Monday, May 29, 2006

Rated X

laststand3
God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the internet ministry that fights Hollywood filth by describing it and describing it until we just have to rub up against something or explode--reviewed X-Men III and found these, uh, flaws [UPDATE: there might be SPOILERS]:

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)

* battle violence, repeatedly, some quite graphic, some massive
* assault
* child in self-mutilation
* "Kill me!"
* long sequences of fighting with deaths, some quite graphic, some massive
* threat to commit mass murder
* impalement injuries, repeatedly, some quite graphic
* attempts to kill, many
* blade killing, several
* gore
* incitement to revolt
* orders to kill, including to kill a child
* kidnapping, repeatedly
* action violence of varying intensities, repeatedly
* attempted murder
* body decimation gore, repeatedly


Impudence/Hate (I)

* seven uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
* a child delaying compliance with father's instructions long enough to hide what he was doing
* facial piercing, repeatedly, each instance associated with "bad guys"
* child threatening to kill adult
* "Don't worry. We won't get caught"
* massive tattoos, repeatedly, each instance associated with "bad guys"


Sexual Immorality (S)

* female nudity, frequent, many
* open mouth kissing, repeatedly
* sexual innuendo
* woman placing her legs around a man's pelvis
* making out frenzy
* man on a woman ostensibly for intercourse
* inappropriate touch
* woman undoing man's belt and waist snap then zipper with her powers
* dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure, repeatedly
* homosexual innuendo, repeatedly
* excess cleavage/breast exposure, repeatedly
* crotch kick
* vulgarity by a child


Drugs/Alcohol (D)

* smoking, repeatedly
* multiple drug injections, most forced


Offense to God (O)

* unnatural/unholy powers to control others and things, including weather, frequent and of varying intensities
* unholy transformation/shape shifting, repeatedly
* unholy resurrection
* pro-evolution
* demonic appearance, repeatedly
* unholy healing, many
* calling righteousness evil [Isa. 5:20]


Murder/Suicide (M)

* multiple murders by unholy power, several quite graphic
* murder by incineration, three times
* murder by impalement
* "mercy killing" by blade to kill a killer at her request
We haven't checked in on The Uncanny Hot Parts Guy in a while; great to see he hasn't changed a bit!

13 comments:

Mary said...

I wrote a comment to you and did not post right, dammit....and it was clever too....nonetheless....you kill me Superfrankenstein....kill me....(literally and metaphorically) X-men, is a great movie isn't it?

Mary said...

oh, and jean, i think she can control her own powers just fine....as far as your character, well, superfrankenstein, i had a quote that I put out, but, I will not repeat it, one thing that's funny though, the mustashe club thing....i think your molecularization and imaging of people is off, you thought i was gay and i'm not, i think you need to go back to the drawing board....you're lucky me, god and all, have such a good sense of humor....seriously, i wish you knew that people got all and a half of your stuff, it's just, well all is well that ends well in plamegate I suppose....i still don't like annoying liberals though, and if that makes me a prick so be it...

El Duque said...

If the hotpants guy was a mutant, I think he would be called "Neato Cleano."

Anonymous said...

In the midst of all these descriptions of extreme violence and presumably inappropriate sexuality, my favorite dire warning had to be this one:
* a child delaying compliance with father's instructions long enough to hide what he was doing*

Oh, the utter horror, the depravity, the SHAME!

Mary said...

stash-smacher

Superfrankenstein said...

Mary,

I don't understand a thing you've said. Does that mean we're friends?

I hope so.

Mary said...

yea, totally, sorry if i'm confusing sometimes....we are certainly friends....

Bad Dan said...

'* "mercy killing" by blade to kill a killer at her request'

Hey, Tennessee! How about a little spoiler warning next time!

Superfrankenstein said...

Sorry, Bad Dan. Spoiler warning added. Although, I thought the biggest spoiler was "man on a woman ostensibly for intercourse!"

Al said...

I love how he comes down on the side of the mutant-haters. Demonic appearance... ungodly powers... disobeying the wishes of a father who just wants to hack off your ungodly bits... how can normal homo sapiens put up with this stuff?

Mary said...

The mutants are utterly intriguing and awe inspiring...i wish they could all get along

HP said...

So, did anyone else notice that "crotch kick" is considered sex, not violence?

You know, there've been times I was so horny I would've settled for just about any kind of touch "down there." Still, I don't think I was ever turned on by the prospect of a swift kick in the nards.

Mark Hale said...

Be sure to check out my band "Making Out Frenzy" on MySpace.