Saturday, December 04, 2004

God's Guide To The Hot Parts

Why go to a movie without first consulting the ChildCare Action Project (CAP): Christian Analysis of American Culture Ministry? It obsessively lists a film's sins--a.k.a. the good parts--and divides them into six hilarious categories:

Wanton Violence/Crime;
Impunity/Hate;
Sex/Homosexuality;
Drugs/Alcohol;
Offense to God;
Murder/Suicide.
In other words, SHAZAM.

Here's how The Incredibles did in three of the categories:
Sexual Immorality (S)
  • smacking on the bottom, twice
  • rude gaze at posterior
  • dressing to maximize the [cartoon] female form and/or skin exposure
    Drugs/Alcohol (D)
  • champagne to celebrate evil deeds
    Offense to God (O)
  • four uses of God's name in vain but without the four letter expletive
  • transofrmation [sic] to a demon/devil using a baby
  • For steamier reading, click over to Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason. And don't miss the 900-film archive, particularly their classic review of the South Park movie. But don't look for everything:
    Following are films we will NOT analyze due to content, rating or other reasons:
    Meet the [Husband's family name from Meet the Parents] (PG-13). The implied vulgarity of the title is enough to eject this film from our project.
    Unfortunately, as much as they make us laugh and think of nasty things, these clowns are not entirely harmless.

    2 comments:

    El Duque said...

    Those people are dead-on right about The Incredibles. That movie was pure porn. Did you see Elasti-Girl's costume? She might as well not have worn it. This is an issue you people in the comic book industry refuse to deal with: The spray-on costumes of your superheros. Well, it's gotta end. Why can't there be a Dockers Man?

    Superfrankenstein said...

    I notice you're not upset about smacking on the bottom, twice, and rude gaze at posterior. What's up with you, el Duque?