Saturday, December 18, 2004

Return of The Useful Film Critic

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God's Guide To The Hot Parts--the Christian movie review site that tells us whether a given nudity warning means full-frontal Naomi Watts or just some old guy's butt--offers a detailed smut-comparison of the Ocean's movies. From Eleven to Twelve, Wanton Violence/Crime and Impudence/Hate "worsened significantly," while Sexual Immorality "improved noticeably." So let's not go see Twelve.

The Hot Parts Guy goes on:

I am so sorry but due to lack of donations we will not be able to bring you analyses of the following films currently showing in the Fort Worth, Texas area, not even the PG-13 movies - ouch! - the quintessential demons for stealing childhood from children.

Alexander (R, 2h 56m)
Closer (R, 1h 38m).
Kinsey (R, 1h 58m).
The Machinsit [sic] (R, 1h 30m)
The Motorcycle Diaries (R, 2h 8m)
Seed of Chucky (R, 1h 27m).
Sideways (R, 2h 3m)
Let's each send him a buck, because I don't think I can live without his reviews of Alexander and Kinsey.

(Backstory here.)

3 comments:

El Duque said...

Superfrankenstein,

Thank God that someone is finally writing about impudence/hate in Hollywood.

But what if you hate impudence?

Would your rating be high for hate or low, because you hate impudence?

Just wondering.

Superfrankenstein said...

You sound impudent toward hate/impudence.

Superfrankenstein said...

If you don't mind my saying.