Friday, January 14, 2005

God's Guide To The Hot Parts:
SHITE NOISE
'Radio On/Off Activity' Offends Lord

photo/movie_pix/universal_pictures/white_noise/michael_keaton/white6-th3.jpg
God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the Christian movie review site that tells us whether a given nudity warning means full-frontal Naomi Watts or just some old guy's butt--has posted the first Hot Parts Review of 2005. Looks like there's plenty wrong with White Noise:

Sexual Immorality (S)
• mother in revealing night wear before stepson wiht [sic] father's approval
• adult in underwear, repeatedly with light making out
• camera angle to force viewer on private parts

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
• drinking
• giving prescription drug to whom it is not prescribed to sedate

Offense to God (O)
• text denying God's Word about eternal life
• unexplained radio on/off activity, repeatedly
• divorce aftermath
• phone call from dead woman, repeatedly
It's great to have The Hot Parts Guy back, isn't it? If he didn't exist, we'd be paying good money for movies full of lame smut that doesn't turn us on (like White Noise, apparently).

2 comments:

El Duque said...

Superfrankenstein,

I need a point of clarification.

The author writes: "adult in underwear, repeatedly with light making out."

Does this mean the adult in underwear can be made out in the light by viewers?

Does it mean he/she is making-out with a light fixture or ornamental display? What kind of light would this be? Some form or inflatable, perhaps?

Or does he mean there is light, as opposed to heavy, "making out?" A brief kiss and fondle could be construed as "light making out." But why then, does he say this happens repeatedly. If this is done repeatedly, it would seem to betray such a notion.

Could it be a typographical error, and he is "reportedly" light making out.

Can you find answers?

Superfrankenstein said...

Brother Duque,

I read it as light making out as opposed to heavy making out.

The faithful may disagree on the literal meaning of the Texts of the Hot Parts.

Jesusly,

Brother SUPERFRANKENSTEIN