God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the web ministry that fights Hollywood smut with prurient gibberish--has finally posted some licentious new movie reviews. Some people say The Hot Parts Guy has a dirty mind. I don't know. But if you have a dirty mind, here are his latest (I paraphrase:) recommendations. If your hot parts respond to (I quote:)
• camera angle to force viewer on how short a skirt wasand
• "I don't care what they do to me" attitude
• "gay" kissyou'll want to run at top speed to Racy--er, Racing Stripes! But if you're more likely to be turned on by
• adult male baring his posterior before surprise party guests, including his daughters, and other kidsand
• open mouth kissing
• below navel skin - male, in refrigerator pinup photosthen what are you sitting alone for? Get In Good Company! If your "final frontier" looks more like
• offer of sex (by "Commander Uhura" no less!)and
• crotch hit and kick
• inappropriate touch of man by woman (also by "Commander Uhura" no less)beam yourself over to Are We There Yet? at Warp Factor Nine! Finally, if you find satisfaction in
• man and woman making out with display of mounting ecstasyand
• adult male showing atypical interest in girl child
• taking prescription drugs with alcoholyou're looking for Hide And Seek!
On behalf of perverts, peepers, pill-poppers, Trekkies and spaced-out swingers of all stripe, thank you, Hot Parts Guy, and keep up the sexy work!