I.G.O.R., the SUPERFRANKENSTEIN Computer, has blown a cardpunch circuit. Service will resume once repairs are complete.

Cowboys vs. Nazis On Mars in 1952!
[From the Grand Comics Database]

"I Know I'm Human."

The John Carpenter's The Thing Tattoo Gallery is part of Outpost 31, a Thing fansite jam-packed with scripts, screenshots, quotes and history. Plus: info about the upcoming 5th Annual ThingFest! Via Big Dead Place, a website about Antarctica with its own All-Thing Review Section!

Sub-Mariner

Chuck Snyder is a businessman, author, speaker, bible study teacher, counselor and co-chaplain for the Seattle Mariners... If you have a question regarding any kind of relationship problem, he would love to hear from you.

From My Wife is Too Depressed to Make Love:

A wife is only serving herself when she refuses her husband. I'll go another step ... she should be the initiator once in awhile ... whether she feels like it or not. Sex is a man's greatest need. Now, that absolutely blows women away ... especially after marriage. Usually when a woman finds out that our greatest need is sex, her first thought is usually of some kind of animal. God gave men this intense desire and interest to make sure the human race survives, and also to give a married couple the highest ecstasy this life can offer. Sex was God's idea. And He thought long and hard about whether to give Adam or Eve the primary responsibility for this part of marriage. In God's foreknowledge He realized that if He trusted Eve with this important work, she never would have thought about it!

From Boyfriend is not a Christian, But He Loves My Kids:

Sorry to be so abrupt, but you would be in effect telling God to go to hell when you plan on doing something you KNOW is against what He wants for you. Your God must be terribly weak not to be able to bring someone into your life to be your completer and your children's father. Even though you know you should not marry a non-Christian you are going to do it anyway. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but you are playing with fire. No wonder God is not blessing you. How could He do that when you are shaking your fist at Him?

From Help me Out of this Trap:

It sounds like you have bought Satan's lie that some people are born homosexual just like a black baby has no choice of his color and the girl baby has no choice about what sex she is. I think even a casual knowledge of the subject would have to conclude that being black or female is fixed at birth, and homosexuality and lesbianism is a choice. This is very easy for me to say, and SO difficult for you to do...but since homosexuality and lesbianism are choices, then YOU have to make the choice to immediately stop opening yourself up to the thoughts that Satan brings to your mind.

With 33 wins and 41 losses going into today's game, Chuck's Mariners are in last place.

Iraq War Posters
More here and here!

Fuck! Citizen! Kane!

Happy Birthday, Mel
and thanks for turning me on to this masterpiece!

CHRIST SMASH!

Stronger in our commitment to the local church. Stronger to a commitment of integrity and excellence. Stronger in our personal pursuit of Jesus... It's POWER TIME!!!!!!

The Power Team

ZAP! POW! MWAH!

The paintings of Isabel Samaras: some seem to follow a particular theme! Others, not so much!
[Via Prentiss Riddle]

Links Of Fury

Just the hot parts: The XXX-Rated Bible! [Update: I fixed the link! Thanks, Greg!]

A bible, a uterus, and other Fantasy Coffins from Ghana!

Lois Lane eats standing up! [Via Prentiss Riddle]

Fantastic Zoology: Borges' Book Of Imaginary Beings, newly illustrated by students! [Via del.icio.us]

Batman Begins earns the blessing of Adam West!

"What's weird is that sometimes it felt like a balloon. Sometimes it felt like a golf ball. But he could always get it to the plate." Thirty-five years ago this month, Pittsburgh Pirate Dock Ellis threw a no-hitter on LSD! [Via SportsFilter]

"I wouldn't want a gay guy being around me. It's got nothing to do with me being scared."--pitcher Todd Jones. Anti-gay slurs by sports figures!

Christ, that dog's big!

Zap! Pow! Ka-Ching!

$30G for training, a $500 cowl--and that's just for starters! Forbes breaks down the huge amounts of dough Being Batman would set you back! [Via Information Overload]

Be all you that you can be. We bring good things to life. Hart Seely's Ad Slogans That Would Be Perfect for Levitra, But, Unfortunately, They Have Already Been Used, at McSweeney's.

POLL RESULTS: You Decide, We Report

Padme Looks So Beautiful Because... Results
What Is The Most Important News Story In The World? Results

Spider-Man: House Of M #1 goes on sale in comics shops Wednesday. As Mighty Marvel tells it:

Written by MARK WAID & TOM PEYER
Pencils and Cover by SALVADOR LARROCA

A HOUSE OF M SPECIAL EVENT! Meet Spider-Man--hero to the people, champion of the weak and oppressed... and World Wrestling Alliance Championship Titleholder? Peter Parker has it all --respect, fame, and the adoration of all. But he also has a deep, destructive secret that he keeps from the world and from his family--one that could well unravel the reality he knows!

So how many copies you should buy? SEC regulations won't let me say, but between you and me: not too few!

"Holy Jesus!"

Did you know there's a new Bibleman? Did you know there was an old Bibleman?

In [the video release] "A Fight For Faith" the Bibleman tradition continues in high style as Cypher and Biblegirl welcome a new Bibleman, the young and heroic Josh Carpenter, and join forces to battle the wild, Wacky Protestor. As the Bible Adventure Team helps Josh adjust to his new role they must swing into action to stop the wily Protestor from luring the kids of the vacation Bible school into his portal and trapping them in his wacky, animated dimension forever.

Thanks to Bad Dan.

The Seattle Times' intrepid Mark Rahner writes about the enduring appeal of Batman. This time, a member of the mainstream media gets it so right that he even quotes me!

What Would Jesus Suck?

Cross Shaped Suckers from the
Christian Dollar Store!

Welcome back, old friend! [Via WFMU]

The Smoking Batarang

E-mail me for a copy of the video file that proves 60s Batman producer/narrator William Dozier actually uttered the term "grim and gritty!" G&G.mpg 2.84 MB. [Full details below.]

[File Courtesy of Agent Double-4; Illustration: The Bat Pages]

Holy Grim & Gritty!

'Critics have accused this story of giving birth to the era of "grim and gritty" comic books'
-- The Dark Knight Returns entry at Wikipedia.

'Tim Burton later adapted the comic's bleak sensibility for his first "Batman" movie, and since then, countless comics creators have aped the "grim and gritty" milieu.'
-- San Francisco Chronicle

'Overall, a very cool image that suggests Batman Begins will return the franchise to its grim and gritty pre-Schumacher days.
-- FilmForce

'If the original Dark Knight seems almost normal today, it’s because... it set the tone for the wave of “grim and gritty” superhero comics that’s still going on.'
-- Portland Phoenix

'Comic book writers wrestle with his dark, grim and gritty traits while trying to make him a mainstream hero to whom readers can relate.'
--Detroit News

____________
So, to recap the conventional wisdom: Batman sucked until 1986, when people began to describe him with the grown-up sounding "grim and gritty."

Well, I found the earliest known citation of the term as it relates to Batman, and it will shock you. I am not kidding. It's true, I swear. And you'd better be sitting down:

NARRATOR: When last we saw our beleagured battlers, they were slowly sinking in a bitter batter of Riddler quicksand! A grim and gritty end awaits them unless something awfully good happens awfully fast!
-- Batman, A Riddling Controversy, first broadcast February 9, 1967

____________
So, to all of you people who take the Dark Knight oh-so seriously: your very mantra comes from the ADAM WEST TV SHOW! When he was trapped in a GIANT CAKE! HAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry. It's just... HAAAAHAHA! Oh, God!

[Hard evidence here.]

'Batman' Flirts With Decency

God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the fundamentalist web ministry that fights movie smut by describing it in arousing detail--found little to work with in Batman Begins:

Though heavy on violence and drug-related matters, Batman Begins was delightfully lite on sexual matters. The only sexually oriented matters noted were one instance of the use of two women as toys and of Katie Holmes wearing clothing (the filmmakers decide what is worn) which permitted ghosting of anatomy through the clothing. Even the theater owner noticed it...

Still, the hotly anticipated blockbuster deals enough "drunkenness," "riotous behavior" and "uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary" that The Hot Parts Guy can't quite get behind it:

Being a sci-fi fan, I could almost recommend this film as a great Saturday night popcorn flick but the 11 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary and a few other issues prevent me from doing so.

Home Shoppers For Justice

From the QVC (Shopping Network) Community World, News and Views Forum:

Watching and can't wait for this one!!! Another celebrity not guilty????????? We will hear soon.

Well, here we go!!!!

Awaiting the audio....... still waiting.....

I'm watching FOX NEWS...... still waiting....

Hope he is guilty. isn't that awful to say, but I truly think he did it.

The jury is not looking at MJ while the judge reads through the verdict papers. Nancy Grace says that's bad news for MJ.

Well I'm disgusted!

NOT GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS! shadow of a doubt prevails.

I wonder what happened to Nancy, she didn't come back on the air?

I CAN NOT STAND THIS!!!!!!! This is udderly ridiculous.

I don't know what to think. He's going to have a party with a bunch of kids tonight at Neverland-- Nothing will change.

The mills of justice grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly small

As Nancy Grace said on Court TV, I'm eating a Crow Sandwich along with Nancy.

MJ's choice of little boys are and now thanks to the jury, still will be from disfunctional families. EASY TARGETS and can be bought off. He never had a choir boy over for a pajama party

Do I think he is guilty, yes, but that is my opinion. I did see Lisa Presley on a show one time, and she kind of gave the indication he was a pervert.

she is an oddball too, lol. She did admit one time that she married him to aggravate her mother.

Her mother was very strange also. I can't imagine going to live with a man in his 20's as a 14 yr old girl...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree

you are right. Her parents did allow her to live with Elvis when she was 14. Even in Tennessee that would be statutory rape. He did claim he never touched her until she was 18,yea right lol.

I'm going out to mow the lawn in the 100 degree heat. Maybe that will calm me down.

THE JURY WAS STACKED WITH FANS, ODDBALL SINGLE MOTHERS, OLD RETIRED PEOPLE WITHOUT A CLUE AND A COUPLE OF SOCIAL OUTCASTS WITH SOME PHYSICAL DEFORMITIES.

MJ needs to have a sleep over with the good old boys from the Deliverance movie..Bet he wouldn't pick on little boys anymore.

All the talking heads on TV state his guilt, most of us believe it, how can 12 people NOT see it? How is that a system that works.

Russian Christian Science-Fiction Romance

Russian Brides World, serving mail order brides and the men who pay their freight, offers a whole section on my new favorite subject, Christian singles. Here are some links and excerpts from their self-described "pretty collection of dating articles" (emphasis mine).

Love In A Microchip:

The lonely Christian singles who are anxious about searching for their life partners will soon be able to do it with the help of microelectronics. The company "Philips Electronics" is developing the microchip as a brooch or a hairpin, attached to clothes or hair, which will search itself for the necessary person... At a closer distance with another microchip, whose owner has suitable personal data, a pleasant melody will begin to sound. It will tell that there is your possible second half nearby and as the developers speak, will serve as a convenient occasion for acquaintance.

Can Russian Singles Accept American Type Of Family?

The necessary symbol of ideal family there is a jobless wife, a careful, economic mum who meets children from school with fresh domestic cookies. Such mums are still met, but die out as mammoths.

[...]

The American parents treat their offsprings with fawning courtesy what is not expected from one parent - European: "What do you want for breakfast, fruit ringlets or rice balls? And is so much milk enough? Well all right, all right, now I shall pour out from this bowl and I shall pour in a bowl with a bear". The culture focused on children, "Donald Ducks" penetrate into each house, creeps in conversations and is splashed out from TV screens.

[...]

From such cherished, "domestic" children the present Americans - self-confident, vainglorious, quick and cheerful - grow.

Let's take a break. From one of the site's non-Christian quarters, How To Make A Man Marry You:

They say that the best way to force men to make marriage proposals is to become pregnant from him... If he still manages to escape, it is necessary for you to find some other more cheerful variants: either to make abortion if it is not too late or to give birth to the child alone.

Back to Jesus: Christian Singles - Main Rules:

Emancipation of women is not approved by God. If a lady doesn't want to be submissive to a man she contradicts God.

If that sounds like too much to live with, don't forget: Christian Singles Do Not Approve Suicide.

The Stunning Verdict

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Citizen Kane. LSD. MTV2. Once in a generation a new window opens, forever altering the way we see our world. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

...Celebrities Eating Dot Com.

[Via Delenda Est Carthago]

Highway To Heaven

Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex.

Anal Sex in Accordance with God's Will at Sex In Christ. And don't miss Threesomes Within A Christian Marriage.

[Via WFMU]

AIIIEEEEE!

Every Famous Monsters cover! [Via Metafilter]

Boy trouble at the Christian message board:

Well, my boyfriend told me yesterday that he hates church. I want to find a boyfriend that goes to church and is a strong Christian. Just no idea where to find these guys. The only guys that I have found that seemed to have all the qualities I am looking for, were far away from me and we tried long distance relationships. I want to find my husband but I'm getting frustrated.

I'm not trying to push you into anything, but if you happen to click over, and you happen to make a love connection, don't bother to thank me. Just name your first kid SUPERFRANKENSTEIN!

Image: Geraldine and Ricky, from Show and Tell Music

New 'Batman Begins' Photos

Exclusive first look at Jon Voight as Chief O'Hara and Annette Bening as Aunt Harriet.

Two-Bit Team

Why pay $141.00 for a set of 25-cent pieces painted to look like the fourth-place, sub-.500 New York Yankees? Ask the seller:

Baseball fans and analysts all over the country are talking about the high powered athletes that have been acquired by the New York Yankees this off season. Having a potential All-Star at every position is becoming the Yankees unmatched recipe for success. Each and every year they invest in various Superstars in hopes of being a championship contender.

The New York Yankees are destined to have an exciting season. Many baseball experts expect the Yankees to be in the playoffs by season’s end. Yankees’ fans all over the country have been waiting for a group of players such as these to take them deep into the playoffs. The 2005 New York Yankees are without a doubt one of their most talented teams in recent history.

SOLD!
[Thanks to El Duque]

Drawings by children who were abducted by aliens, brought to you by The Man In The Thought Screen Hat. [Via Metafilter]

I Suck

I'm in a fantasy baseball league this year for the first time--and just barely. That's my team, the Seattle Quitters, all the way down in last place. The cellar. The outhouse. Lynn Cheney's boudoir.

It's painful, but the ordeal is teaching me important lessons about baseball, and about life, that I only thought I knew:

• If I do well, everyone notices and they worship me as a genius.

• If I do poorly, everyone notices and they revile me as a moron.

• Ballplayers exist only to disappoint me.

• When they get hurt, they do it on purpose, because they hate me.

Take Clint Barmes, a rookie shortstop for the Rockies and one of the few Quitter hitters who is not strictly a bum. He injured his collarbone Sunday night carrying a bag of fucking groceries up a flight of fucking stairs. But young bones heal, and he'll be back... in three fucking months!

Barmes was a front-runner for the NL Rookie of the Year award. No more. So much potential glory, wasted in some random mishap... seems senseless, doesn't it? Not at all. Tragedy struck Clint Barmes for a logical, discernible, demonstrable reason.

It's because I suck!

Nice Mouth

"When Cage gets MAD, he can cut loose with a stream of EXPLETIVES that lasts THREE HOURS and never REPEATS itself!" [Hero For Hire #8, April 1973]

"MOTHER OF--!" [Hero For Hire #1]

"MOTHERLESS FREAKIN' SCUM!" [Hero For Hire #6]

"Eat DIRT, man!" [Hero For Hire #7]

"JIVE-TALKIN', FREAKIN', MOTHERLESS CANDIDATE FOR THE PSYCHO HATCH!!" [Hero For Hire #8]

"You piece o' CRUD!"" [Ibid.]

"YOU MOTHERLESS MAGGOT-RIDDEN CHUNK OF STEAMIN'--" [Hero For Hire #13]

"Of all the freakin', mother-lovin' CRUD!" [Power Man #17]

"DOUBLE-CRUD!" [Ibid.]

"Holeeee CHRISTMAS!" [Power Man #19]

"SWEET JUMPIN' SISTER!" [Power Man #22]

"HOLY SPIT!" [Ibid.]

"HOLY MAMA!" [Power Man #23]

"CRIPES!" [Power Man #27]

I love my copy of Essential Luke Cage.

Jesus Christ Almighty

Whoa. A few posts down, I got so caught up with those Jesus Fetishizes The American Flag paintings that I didn't even notice the best one. It took a thoughtful comment from The Pickytarian to direct my attention to this masterpiece, in which The Christ calmly watches over nuclear annihilation.

Seduction Of The Innocent

Painter Dave Devries renders real children's drawings of monsters and super-heroes. [Via MonkeyFilter]

Bless This Mess

Christian art with a bonus message: USA! USA!

The King Of Pop inspires some wonderful children's art.

John Layman has written a thought-provoking work of film criticism.

The Italian coffin manufacturer Cofani Funebri's insane calendar! Plus: "coffin maker's workshop" scented soap! [Via Incoming Signals]

MA AND PA KENT SEX ROLE SHOCK! [Via]

String Him Up

Pope Benedict XVI Lantern Party String Lights at eBay!