentence themselves to death?

You don't think it's possible? Ask Roddy McDowall (Bookworm). Ask Liberace (Chandell). Ask Tallulah Bankhead (Black Widow).

There's only one problem. You can't.

They're all dead.

Superfrankenstein's Pal Peter Olson is wearing his social conscience on his lapel...

day

...Thanks to RibbonMaker!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

QUOTABLE

"The Crusaders' hag came to sully the land of the caliphate."
-- Al-Zarqawi on Condoleeza Rice

Sith And Sin

hayden_christensen5
God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the fundamentalist web ministry that fights Hollywood smut by describing it until you get so hot--reviewed Episode III, the first PG-13 Star Wars movie. A few objections (careful: there may be spoilers):

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)

  • action peril, repeatedly
  • order to kill, repeatedly
  • physical transformation with gore
  • burn gore, repeatedly


    Impudence/Hate (I)

  • sustained anger and hatred, some brutal and vicious
  • much effort to coerce to evil with sympathy and temptation with evil


    Sexual Immorality (S)

  • man and woman in bed
  • below navel skin, threatening to expose what follows
  • excessive cleavage
  • camera angle to force viewer on private parts (clothed)
  • dressing to maximize the human form and/or skin exposure (once)


    Drugs/Alcohol (D):

  • none noted


    Offense to God (O)

  • "The Chosen One - the prophecy says"
  • "You fool!"
  • use of "magic" to levitate, to control others and to do harm
  • using evil for good


    Murder/Suicide (M)

  • beheading murder (severing unseen)
  • The Hot Parts Guy adds this Scripture paraphrase:
    Ps. 12:8 The wicked freely strut about [e.g., create progressively vile/offensive entertainment with impunity and no consequences to younger and younger audiences every year] when what is vile is honored among men [when enough people continue to defend it, embrace it, pay for it, enjoy it, want it, submit to it].
    Oh, and one more thing:
    Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew), who lives close to me but I have never met him, makes a couple appearances while Jar-Jar (Ahmed Best) makes one thankfully non-speaking appearance.

    Wednesday, May 18, 2005

    gorshin

    April 5, 1933 - May 17, 2005

    Ribbons a-go-go, from Dan Kelly...
    jesusfish

    ...Goody...

    Santorum

    ...and Dave Latigue!

    One-Sided

    Make RibbonMaker ribbons and send them to me!

    Bart Simpson.1
    This is the current issue--and the one to buy if you can't get enough of me.

    From Goody, Jason and YoMama, respectively:
    1make_ribbon.php
    Tie a tie
    2make_ribbon.php
    Keep sending your RibbonMaker ribbons!

    Toilet Paper

    front051705I know I'm a day late with this, but I'm not simply reacting to the Post's sensitive parallel between a religious sect and dookie. I just noticed the sidebar headlines:

    Israel In Crisis Over Madonna

    Star Wars Zapped My Love Life
    That's all.

    Please keep sending your RibbonMaker ribbons (see below).

    Tuesday, May 17, 2005

    Two frank RibbonMaker ribbons from The Mighty Layman...

    layman2make_ribbon.phplaymanmake_ribbon.php

    ...and one from the all-too Real Sam Johnson:

    lay_make_ribbon.php

    Send!

    Two outstanding RibbonMaker ribbons from TraumaQueen!
    Send yours!
    maki2make_ribbon.phpmaki1make_ribbon.php

    This one's from Goody. Nice work, G!

    make_ribbon.php

    From Anonymous:

    glibmake_ribbon.php

    Anonymous sure got that right (as s/he so often does)! Show off your glib arrogance with the RibbonMaker and send me what you made!

    ribbon
    Fight sacrifice-free righteousness with sacrifice-free righteousness at Support Our Ribbons. I had fun with their RibbonMaker:

    ribbonTortureribbonLaura

    Send me the ribbons you make and I'll post some. (I won't use your name unless you say I can.)

    Monday, May 16, 2005

    Way To Write!

    Awesomest dialog of '05 on tonight's 24:

    TONY:

    It's funny. This morning, Jack and Audrey were planning their future. Now he's responsible for her husband's death and he may have to torture her brother.

    MICHELLE:

    And yet, every move he's made has been the right one.

    TONY:

    Not if he wanted to be with her.

    People Get Ready

    fire_anakinGod's Guide To The Hot Parts--the fundamentalist web ministry that fights Hollywood smut by describing it in arousing detail--just dispatched this urgent e-mail alert:

    I have been invited to a private screening of Star Wars: Episode III here in town on Tuesday night, May 17, a full day before its official opening at 12:01 AM, Thursday, May 19. I will have the results distributed and posted to the website as soon as possible after viewing it, hopefully before the first showing.
    Needless to say, I too will have the results distributed and posted to the website as soon as possible after The Hot Parts Guy views it, hopefully before the first showing.

    An American Hero

    The New Yorker who vowed to drink in 1000 Bars during 2005 hit #500 Saturday. This puts him on a pace to finish by September 25.

    Friday, May 13, 2005

    Mann VillageMann Villagefox-news-logoMann Village
    Right now, as I'm typing this, Smilin' Stan Lee is on a Fox News political panel, an event no 1965 reader of Tales To Astonish could have anticipated. They're talking about reports of some dark alliance between Hillary Clinton and Newt Ginrich. The anchor's first question to Stan:
    Stan Lee, both of these people are very sort of outspoken characters. You could say that in some ways they have comic characteristics to both of them. How would you, how would you picture these two super-heroes going up against each other?
    Join us on Monday for another episode of the Fox News discussion series, Talkin' Down!

    Two Steps Back

    lethal-injection-sanquentin2
    This morning, Connecticut carried out the first execution of a New England prisoner in 45 years.

    Plus, if you act before June 15, you can win a chance to meet Lindsay Lohan!

    Wednesday, May 11, 2005

    Pow! Zap! Comics Aren't Just For Traitors Anymore!

    TheAmericanPatriotpanel
    When the liberals team up with the terrorists, it looks like a job for... The American Patriot! [Via]

    britney
    Breathtaking gallery of vandalized Britney posters. [Via]

    Tuesday, May 10, 2005

    This Just In

    TVNews
    Hart Seely and I have a piece about TV news in Slate! Go read it!