Superman Red-State, Superman Blue-State

It's been 41 years since Superman #162 anticipated today's great national divide with "The Amazing Story Of Superman-Red And Superman-Blue!" In that thrilling three-part novel, Superman split into two beings who put their heads together to eradicate all of earth's ills because, in 1961, primary colors meant nothing. Now, of course, they mean everything. It's time for a remake.

Superman-Red, the Values Superman, raids gay weddings and shock-radio broadcasts while campaigning to deregulate the great metropolitan newspaper business. He invades an Arab country on the pretext that it's hiding Brainiac.

Superman-Blue decides to oppose him. He suggests that Superman-Red lacks competence but means well ("WE'RE BOTH GOOD!"). He adds that Superman-Red should have built a coalition with the Justice League of America and the Teen Titans before moving forward with his plans. Superman-Blue could draw a sharper line between himself and his opponent, but he issues only the gentlest criticisms in an effort to get as many people as possible to love him.

It doesn't work. Nobody loves Superman-Blue. The End.