Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Don't Be Afraid

talesmysterioustraveler03-ditko
I'm traveling for a week and I don't know when I'll post next. Go laugh at Meg's McSweeney's thing.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Rated X

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God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the internet ministry that fights Hollywood filth by describing it and describing it until we just have to rub up against something or explode--reviewed X-Men III and found these, uh, flaws [UPDATE: there might be SPOILERS]:

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)

* battle violence, repeatedly, some quite graphic, some massive
* assault
* child in self-mutilation
* "Kill me!"
* long sequences of fighting with deaths, some quite graphic, some massive
* threat to commit mass murder
* impalement injuries, repeatedly, some quite graphic
* attempts to kill, many
* blade killing, several
* gore
* incitement to revolt
* orders to kill, including to kill a child
* kidnapping, repeatedly
* action violence of varying intensities, repeatedly
* attempted murder
* body decimation gore, repeatedly


Impudence/Hate (I)

* seven uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
* a child delaying compliance with father's instructions long enough to hide what he was doing
* facial piercing, repeatedly, each instance associated with "bad guys"
* child threatening to kill adult
* "Don't worry. We won't get caught"
* massive tattoos, repeatedly, each instance associated with "bad guys"


Sexual Immorality (S)

* female nudity, frequent, many
* open mouth kissing, repeatedly
* sexual innuendo
* woman placing her legs around a man's pelvis
* making out frenzy
* man on a woman ostensibly for intercourse
* inappropriate touch
* woman undoing man's belt and waist snap then zipper with her powers
* dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure, repeatedly
* homosexual innuendo, repeatedly
* excess cleavage/breast exposure, repeatedly
* crotch kick
* vulgarity by a child


Drugs/Alcohol (D)

* smoking, repeatedly
* multiple drug injections, most forced


Offense to God (O)

* unnatural/unholy powers to control others and things, including weather, frequent and of varying intensities
* unholy transformation/shape shifting, repeatedly
* unholy resurrection
* pro-evolution
* demonic appearance, repeatedly
* unholy healing, many
* calling righteousness evil [Isa. 5:20]


Murder/Suicide (M)

* multiple murders by unholy power, several quite graphic
* murder by incineration, three times
* murder by impalement
* "mercy killing" by blade to kill a killer at her request
We haven't checked in on The Uncanny Hot Parts Guy in a while; great to see he hasn't changed a bit!

If You Are Not Sexually Attracted To Men...

...This link will change your life!
[Via Slog]

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Friday, May 26, 2006

Don't Say It Should Have Happened More Often

Did you know I once wrote part of a comic that the publisher chose to destroy instead of distribute? Robby Reed has the story in the landmark Dial B For Blog #300!

Apocalypse Then

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In the early 1950's, evangelist Herbert W. Armstrong asked artist Basil Wolverton to create a series of horrifying scenes of the end of the world as we know it. Wolverton's work in horror and science fiction comics had prepared him well to execute this assignment in a unique and frightening way. These sixteen pieces represent some of Basil Wolverton's best work, done at the peak of his skill--contemporary with his finest horror/science fiction comic book work, and his early work for MAD magazine.
Collect 'em all

[Via Metafilter]

New York Post To History's Greatest Headlines: Drop Dead

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Thursday, May 25, 2006

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

America Crowns Idol

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HOLLYWOOD — Henry Kissinger, the silver haired diplomat from F├╝rth, Germany, has been crowned the new American Idol.

Asked if he had anything to say to America, Kissinger gave a shout-out to his most dedicated fans, yelling "War Patrol!"

Runner-up Ron Silver embraced Kissinger and thanked his for an Idol experience he called "a dream come true."

It's Settled, Then

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Monday, May 22, 2006

'Nuff Said

QuittersFirstPlace

Quitter Of The Week

Quitter

PRIME Minister Tony Blair's son walked out on a job with an American politician after two weeks.

Euan, 22, was working as an intern with Democrat congresswoman Jane Harman in Washington.

Sources say Euan was bored with tedious duties such as opening letters and photocopying.
PM'S SON QUITS JOB AS INTERN
The Sunday Mail

Friday, May 19, 2006

Visit Beautiful Syracuse

snow
A travel feature by Hart Seely in today's New York Times has passages like:

With its concrete facade, Angotti's Family Restaurant... resembles a three-bedroom house that's been converted into a bomb shelter.
And:
Across suburbia, green water can mean a fried squirrel in the pool filter. But in the expansive Green Lakes State Park... two clear green lakes get their brilliant color from limestone bedrock.
Nice work, Seely!


Pic: Golden Snowball

DaVinci Code Special: His Love Tapes

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As The Da Vinci Code teaches, Jesus Christ had a lot more experience in the sack than some of us gave him credit for. But what songs did He compile on His special "for intercourse only" mixtapes? My best guesses:

• Slob On My Knob / Three 6 Mafia
• Fuck All Day Fuck All Night / DMX
• Put It In Your Mouth / Lil' Kim
• Yo Neck, Yo Back, My Dick and My Sack / Too Short
• Get Off My Dick And Tell Yo Bitch to Come Here / Ice Cube

And, of course:

• Suck My Dick Bitch / NWA

Know any others?

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Peanuts Meets Marvel!

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Many more here. [Via Monkeyfilter]

MAD Movie Parodies We'd Like To See

The DaVinci Clod
Akeelah And The Blecch
Mission Impotrzebie III

Wikipedia's List of Mad's movie spoofs

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

What Songs?


I'll start:

I Me Mine
Waiting For The End Of The World
They Didn't Believe Me
Do You Want To Know A Secret
Someone To Watch Over Me

Let's see yours in Comments.


[GOP Party!, Via Sploid]

Monday, May 15, 2006

Friday, May 12, 2006

Call Your Mother*

Sunday is Mother's Day.










*But don't tell her about the post right under this one.

"Major Pumping Required"


Super Soaker Oozinator ("Comes," says Hasbro, "with a 10-ounce cartridge of bio-ooze!")
Deleted Amazon reviews
[Via Metafilter]

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Jack Cafferty: "We're In Some Serious Trouble."

cafferty_3
Video at Crooks and Liars. Transcript:

We better hope nothing happens to Arlen Specter, the Republican head of the Judiciary Committee, because he might be all that’s standing between us and a full blown dictatorship in this country. He’s vowed to question these phone company executives about volunteering to provide the government with my telephone records and yours, and tens of millions of other Americans.

Shortly after 9-11, AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth began providing the super secret NSA with information on phone calls of millions of our citizens, all part of the war on terror, President Bush says.

Why don’t you go find Osama Bin Laden and seal the country’s borders and start inspecting the containers that come into our ports?

The President rushed out this morning in the wake of this front page story in USA Today and he declared the government’s doing nothing wrong and all of this is just fine.

Is it? Is it legal?

Then why did the Justice Department suddenly drop its investigation of the warrantless spying on citizens? Because the NSA said Justice Department lawyers didn’t have the necessary security clearance to do the investigation.

Read that sentence again.

A secret government agency has told our Justice Department that it’s not allowed to investigate it. And the Justice Department just says okay and drops the whole thing.

We’re in some serious trouble here boys and girls.

Here’s the question.

“Does it concern you that your phone company may be voluntarily providing your phone records to the government without your knowledge or permission?”

If it doesn’t it sure as hell ought to.
[Via AMERICAblog]

"Daddy's Drink Smells Old"

Ed McMahon Vodka
Ed McMahon Vodka
[Via USA Today]

"Daddy Smells Old"

larry_king

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Science Corner

"If religion was based on scientific evidence, it would be called 'science.' And no one would believe it." -- Stephen Colbert

"God doesn't learn anything from experience, does He, or how could He hope anything of man? It's the scientists who add the digits and make the same sum who cause the trouble. Newton discovering gravity -- he learned from experience and after that... [i]t was only a matter of time before Lord Rutheford went and split the atom. He had learned from experience, too, and so did the men of Hiroshima." -- Graham Greene, Our Man In Havana

"No job too dirty for a fucking scientist." -- William S. Burroughs, The Western Lands


superman_death

Monday, May 08, 2006

Friday, May 05, 2006

Superman Returns Trailer

In case you haven't seen it. Looks darn good.

super

Kennedy Crashes Prayer Car

prayer_car2
DENVER -- Rep. Patrick Kennedy crashed the National Day of Prayer Car #78 Sponsored by Furniture Row into a concrete barrier at the NASCAR NEXTEL CUP race at Talladega Superspeedway last Sunday.

To commemorate yesterday's National Day of Prayer, police released the congressman and son of Sen. Edward Kennedy without administering a sobriety test.

For more information, please visit www.furniturerowracing.com.

A Closer Look At The News

tab3

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Fuck! I Almost Missed It!

Today is the National Day Of Prayer!

ALSO: Kenny Wallace drove the National Day of Prayer Car Sponsored by Furniture Row in the April 30th NASCAR NEXTEL CUP race at Talladega Superspeedway! (He finished 13th!)


Day_Of_Prayer_Car

Busy Day

97_4_282
Bicker among yourselves.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Breaking News

tabloids

If You Could Ask President Bush One Question

What would it be? Leave it in the comments.

bush_scowl

Monday, May 01, 2006

If Jesus Were An Acronym

If Jesus were J.E.S.U.S., what would the letters stand for? Leave your idea in the comments.

The Greatest Headline

Supreme Court Sides With Anna Nicole Smith

Big And Little II (Updated)

colbert_bush
Stephen Colbert came up big at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. He said nearly everything Little Bush isn't supposed to hear, including:

I believe that the government that governs best is the government that governs least, and by these standards we have setup a fabulous government in Iraq, and I believe, I believe in pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. I believe it is possible I saw this guy do it once in Cirq de Soleil -- it was magical.

And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has their right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe its yogurt but I refuse to believe it’s not butter.

Most of all I believe in this president, now I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating, but guys like us [turns to President] we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking [makes airquotes] in reality, and reality has a well known liberal bias.
Transcript and video.

A review from the right wing board @ Free Republic:
He wasn't trying to be funny. He was taking the opportunity of being face to face with one of the greatest, kindest, most loving men on earth to shoot arrows of evil at him.

In stead of being angry with Colbert last night, I should have been praying for the spiritual protection of the President and First Lady.

I confess that I didn't think of that until later, when I did pray that any wounds they may have received would be healed.

God bless them both, and protect them from the attacks of the Evil One!
Uodate: Fox News hated it (surprise!).

A site where you can Thank Stephen Colbert.

And if you really want to read the messages left on Free Republic as it dawned on them what Colbert was doing, I put a link in the comments.

Big And Little

cheney_pym