TOMORROW: THE SHOCKING CONCLUSION!
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 12:28
All-time great Marvel Comics inker/swell guy Joltin' Joe Sinnott broke his right shoulder--that's his drawing arm--in four places on St. Patrick's Day. His son Mark, writing on their website, reports that Joe won't need surgery, but adds:
Needless to say, Joe will not be able to draw the Spider-man Sunday strip at this time or do any other drawing or autographs for some time as he has physical therapy to endure after the healing process. Let's all wish Joe a speedy recovery. Please feel free to e-mail him with get well wishes (firstname.lastname@example.org) or send a card or letter to P.O. Box 406, Saugerties, NY 12477. I am sure that hearing from his fans will help ease his pain.Get well soon, Joe!
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 18:07
The auction calls it a "Christian" T-shirt, but you could read it two ways.
Elsewhere on eBay: Terri Schiavo Model Thunderbird. ("Do not be fooled....this is surely the one and only Schiavo Edition Thunderbird in the ENTIRE WORLD!!") Warning: nightmarish photo.
God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the web ministry that fights Hollywood indecency by describing it deliciously sinful detail--reviews Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous and finds:
• admission of immoral sexHe said "gamming."
• crotch hit
• attention to posterior
• sexual innuendo, repeatedly, such as implying ease of flotation due to anatomy
• excessive cleavage
• inappropriate touch
• suggestions, mannerisms, inferences stereotypical of practicing homosexuality, repeatedly, frequent
• transvestism, repeatedly, in drag bar
• sexual humor
From The Hot Parts Guy's review of Guess Who:
A little trivia here. There was interracial kissing in Guess Who. Even in the 1967 Guess Who's Coming to Dinner there was no interracial kiss. Such was not done. Not until the Star Trek sci-fi icon William Shatner as Captain Kirk and the grande and lovely Nichelle Nichols as communications officer Lt. Uhura locked lips in a 1968 Star Trek episode, Plato's Stepchildren. I have it on tape.Pant, pant, pant, rewind. Pant, pant, pant, rewind. Pant, pant, pant...
Jesus Christ, that dog is big.
Posted by Mustang at 14:15
John: I don't know ... Ethel was a stripper working a mercenary bar in Central America, maybe an opium den/whorehouse in the Phillipines. Marrying Fred was her ticket out and to respectability. Hence her street smarts and sass.Kung Fu Monkey improves I Love Lucy, threatens fanfic.
Tyrone: (beat) Are you pitching the "Ethel Mertz Working a Donkey Show in Tijuana" backstory?
Posted by Mustang at 10:59
Lavish family meals of roadkill politely eaten around a pool table. A pig watching television. Doorbell-ringing ghosts. Two handymen, brothers, one of whom is a woman. Strange unchewable foods, all made from "hotscakes." Sitcom characters gaping in wonder at onscreen credits. Paul Henning, visionary creator of the Beverly Hillbillies/Petticoat Junction/Green Acres Universe--TV's Paradiso/Purgatorio/Inferno--died Friday at the age of 93.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 12:28
One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen
Family Circus by H.P. Lovecraft (obviously; shut up, Tom).
The brainchild of this brilliant person.
UPDATE NOV 29 05: Sorry, they're gone.
UPDATE NOV 30 05: The excellent Accordion Guy has them.
Posted by Mustang at 00:25
How did I miss this? America Online, another great Hart Seely piece, ran in Saturday's New York Times:
It's harder than ever to tell the difference between authentic news and government propaganda. But since 2003, the Bush administration has been able to bypass the media filter and go directly to the public through Ask the White House, its online interactive forum. Here, everyday folks interrogate top government officials on key issues of the day. And nobody ducks the tough questions. Consider these excerpts from the archives.It goes on. Click for more.
"Can you salsa dance?" ("Danny" to Mel Martinez, secretary of housing and urban development, Oct. 2, 2003)
"Can you dunk a basketball?" ("Jon" to James B. Comey, deputy attorney general, July 15, 2004)
"In your picture, you are wearing red. Does that mean you like Spider-Man?" ("Andy" to Margaret Spellings, assistant to the president for domestic policy, May 14, 2004.)
"Has anyone ever said to you, 'You're such a card,' without knowing your last name in advance?" ("Monty" to Andy Card, White House chief of staff, Aug. 12, 2004)
Ask The White House
Monday, March 28, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 22:24
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 11:23
Starbuck's put quotations on their coffee cups. But the St. Petersburg Times says "Some conservatives are angered by opinionated quotes" like :
"America's national debt is now $7.5-trillion, and it's skyrocketing, even as America's population ages. There will never be a better time to start paying off this crippling debt than today." -- Denis Hayes, environmentalist.Doesn't that piss you off?
Yvette Nunez, a 27-year-old Republican from Tampa, said she hadn't noticed the quotes on her weekly caramel machiattos. On "tall" cups, the text is obscured by a cardboard sleeve.Read it, Yvette. Defecit... American population... crippling debt... now, doesn't that piss you off?
"There are a lot of great conservative quotes, but oh well," she said. "I'm not surprised. I'm used to being under-represented."Her party controls all three branches of government and Yvette Nunez feels "underrepresented."
Friday, March 25, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 12:18
More Schiavo merchandise:
Terri Schiavo As Joan Of Arc Cufflinks $9.95
Euthanasia term paper citing Schiavo case in sales pitch. $69.95
Save Terri Schiavo Italian Charm $5.99
Always Err On The Side Of Life Beer Stein $15.50
Terri Schiavo.com Domain Name Current bid: $355.00
Posted by Mustang at 00:38
Our plush bear is a cutie in his own message-bearing t-shirt and festive red ribbon. He’s a great gift for Valentine’s Day, baby showers, birthdays, get well-wishes, a pair of wedding bears, or any reason you dream up. Put a smile on someone’s face. Just grin and bear it!If that's a little too chipper, you might prefer a Tote Bag, T-Shirt, Mug or Throw Pillow ($14.99 and up).
* Soft plush fur
* 11 inches tall
* Red bow and t-shirt included
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 12:38
How desperate have user defections made a certain planet-sized internet service provider? They sent me an e-mail last night saying that my March payment didn't go through, and if I wanted to avoid a service interruption I should call them right away. So I called this morning, and here's the upshot of what they had to say to me: because I'm "such a good customer," they gave me a free month.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 13:46
Assorted Street Posters @ UbuWeb
272 Desert Island Cartoons [Via]
Things we don't see Daredevil do anymore... @ Progressive Ruin. PLUS! Scroll down for a shocking SUPERGIRL image! [Thanks for pointing this out, Stuart! Now quit dickin' around on the internet and bring back Ronnie Raymond!]
Candles that smell like Jesus, and you can buy them and light the candles and the candles smell like Jesus.
“When I smelled the candle, I knew it was something special.”Customer Comments on candles that smell like Jesus
- Vermillion, SD retailer
“They smell very pleasant. It’s not overpowering. It’s really nice… I think they’ll be very popular.”
- Anchor’s comments on KELO TV, Sioux Falls, SD
New Yorker spot illustrations go sequential [NY Times] "Starting with the magazine's 80th anniversary issue last month, those quirky illustrations - known as spots to the magazine's staff - have been quietly unspooling through each issue like minimalist silent films, sharing a running theme or even telling microstories."
Special bonus afterthought: Thanks to everyone who links to SUPERFRANKENSTEIN!
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 12:08
Screenwriter John Rogers patches things up with the comics world apres Catwoman with a tense and amusing team-up with artist Andy Kuhn in the upcoming ZOMBIE TALES #1. Nice pacing. Neat twist. The best zombie story title since this one.
To read the 7-page story before anyone else, go to Kung Fu Monkey. Click down Previous Posts. But don't peek ahead or zombies will kill you.
Posted by Mustang at 01:34
Michele Zipp, fired from the magazine Playgirl soon after publicly identifying herself as a Republican, takes her case to the Fourth Estate:
"Hello Drudge,If Zipp believes that--and I'm not convinced--she has it all wrong.
"After your coverage of my article about coming out and voting Republican, I did receive many letters of support from fellow Republican voters, but it was not without repercussions. Criticism from the liberal left ensued. A few days after the onslaught of liberal backlash, I was released from my duties at Playgirl magazine.
"After underlings expressed their disinterest of working for an outed Republican editor, I have a strong suspicion that my position was no longer valued by Playgirl executives. I also received a phone call from a leading official from Playgirl magazine, in which he stated with a laugh, "I wouldn't have hired you if I knew you were a Republican.
"I just wanted to let you know of the fear the liberal left has about a woman with power possessing Republican views."
No one denies the existence of fetishists who want--even need--their pornography to be administered by Republicans. That's their legitimate right, and society has no business depriving them.
But a pornographer of Zipp's professional accomplishments surely knows that the very idea makes most people gag.
Playgirl, like Drudge, is a respected voice in the mainstream. If its officers and shareholders ever decide to slash profits and circulation by pandering to a tiny fringe of deficit freaks and feeding-tube fetishists, the magazine should welcome the talented Zipp back with open legs.
Of course, most pornography companies would rather make money.
Forget about morals and politics; this case boils down to simple economics. The sexually moderate American majority will never be turned on by anything neo- or pre-emptive. Kudos to the porno publishers for recognizing that. For now, barring another Republican infiltration, we can all go back to enjoying the latest Playgirl over lunch---without having to race to the puke-bucket.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 18:05
Yes, I would make this up. No, I didn't. From Knight-Ridder Tribune Newspapers, via Common Dreams:
(KRT) - Last June, the Boston Red Sox chartered an executive jet to help their manager make a quick visit home in the midst of the team's championship season.And:
But what was the very same Gulfstream - owned by one of the Red Sox's partners, but presumably without the team's logo on its fuselage - doing in Cairo on Feb. 18, 2003?
Perhaps by coincidence, Feb. 18, 2003, was the day an Islamic preacher known as Abu Omar, who had been abducted in Italy the previous day and forced aboard a small plane, also arrived at the Cairo airport.
Omar, whose given name is Osama Nasr Mostafa Hassan, was imprisoned by the Egyptians and, he claims, brutally tortured...
Between June 2002 and January of this year, the Gulfstream made 51 visits to Guantanamo, Cuba, site of the U.S. naval base where more than 500 terrorism suspects are behind bars.Time to hate the Red Sox again.
During the same period, the plane recorded 82 visits to Washington's Dulles International Airport as well as landings at Andrews Air Force Base outside the capital and the U.S. air bases at Ramstein and Rhein-Main in Germany.
The plane's flight log also shows visits to Afghanistan, Morocco, Dubai, Jordan, Italy, Japan, Switzerland, Azerbaijan and the Czech Republic.
Egypt, Afghanistan, Jordan and Morocco are among the countries to which the United States is known to have "rendered" terrorism suspects. Under the increasingly controversial practice of "rendition," terrorism suspects arrested abroad have been forcibly returned to their native countries for interrogation, sometimes with methods that are precluded by U.S. law.
BRADENTON, Fla. -- Phillip H. Morse, a minority partner of the Boston Red Sox, confirmed yesterday that his private jet has been chartered to the CIA and said he was aware that it had been flown to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, where more than 500 terrorism suspects are held, as well as other overseas destinations.Boston Globe.
Come back, Yankees. All is forgiven.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 19:37
This answers the question, "When exactly did AMAZING SPIDER-MAN as a series go completely to HELL?" No-it WASN'T when John Romita stopped inking. It WASN'T when Gwen Stacy was murdered (which, after all these years, it turned out it was John Romita's...idea). And no-it WASN'T even when Stan Lee stopped writing "his" main character!!! NO!!! It was when GIL KANE started DRAWING the [darn] book, THAT'S when!!! Kane's people are UGLY, his anatomy is AWKWARD, and his storytelling has NO sense of fun or humor about it at ALL!!! Most of these I'd never read before, and I got the book mainly because it was a CHEAP way to fill these huge gaping holes in my Spidey collection. MY GOD!! Reading these is like watching the 6th season of HUNTER. Sure, Dee Dee McCall was still there, but the whole tone, balance and focus of the show had gone terribly astray, thanks to Fred Dryer's massive ego getting in the way.Well, that took an unexpected turn. There's more at Amazon. Scroll down to the review called GIL KANE's Spider-Man. Important: Both Stuart and I know how great Gil Kane was, so please don't defend him to us.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 14:04
Comics fans, when I was explaining about baseball in the previous post, I forgot to add one thing. When politicians and Major League Baseball executives argue about steroids, they're talking about Super-Soldier Serum.
The only difference:
Mark McGwire maybe shoots juice, hits a lot home runs, and Congress makes him cry.
Steve Rogers definitely shoots juice, hits a lot of Nazis, and not only are there no consequences but he actually gets to star in an anti-drug comic book!
Posted by Mustang at 00:28
Footnote for Baseball Fans: Home Run King Asterisk Roundup:
McGwire* and Bonds*=Steroids. More games per season than Babe Ruth.
Roger Maris*=More games per season than Babe Ruth.
Babe Ruth*=Racial segregation.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 01:04
Classy and naughty .... These solid black panties have a Baphomet on the front. These "Classic Girl" panties have been stated as the most comfortable panties ever worn by some Female CoS Members. Imagine being out in public walking amongst the herd, none of them knowing what lies beneath your zipper!Church Of Satan Emporium
Price: $ 12.66
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Monday, March 14, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 12:17
ADAM WEST IS PLAYING BATMAN AGAIN!!! ADAM WEST IS PLAYING BATMAN AGAIN!!! in Batman: New Times, a LEGO animation. A preview is up at the site; I'd tell you how it is, but for some reason I.G.O.R., the SUPERFRANKENSTEIN computer, won't play it. Damn you, I.G.O.R.!
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 17:13
God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the web ministry that crusades against indecent movie content by describing it and describing it and describing it to a ferocious climax--didn't object to much in its review of Robots. But a mind as swingin' as The Hot Parts Guy's will naturally detect hot parts everywhere. So don't miss Robots if you've got a thing for:
• anatomical suggestion humorAs provocative as "transsexual suggestion" sounds, HPG warns that the cartoon really earned its PG in his scientifically thinked-out Impudence/Hate category:
• transsexual suggestion
• posterior humor
• suggestion of immodesty
• three uses of the three/four letter word vocabularyFor once, lovers of "posterior humor" and those who prefer "posterior in face humor" agree: Robots has something for everyone!
• social status insults
• posterior in face humor
• crude humor
• toilet humor
• flatulence, repeatedly
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Friday, March 11, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 15:15
Updating the previous post about an old internet message board where swingers with conservative taste swapped pictures of Fox News anchors they felt were "hot."
I found something. I don't know if it's the same people or not. But it would have to be, wouldn't it? Anyway, just to prove I'm not hallucinating, I give you Fox News Foxes. Excuse me, the former Fox News Foxes:
JUST A NOTE: THIS SITE WILL SOON BE CHANGED TO BABES R US! THIS IS DUE TO THE LESS LEG BEING SHOWN ON FOX NEWS CHANNEL AS OF LATE AND HAVING IT CALLED FOX NEWS FOXES IS KINDA DUMB!You heard it here: "the less leg" is being shown on Fox News. Does Romenesko know about this?
Posted by Mustang at 13:25
I wish I could find this message board again; I'm afraid it doesn't exist anymore. These guys would actually post screen captures of Fox News anchorwomen, and type messsages about how "hot" these women are. They even had close-ups of legs and shoes. I guess there's a place on the internet for everyone, even stalkers who are fed up with liberals and like their targets fair and balanced. This is the shot I kept, for Jerry and his kids.
Posted by Mustang at 09:46
U.S. first lady Laura Bush joins radical feminists in observing International Women's Day at the U.N.This week, I've been pretending that I'm really right wing and I think Laura Bush is a liberal traitor (scroll down). I thought I was being cute and far-fetched. Then I found the real thing here and here.
I'm more convinced than ever. Radical feminist/UN sympathizer Laura Bush is trying to destroy this country. And her husband is letting her. (That's the part I can't figure out!)
By the way, if you've had trouble leaving comments... sorry. Blogger has been having an episode. I couldn't post anything yesterday morning. It's happened before; if things haven't returned to Status-Q by now, they should soon.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 16:06
The best place to talk about comics with people who are already drinking when you get up in the morning--because they're eight time zones ahead--is back in our lives after a week's absence. We won't ask what it was doing. We'll just go on as if nothing happened.
Posted by Mustang at 13:34
Here's a picture of your wife playing footsie with the United Nations, Mr. President. If you didn't know about this, sir, I hate to be the one to break it to you. But I think you'll agree, things have gone too far. We know The First Lady loves liberals and foreigners, and we assume she loves you and your children, but you've never told us, Mr. President...
How does your wife feel about America?
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 11:09
Why is First Lady Laura Bush laughing with liberal media icon Dan Rather? And what could they be laughing about? Terrorism? Abortion? The impending collapse of Social Security?
President Bush, how do you expect to dominate the Middle East if you can't control your own wife?
And isn't that the same dress she wore to the proclamation signing? (Scroll down.) Jesus, Laura! You're the God damned First Lady! Act like it! Christ!
Posted by Mustang at 00:06
Young Dan Rather: Self-glamorizing inspiration for ensuing Geraldos.
Anchor Dan Rather: Creepy wax figure of a journalist; couldn't even prove Bush went A.W.O.L.
Today's Dan Rather: Done-er than a polecat in an outhouse full of moonshiners.
I'll miss you, funny Dan.
Photo: The Gross Family.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 01:01
You probably heard that, after some unpleasantness, the NFL now permits "GAY" on its official souvenir jerseys (they had actually ruled it an obscenity; neither gay people nor people named Gay were flattered by this).
BUT did you know that the NFL crap-merchants still specifically forbid 1,159 of the best words?
[Parents Strongly Cautioned: You don't like these words.]
Posted by Mustang at 00:01
First Lady Laura Bush looks on as President George W. Bush signs a proclamation making Tuesday, March 8, 2005 a National Day Of Taking Money Away From Old People And Sick People And Giving It To Wall Street. "The President is asking the citizens of our Nation to pray, each according to his or her own faith, for trillions of dollars to flow from the elderly and infirm to the rich in the coming year," said Mrs. Bush. (AFP/White House/File/Susan Sterner)
Monday, March 07, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 13:00
IT'S not too soon for Hollywood to start thinking about next year's Oscar ceremony - and if the producers want another outrageous, hard-edged host in the style of Chris Rock, they need look no further than Washington. Vice President Dick Cheney can do the job, as evidenced by White House transcripts, which faithfully note his comedic genius...Dick Cheney, Stand-Up Comic by Hart Seely, at the New York Times.
[Resistration or BugMeNot]
Posted by Mustang at 01:45
The Fatal Consequences of Excessive Masturbation, described by the "well-renowned experts" at someplace called Herballove. [Via]
P.S.: Did they tell this guy they were going to run his picture on a site about
"excessive masturbation?" I'd say that makes him "well-renowned," and possibly an "expert." He could even end up a beloved advertising mascot, like Tony The Tiger or Arby's Oven Mitt. I think he needs a name, and "Mr. Goodwrench" is taken. Any ideas?
Posted by Mustang at 00:40
First Lady Laura Bush looks on as President George W. Bush signs a proclamation making Monday, March 7, 2005 a National Day Of Torture. "The President is asking the citizens of our Nation to pray, each according to his or her own faith, for appropriate measures of electrical current, sleep deprivation and sexual humiliation in the coming year," said Mrs. Bush. (AFP/White House/File/Susan Sterner)
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 15:17
(A CUSTOMER steps up to a video-store counter with a stack of videos.)Who's On First? by Chris Gavaler. [Via]
CASHIER: Hi. Did you find everything you wanted?
CUSTOMER: (Handing over membership card.) Yes, thanks. (Pause.) When is this one due back?
CASHIER: The day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: Yeah, when's it due back?
CASHIER: The day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: Yes. The Day After Tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: Right. When's it due back?
CASHIER: The day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: I mean the movie. The Day After Tomorrow. When is it due?
CASHIER: Oh! I get it. That's funny. You thought I meant—right, OK. It's due the day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: The Day After Tomorrow is due the day after tomorrow?
CUSTOMER: And Before Sunset?
CASHIER: Anytime before 10.
Roadrunner's Diary by Jeff Steinbrink.
Up early. Ran like hell. No sign of coyote. Ate. Fidgeted. Ran like hell.
Up early. Ran (speed work). Trompe l'oeil master class, 10 to noon...
Both at McSweeney's.
Bonus Genius: Click on "comments" and read what El Duque wrote.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 21:58
Purgatory. The Phantom Zone.The list continues at Jesus Vs. Superman by Rantz. It'll take you about 20 seconds to read, and there are some pretty good ones.
Water => Wine. Coal => Diamonds.
The Anti-Christ. Bizarro.
Meanwhile, Superman As Jesus Christ chatters on and on about The Eight Christic Traits of Superman and Twenty Superman-Jesus Parallels:
8.0 Divine Testiness: The Darker Side of Light: Gentle Jesus could turn into a holy vandal and violently drive out moneychangers from God’s house (John 2:15). He also used holy invectives like: “O generation of vipers” (Matt. 3:7), “ye serpents, ye generation of vipers” (Matt. 23:33) and “hypocrites!” (Matt. 23:13). Similarly, Clark Kent could turn into Superman and battle all manner of evil with as much brutish force as needed. While disrespectfully manhandling the greedy Lex Luthor and violently throwing him around his subterranean lair, he called him a “warped brain,” a “sick twistedOh, never mind. Better you should read the shorter and crazier Is Jesus An Alien? Here's a taste:
No-one knows what happened when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness by the Devil upon being baptised. But we know that Clarke Kent went to the arctic to discover his destiny and his powers and his duty to truth, Justice, and the American Way. And just as the combination of the Earth's atmosphere and Superman's genes gave him superhuman strength, the same could be true with regards to Jesus' healing powers.Of course, the connection was made a long time ago in Godspell. I was delighted to learn that some fundamentalist is still pissed about its "blasphemy":
Godspell blasphemously portrayed "Jesus" as a "afro-haired, face-painted-clown", clad in a Superman shirt!Godspell-haters might be happier with songwriters outside musical theater who have tackled the mind-blowing Superman/Jesus concept. They do exist, and they seem to side with the Son of Man against the Man of Steel. Here's a lyric by BJ Sintay:
Superman seems like a really cool guyNow put your hands together for Pillar:
But he couldn’t save the world in just one night
Jesus seemed liked an insignificant guy
But he went and died to save everyone in a single night
It's time for you to understandOf course, none of this Jesus/Superman talk would add up to anything unless money changed hands. Here's a Jesus, The Original Superman T-Shirt for only $16.99!
Jesus Christ the Original Superman
up up and away He's saving souls in a new way
Just like Superman was there He's always there to save the day
Friday, March 04, 2005
Posted by Mustang at 10:04
"Is this a Papal audience or an oil painting?"
But for Matt Drudge's "outrage" (and link!), I never would have seen Matt Taibbi's
The 52 Funniest Things About The Upcoming Death of The Pope from this week's New York Press. You either take stuff like this seriously, or you don't, or you pretend to me mad while you pass it around it to as many people as you can. I think I'll pretend to be mad. GRRRR!
[Update: maybe Drudge knew what he was doing. He apparently sent the papal poo-pooers so much traffic that their site has gone down.] [Double-Update: It's back.]
Here are a few of the funnier Funniest Things:
45.Pope departs Earth at a time when Hitch is top-grossing movie in the world.A lot of the rest of them fall along the lines of "52.Pope pisses himself just before the end; gets all over nurse."
32.Priest who administers last rites to Pope excitedly calls mother afterward to tell her how well it went.
30.Michael Jackson too broke to buy Pope's bones.
28.Bears everywhere shitting in woods.
27.We'll never get to hear his hilarious post-tracheotomy rendition of "Come on Eileen."
24.Pope spends last hours surrounded by cardinals who stand glaring at him with folded arms, silently reminding him of the political necessity of clinging to life.
22.Mankind scrambles to choose new leader of inflexible, sexually morbid institutional anachronism; heretofore anonymous bureaucrat will instantly be celebrated as world's holiest man as he travels to AIDS-stricken Africa to denounce the use of condoms.
20.Hall and Oates mulling comeback.
16.NBC Nightly News intern pulls wrong tape from drawer full of long-ago archived video obits; world thinks Boris Yeltsin has died, wonders why Brian Williams is calling him an "inspirational spiritual leader."
15.Williams, after broadcast: "Who's Boris Yeltsin?"
14.Matt Lauer to Williams: "He wrote the Contract for America."
9.Bush on the tragic event: "Our thoughts and prayers go out to this great man and all of his many children."
8.Bush continued: "He touched all of us in places no one else could reach."
Move over, Drudge: New York Daily News gossip hound Lloyd Grove is boarding the Outrage Express. An old fashioned journalist, Grove can't posts links to the Pope joke, but he can get what Drudge's ancestors used to call "quotes."
• Sen. Chuck Schumer: "This is the most disgusting thing I've seen in 30 years of public life."Tell you what... until the New York Press site comes back [and stays back], I'll paste the whole thing into the Comments, just so we can all pretend to be angry.
• Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton: "Pope John Paul is one of the world's strongest forces for peace and understanding at a time when discord and rancor threaten every nation. It is outrageously offensive to make light of his physical suffering, which he has borne with such strength, dignity and grace."
• A spokesman for Mayor Bloomberg: "As disgusting as this is, it's sadly par for the course for this publication."
• Rep. Anthony Weiner: "All I can tell you is that this is outrageous and the New York Press is way overpriced. Everyone has a right to free speech, but I hope New Yorkers exercise their right to take as many of these rags as they can and put them in the trash."
• Former Bronx Borough President Freddy Ferrer: "It's juvenile and not funny. For a lot of New Yorkers, the Pope embodies beliefs that are important to us, and we all wish him a speedy recovery."
• Anti-Defamation League President Abraham Foxman: "It crosses the line of decency. This is a man who has devoted his life to love and compassion and reconciliation. To treat him in such gross manner is so ugly."
• Polish-American Congress official Frank Milewski: "I would say it's hate speech - a most extreme example of hate speech."