Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Take Me Out To The Secret Location


Vice President Dick Cheney throws out the ceremonial first pitch for the home opener between the [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] at [REDACTED], [REDACTED]day, April [REDACTED], 2006, in [REDACTED]. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)


spysmasher said...

Let me save you all some time...

Shooting in face! Halliburton! Shooting in face! Heart Attack! Shooting in face! Secret locations! Halliburton! Halliburton! Etc! Etc!

(That was wrong of me. Now no one will have anything to write.)

Jason said...

Cheney throws like a girl. I don't think you covered that one, Mr. Smasher.

The Retropolitan said...


"Lesbian daughter."


Superfrankenstein said...


Oh, wait.

That was the Manson Family.


spysmasher said...

Yes, I did forget Lesbian daughter. We must never forget to make fun of a man's innocent children, right?

The Retropolitan said...

Oh, I'm not making fun of his daughter. I was just adding to the list of things that he's politically famous for.

El Duque said...

How about being famous for destroying the Republican party for the next 15 years?

Superfrankenstein said...

After I posted this, I read--through liberal media icon Matt Drudge--that the baseball crowd's boos for Cheney were louder than the cheers. Which makes sense, since four out of five people hate his medically monitored guts.

Which reminds me of something I've been wanting to say about spysmasher.

It's actually pretty gutsy of him to keep sticking up for these viewpoints which may have seeemed pretty mainstream a year or two ago, but are now about as rare and endangered as Knight Rider fandom.

I mean, there will always be a few nuts who love Knight Rider--me! me!--but it'll never be the widely accepted gold standard of idealistic car-on-car adventure it once was, then suddenly wasn't.

So as the whole bottom drops out of Bush/Cheney fandom, and it's destined to linger on weakly as this little cult niche, like Old Time Radio, spysmasher is still there, last one left in the parade, banging his lonely cymbals. I'd say it was pretty brave of him if he weren't such a pitiful coward about revealing his name (no clues yet) and place of residence (Central Wisconsin, I've learned).

That's all. Just something I wanted to get off my chest.

Blind Robin said...

I heard the pitch was a "spitter".

spysmasher said...

Yes, SF, I can see how encountering someone who actually does not define his principals by conducting a poll WOULD be a new thing to you.

Why is my "real identity" of such concern to you? How come this issue does not come up with "el duque" or "rertopolitan" or anyone but me, the lone conservative voice here? Or do you believe it's the ACTUAL El Duque commenting here? It is not.

And what is it with you and Wisconsin? Have you been watching too much "That 70's Show", dude?

Anonymous said...

Hey, wait a minute! I'm the Lone Conservative Voice® in this blog! Back off, Mr. spysmasher. I alone reserve the right to express my ignorance and bigotry in a sardonic and patronizing manner! Nobody else thinks as clearly and expresses his smugness as incisively as I!


Lone Conservative Voice Man

Superfrankenstein said...

For your information, Wisconsin, it IS the genuine former Yankee El Duque who comments here.

If you were a real New Yorker, you'd know that.

Mike said...

Hmm, I see spysmasher has misspelled another word in his posting today. He's very sloppy at the very least. ("Weapons of mass destruction? Well, we think they're there, what the hell. Or maybe they're in Syria now, but that's too far to look, and their president never threatened my daddy...")

Um, mister smasher, if I can stick myself into this Point/Counterpoint episode, may I point out that there are few liberals who have a problem with our efforts in Afghanistan. THAT was about terror. THAT was about going after the guy who engineered the murder of 3,000 Americans. THAT remains about proving that we won't take crap from people who are so warped and twisted that they'll kill instead of negotiate.

Iraq, however was not. It is also an episode of using our last five minutes of sole superpowerdom (if the 20th was the American century, certainly the 21st will be the Chinese century) to bully a tin-can dictator out of power while our efforts to capture Osama bin Laden came up empty. (Am I the only one who remembers that, in 2000, candidate George W. Bush had no idea who the leader of Pakistan was... and now he's our best friend in the war on terror?)

As for Iran... a government full of religious zealots with nuclear weapons scares me. Absolutely. Which is probably why the rest of the world is frightened of us. But my college roommate -- who grew up in Teheran, but now lives in upstate New York developing communications systems for the United States Postal Service -- still would visit Iran, so that leads me to believe that there are still people in Iran who wouldn't be planning nuclear annihilation of the Great Satan. Since the 1980s, our foreign policy has been shaped as if the world was a 1940s Hollywood movie, with the bad guys wrapped up in less than two hours.

Am I worried about Iran? Sure. North Korea? Even more. But I'm also worried about any nutjob who can't pronounce "nuclear," anyone who believes that raining ordnance and radiation is the only solution to all of our problems (just as Neville Chamberlain learned that you can't negotiate them away, either), and anyone who confuses murder with justice.

I believe this with all my heart: Our current Administration is the western equivalent of the Taliban or the Politburo. Misguided self-defense is a more logical, if criminally stupid explanation for Iraq than the decision to overthrow a government to bring our view of freedom to another nation. And if the president really thinks that we are moving toward the End of Days, and he is just doing his part, then it is my wish that, in the extremely unlikely chance that he is right, that when he meets his maker he is shipped straight down to the hottest, darkest pit in Creation.

If only 2000 had been an election between John McCain and Bill Bradley, I doubt any of us would have had to put up with this Bush/Cheney nonsense.

Mike said...

Oh, by the way, I didn't see the film... did Cheney's toss hit the umpire in the face?

Mike said...

And, if it did, did the umpire apologize?

rocketman said...

There’s nothing gutsy or remotely admirable about spysmasher’s desperate Last Man Standing position. He’s been pining for this ever since Gunner Joe passed away and he’ll still be rooting for Bush when the bastard stands trial for war crimes in Den Haag.

Jersey Shore said...

"rocketman said...
He’s been pining for this ever since Gunner Joe passed away and he’ll still be rooting for Bush when the bastard stands trial for war crimes in Den Haag."

Are you referring to "Tailguner" Joe McCarthy, the esteemed junior senator from . . .


eugene mccarthy said...

Ed Gein was also from central Wisconsin.

The Retropolitan said...

Didn't "Laverne and Shirley" take place in Wisconsin?

spysmasher said...

MIKE SAID: "I believe this with all my heart: Our current Administration is the western equivalent of the Taliban."



Your "heart" is VERY BADLY misinformed.

Do you know anything about anything?

Guess what -- freedom of speech is also exactly the same as beheading anyone who disagrees with you. (To you, at least.)

Question: If this administration is so Taliban-like, how is it that you are stating an anti-administration viewpoint, and not being killed? Hmmm?

What a sick and twisted world you liberals live in!

Superfrankenstein said...

That's right, folks.

You've just been lectured on free speech by spysmasher, a patriot so in tune with America's founding principles that he's afraid to sign his name to his opinions.

Enjoy the right and fuck the responsibility, eh, Wisconsin?

Come back and lecture us again soon.

spysmasher said...

People who are allowed to not sign their real name:

el duque
Lone Conservative Voice Man
Blind Robin
Hoser X
Everyone else

People who are NOT allowed to not sign their real name:

That's why I like it here... an even playing field!

Superfrankenstein said...

spysmasher, don't hide behind them. This is you vs. me. You know who I am, I don't know who you are. Therefore I'm brave and you're cowardly.

I'm comfortable with that. Keep hiding. If I had your "opinions," I wouldn't want anyone to know it either.

Blind Robin said...

From now on everyone may refer to me by my real name: "Red" Herring.

Hoosier X said...

"don't hide behind them. This is you vs. me. You know who I am, I don't know who you are."

What is a liberal for, if not for a conservative to hide behind?

This is a very good point, SF. I wonder why Spice didn't respond to this one? I guess he's too busy "having a life" (which I think is conservative code for "memorizing the Repug Talking Points and posting silly conservative remarks at a liberal's humor blog").

My name is Tony Seybert, by the way. My picture was in Hustler last year, no joke! I was in the College Report, protesting the Bush Administration at my graduation. I'm wearing a sign that says, "Heil Bush!"

spysmasher said...

I want to get the rules straight. People who are anonymous can say what they want as long as they agree with you, but if they do NOT agree with you, then they must use their real names.

Is that about it?

PS I needled Hoser X just for the fun of it. It's so much fun to listen to him squEEEEEL!!!! He's too dumb to know when he's being F'd with! Not you though, SF.

Hoosier X said...

I know I'm pretty dumb. I actually thought you were serious about all that conservative nonsense you post here. Geez! how could I believe that ANYBODY would say that stuff seriously!

You are as brilliant as Mallard Fillmore.

Superfrankenstein said...

if they do NOT agree with you, then they must use their real names.

No such rule exists. You're allowed to be a coward here, if that's you really want

spysmasher said...

You left out the word "what" in that sentence. AHA! SUPERFRANKENSTEIN IS ILLITERATE!!!!

spysmasher said...


Hoosier X said... "I know I'm pretty dumb."

Well, there you have it.

Hoosier X said...

You've convinced me, Spice-Masher! (Which I'm sure was your intention all along, you sly dog!) I want to get a life! Tell me where to sign up to get all the latest Republican Talking Points! And then, point me to the nearest liberal humor site where I can show off my new life! (That'll impress the girls!)

Thank you for giving my life meaning!

spysmasher said...


Hoosier X said...

"I want ... girls!"

Hoosier X said...

Wow, Spice-Masher!

Your Sean Hannity impression is spot on! How do you do that?

spysmasher said...

This is too funny. You think you're a genius, but in reality you are too stupid to know when you are being F'd with! I love the way can say just one small thing, and then you rant on and on about nonsense that no one reads or cares about! Can I ask you something? When you introduce yourself, do you say "Hi, I'm Hoser X and Bush sucks!"? Do you plan to name your first child "Bush Sucks"? Get a life.