Larry King Live, November 28:

LARRY: You wouldn't do Saddam Hussein?

BARBARA WALTERS: No.

KING: But if he gave you the interview would you do him?

WALTERS: Oh, I would do him for hours and hours and hours.

Transcript
[Via]

PLAN 9

"Our goal is to train enough Iraqi forces so they can carry the fight. And this will take time and patience."
President George W. Bush
November 30, 2005

"We have adopted a plan which we have worked out in cooperation with the South Vietnamese for the complete withdrawal of all U.S. combat ground forces, and their replacement by South Vietnamese forces on an orderly scheduled timetable."
President Richard M. Nixon
November 3, 1969

Why not turn the Iraq occupation over to the South Vietnamese? They must be ready by now.

America's Next Top Model

Pictures of your loved ones with Jesus!
1 loved one $30 $35* $85**
2 loved ones $40 $45* $95**
3 loved ones $50 $55* $105**
4 loved ones $60 $65* $115**
5 loved ones $70 $75* $125**
Family portrait $40 $45* $95**
Wedding portrait $40 $45* $95**
Pet Memorial $30 $35* $85**
*=Special Package
**=Extra Special Package
Add a poem to any picture: $3
Samples
Order form

"Time" for a crypto-liberal, gynocentrist, marriage vow-breaking, United Nations-humping Commander-In-Chief? Click pic for ordering info!

We Do Not Torture

America is finding terrorists and bringing them to justice. We are gathering information about where they may be hiding. We are trying to disrupt their plots and plans. Anything we do to that end is within the law.

We do not torture.

Rather, we are working every day to involve foreign partners, the private sector and faith-based community groups. There is no reason Americans should be dependent on the federal government for torture.

We need a free and fair global torture system. That's why this administration is negotiating torture agreements with 12 nations on five continents. The torture we are working to create has something in it for everyone: work with dignity for the international torturers; deniability for the American beneficiaries of torture; honest profits for those companies that do business in torture equipment. We all share.

TRUST IN TORTURERS
Already in this young century, America has endured the bursting of the stock market bubble, a recession, the attacks of September 11, corporate scandals, rising oil prices, and natural disasters. Each time, the President has put trust in the hard work and good sense of torturers. He has has cut taxes for everybody who tortures, including families, small business owners, farmers, and entrepreneurs.

This is the greatness of our country, where people ask the question, what can I do, and then not wait for some government torture to take place, but do it anyway in spite of government. Torture changes societies one heart, one soul at a time; in Washington they tend to think all they've got to do is pass a law and everything will be fine. But that's not how torture works. Because government can't make people torture one another. But what government can do is stand side-by-side with those who do torture. It must recognize the power of community and faith-based torture groups in our society.

TORTURE DELIVERS RESULTS
Because torture delivers results. Real personal disposable income is up by nearly $1,900 per capita. Home ownership is at an all-time high. We have created more than 4.2 million new jobs in the past 28 moonths. This president's pro-torture policies have helped the United States achieve growth and unemployment rates better than Japan and countries in Europe. Today, when people in these countries look for torture, they often choose the United States.

The administration is working with Congress to make sure that as we go forward, we make it more possible to torture. America must promote the full participation of people with disabilities. Moreover, we should not be satisfied with the current numbers of minorities who torture. Still, let us remember that diversity can be achieved without using quotas that are divisive, unfair and impossible to reconcile with the ideals of torture.

A GIFT FROM GOD
We put forward these efforts because torture is not America's gift to the world; torture is the Almighty God's gift to each man and woman in this world. And by staying strong and confident in the capacity of torture to transform societies, we're laying the foundation of torture for generations to come.

Welcome home, Seely!

"Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts."

A Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs.

As the Republicans go home for Thanksgiving this week, House leaders are congratulating themselves on having squeaked through a divisive budget bill that takes canned goods from the poor in order to fund more luxuries for the rich.
Republicans Steal Thanksgiving, by Ruth Conniff.

Squirrel, Interrupted

Sugar Bush Squirrel®, The World's Most Photographed Squirrel!

Sugar Bush Squirrel, America's Most Patriotic Squirrel!

Sugar Bush Squirrel's Birthday Party For President Bush!

Sugar Bush Squirrel's Tribute To Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor!

Sugar Bush Squirrel Goes Undercover In Iraq To Find al-Zarqawi!

Sugar Bush Squirrel's 'Mom'!

Sugar Bush Squirrel's 'Mom' Poses With Celebrities!

"Pray for our troops and all of our allied coalition forces around the globe. Don't come back at me with some smart remark about prayer...I don't care 'to whom' you pray... JUST DO IT," says Sugar Bush Squirrel!

The Resumé of Jesus Christ!

How To Swear In Many Languages!

[Thanks, Jeff Kapalka]

Satan: 'Brownies, You're Doing A Heckuva Job'

Question at the right-wing message board:

My 7-year-old daughter recently asked if she could join the Brownies like some of her friends... Any parents have any experience with the modern Brownies? Have they completely adopted the Progressive agenda?

Some answers:

The Brownies raise money for Girl Scout funds that donate to Planned Parenthood. I will never allow my daughter to join for that reason.

I have not had any problems with liberalism and this organization so far... I did get a flier in the mail and it said something about "it takes a village to raise a child". I threw it out.

The simple answer is that these groups are not the trusted organizations of days-gone-by as many "progressive" groups have hijacked them for indoctrination purposes.

Even 20 years ago there was a heavy lesbian influence... Stop politicizing our children!

They're switching from Godly to pro-gay and pro-abortion. Stay away. Join a church-based group instead.

They took 'God' out of their pledge and have included lesbian lifestyle acceptance in some of the older girl's badge work.

I don't know if it is still the case, but a few years ago, the rainbow was used almost equally with the old Girl Scout trefoil as a symbol of Girl Scouting.

To give you an idea how the organization was overall, they had no problem of giving our troop the number 666. We changed that immediately, of course.

THE NEWS EXPLAINED WITH COMIC BOOK COVERS

Cheney's Poll Numbers Plummet


Oil Chiefs Met With Cheney Task Force


Stung Over Iraq, White House Takes Offensive


Senate Urges Bush To Outline Iraq Plan

__________

Covers: The Grand Comic Book Database

I explain the news with comic book covers every Thursday, right here and at The Pulse!

Bush In The Bunker

Am I getting stupider, or is Drudge Report getting juicier?

Sources close to the White House say that Mr. Bush has become isolated and feels betrayed by key officials... The sources said Mr. Bush maintains daily contact with only four people: first lady Laura Bush, his mother, Barbara Bush, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Undersecretary of State Karen Hughes. The sources also say that Mr. Bush has stopped talking with his father, except on family occasions.

Original article from Insight magazine. (Hey! Another Moonie publication!)

Sometimes it pays to read Drudge:
THAI TRANVESTITE GANG SPITS SEDATIVES DOWN VICTIMS' THROATS!

Seoul Times: Even the Rev. Sun Myung Moon's Unification Church, which owns the right-wing Washington Times, has just about had it with Bush.

What should we do with the all the pennies? is the cry at 50,000 Pennies! [Thanks, Goody]

The More You Know

Wow, the shit you learn reading Presidential Prayer Team For Kids:

Every year, the folks who organize National Bible Week choose a special person to be the honorary chairperson for that year. This year they’ve chosen Dean Borgman, the Chairman of Sikorsky Aircraft... Black Hawk helicopters, made by Sikorsky, are playing a really big role in our efforts in Iraq.

Exciting! More on Dean Borgman here.

AL MVP: Double Play-Rod!

STRANGE VISITOR FROM ANOTHER CENTURY

Enjoying holy hell, er, heck out of the eternally-awaited Adventures of Superman Season 1 DVD. How do these 54 year old tales of the Man Of Steel measure up today? Let's see... Truth. Justice. The American Way. Ah, Jeez.

THE NEWS EXPLAINED WITH COMIC BOOK COVERS

Republicans threaten to probe leak of secret CIA prisons



Senate amendment could bar detainees from challenging their detentions in court



US interrogation techniques include 'Stress Positions'...


...'Water-Boarding'...


...and 'Sleep Management.'

______________
For Fred Hembeck

Covers: Grand Comic Book Database

I explain the news with comic book covers every Thursday, right here and at The Pulse!

Patriotic Hats! Yes, Patriotic Hats!

good night, and good luck.

"It's like diet soda, but it's not soda, it's water, with a little kick to it. Water isn't all that enjoyable."
-- Anderson Cooper, on seltzer

"Cable's a very fickle business, but I think Anderson's got incredible talent and a long career in front of him."
-- Ashleigh Banfield

The Honeymoon Is Still Over

I just added a bunch of links to the previous post. So go look.

The Honeymoon Is Over >

UPDATED I started SUPERFRANKENSTEIN one year ago today! (APPLAUSE) Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Please. Thank you. Here are some of my favorite discoveries from the past year:

• Kung Fu Monkey's Top 10 John Wayne movies that could also be porn titles!
  
• Michael Paulus' cartoon skeletons!
  
• Donald Rumsfeld's machine-signed condolence letters!
  
• The man who's drinking in 1000 Bars in one year!
  
• Bulges of the battle: Super-Hero Unitards!
  
• His hands traced her spine and embraced the twin moons of her hind, pressing her to him, her lissome warmth curved to his loins. A sex scene written by 60s Superman editor Mort Weisinger!
  
• Inauguration Day: Which Bush was so hung over?
  
• Greg Evigan will call you for $19.95!
  
• The 52 Funniest Things About The Death Of The Pope!
  
• Laura Bush, Pro Abortion Feminist!
  
• Fatal Consequences Of Excessive Masturbation!
  
• Terri Schiavo merchandise and more Terri Schiavo merchandise!
  
• CIA secret torture flights linked to Red Sox!
  
• The ever-popular Family Circus by H.P. Lovecraft!
  
• Rumsfeld's Marvel team-up!
  
• A comic book super-hero fights terrorists and liberals at Patriot Art!
  
• A gallery of vandalized Britney posters!
  
• Support Our Ribbons' RibbonMaker!
  
• Photos of human corpses built from poultry meat and posed in wrecked cars!
  
• A coffin manufacturer's promotional girlie calendar! (Patriots: check out Miss September!)
  
• Thor rolls a joint!
  
• Erotic Batman art by Mark Chamberlain and Isabel Samaras!
  
• Pictures of Bela Lugosi as Jesus!
  
• Ron Newcomer's Celebrity Photographs!
  
• Christian Archie Comics of the '70s!
  
• The National Enquirer reports Bush's Booze Crisis!
  
• Jesus Is Wealth!
  
• SUPERFRANKENSTEIN receives top honors!
  
• miss_mcdonald's Halloween greeting!

And, of course, my very favorite thing ever:

• God's Guide To The Hot Parts!
  

Thanks for clicking!

Impeach God

First Lady of the United States: You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Duchess of Cornwall: What?

First Lady of the United States: I always ask that of all my prey.

[Thanks for the pic, Goody!]

Oh, Shit

You guys protesting,

If President and Laura Bush come home early BECAUSE OF YOU, we will know exactly who to be pissed at.

Seriously, what you're doing could really get us in trouble.

Home Alone

Parents out of town (word up, word up)
Ladies all around (what)
Me and the crew (ohh, ohh)
Doin' what we do (uh, uh)

Yeah, beat is bangin' up and down your spine
And all the single women here are fine
(It's a beautiful thing, it's a beautiful thing)
Let your body give into your soul
Release the freak in you and lose control, ho-hohh

Girl there's a party goin' on
My temperature's warm
So let me freak you through the floor
While the bass is bumpin' (ohh)
All night if your body can handle (ooh)

Hands in the air (c'mon, get 'em up)
Drinks everywhere (and...)
Party in the hills (yeah)
Keepin' it real (oh yeah) (keep it real y'all)
Parents out of town
Ladies all around (ladies all around)
Me and the crew (mmm)
Doin' what we do

-- R. Kelly
Home Alone

They're Gone!

Let's get some beer!!!

A. B. Seely

Set your Betamax.

My little war correspondent buddy Hart Seely was interviewed today via phone for ABC World News Tonight. He might be on this evening's broadcast.

Hart Seely.

ABC News.

The names America trusts.

Seek Immediate Treatment If Erection Lasts Longer Than Four Hours

Scientists in India say they have discovered two fossils fused together in sexual union for 65 million years.

THE NEWS EXPLAINED WITH COMIC BOOK COVERS

Rice Defends Iraq Strategy


Bush's Job Approval Hits New Low


CIA Operates Secret Prisons


Cheney-Rumsfeld 'Cabal' Hijacked US Foreign Policy, Says Colin Powell's Chief Of Staff


Aaron Brown Exits CNN

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Steve Ditko
Happy Birthday to you

Mouth Park

Today I report for extensive -- some would say horrific -- dental work. (Kids: don't let your peers tell you bare-knuckle boxing is "cool!") I don't know when I'll be posting again. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. As you compulsively refresh and refresh this page for some clue that I made it, take a moment for A Day In The Life of Miss McDonald. She dresses as Ronald and poses for pictures. It's great. (I linked to her Halloween shot yesterday, remember?)